Do men deal with temptation through avoidance only?

[Anonymous]

If you were in a newly committed relationship (8 months), but absolutely knew you were triggered by another women you work with, how would you deal with that temptation?

Is avoidance the only way or could you actually work side by side without wavering?

[Stevepro68]

We'll be first to tell you that although I notice beautiful women. I have a policy to never say or do anything with women around me unless it is something I would be comfortable doing with my girlfriend in the room watching me. It's a nice rule of thumb. That said I've lived a long life had many partners. No one could hold a candle to my girlfriend sexually it is no trouble at all to say no to attractive co workers who flirt.

[Orion84]

When I'm in a relationship, I generally am only interested in my partner, and thus don't really suffer from temptation.

Even if I did, I have no problem controlling myself, and even saying "no" if a situation presents itself. I would be able to continue working alongside that person, with no issues, whatsoever.

I trust myself, and so I don't need to avoid a person or situation.

[BadApple69]

Yes avoidance is the best way because we really want to go with the temptation and if we tried to stop the temptation we would just go for it instead… much easier than trying to stop it.

[Asker]

Yeah right makes sense and do you think that the fact that a guy could be continuously tempted with the same women, means there’s something wrong with his relationship in terms of whether he’s all in with her or just normal?

[BadApple69]

Don’t confuse temptation with a problem in his relationship. Some guys maybe very happy at home but just at the chance to cheat.
I was the opposite once upon a time. I was married to a sexless, mean drunk. I did everything I could to make things right. I was temped many times some by friends of my wife who knew the situation. I never took them up on it because I was working hard to make things right (but never could).

[Asker]

Ah right thanks for this. But if he’s very happy in the relationship why would he be so tempted? Wouldn’t he be so fulfilled, that yes he might glance at pretty girls, but to actually become really avoidant doesn’t that suggest it’s more than merely being attracted in his mind? So how did you avoid the temptation? Did you become really avoidant?

[BadApple69]

Some guys have very high body counts… so in their minds what’s one more. Other guys (like me) in my younger days thought that sex was special and something you shared with a special person. So it’s different personalities that control if we are tempted or not.
In my married life I was sexually FRUSTRATED. I had sexless years. The marriage ended in divorce so looking back on it I wish I took up those offers. 3 on my street were from married women. So when people say men cheat more than women laugh…. In any case back to what I said in the beginning. Whether a guy goes for the temptation or rejects it is all in the way he thinks, and not the condition of his marriage.

[Asker]

Yeah ok thanks for your advice. Really appreciate it

[BadApple69]

Never a problem. Good luck!

[exitseven]

A famous person once wrote "There is no virtue in solitude" . It is when people are tested that you find out who they really are.

[Asker]

Nice quote, so what would that tell you about this guy then? I mean on one hand it’s showing his loyalty right because he’s avoiding her, but on the other hand, he must be having feelings towards her because he can’t face it, what’s that say about the relationship with his girlfriend? If he was indifferent it wouldn’t matter would it?

[exitseven]

Having feelings is not what is important. God gives us free will for just this sort of thing. It is what he does about these feelings.

[Asker]

Yes ok, makes sense. So avoiding temptation really is the only way to prevent escalation and not act on his feelings? Even in a work context where it could be seen as odd behaviour by others?

[jahaims]

No lol. Healthy mature people aren't tempted

[Asker]

Yes exactly, so what does that say when someone tries hard to avoid you because of temptation? What’s it say about the state of his relationship and feelings for his girlfriend?