Guy's Behavior

I finally had enough of his behavior and lashed out. Is what I’m going through normal?

I lashed out on a guy I’ve been seeing on and off for years. He hasn’t been a good person to me throughout the time but I stayed. Recently he’s started expressing his feelings of wanting to be in a relationship with me but his actions over the years have not made me want that with him but I’ve grown an attachment to him, an unhealthy one. I always been patient with him but I have very slowly been losing my cool and saying mean things to him when I felt just a little disrespect.

One day, he returned home from his work trip and I was across the street from his house at a friend’s and I told him I had his things. He said he didn’t feel like chilling with me. I told him I wasn’t looking to chill I was across the street and wanted to give you your things you asked for weeks ago. He used the excuse yet again that I’m not his girlfriend so he doesn’t need to explain himself to me. I called him on the phone and we talked and he started yelling and would not let me speak. So I finally yelled, “can you let me talk!” And he hung up.

I finally had enough. I went to his house anyway and demanded he talk to me which just turned into a screaming match over his ring door bell. I was livid and I was TIRED. I only have myself to blame for allowing disrespect for so long to a point I acted out of character. I blocked him on everything but I’m dealing with the emotions of:
why did I allow a person to treat me like that for so long?

the fact that I feel stupid for lashing out in front of his door when he didn’t even come outside to talk to me. Instead, he laughed.

why do I worry so much about receiving an apology from him?

I finally had enough of his behavior and lashed out. Is what I’m going through normal?
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