My boyfriend is going out with his friends this weekend, but when I asked to go out with him he said no…what does this mean?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend is traveling to Colorado this weekend to see his cousin. He mentioned them potentially going to a college party while they’re there which I have no problem with. The issue is that my boyfriend and I plan on spending Halloween together and I mentioned also wanting to go to a college party that weekend too. But when I mentioned it he said he’d rather not. His reasonings to me don’t make sense and I just want to know if I have a right to be upset about it.

”I won’t know anybody at that college party” he doesn’t know anybody at the college he’s going to with his cousin either?
“I’ll have to worry about you.” I’m not entirely sure what context he’s speaking about in this.
“I can’t really have fun or drink” nobody said he couldn’t do that?

I just feel like a lot of his reasonings contradict his actions. If he’s comfortable going to a party with his friends then what’s stopping him from going to a party with me?

[HollyK21]

I feel like there’s more to this story than he’s letting on. Being in an LDR let’s certain guys get away with some really sketchy shit, like telling you one thing and doing another. For all we know he could know several people at his cousins party and that’s why he’s more down for that. Going with you to the other party as a couple means he can’t pass himself off as single, which I hate to even speculate about but as you said, the reasons he gave just aren’t very good. Like at all. You’ve only been with this guy a few months, I don't know how long you knew him prior but maybe this is him starting to show his true colors.

[Asker]

That’s what I hate to be skeptical about as well. Because his reasonings just don’t make sense. It just makes it seem like he wants to look single and be free to flirt and talk with whoever he wants to. After I got upset he tried to rephrase what he was saying and explained it different. He said he just wanted to spend quality time with just us doing other Halloween activities instead of going out, but I don’t know if he’s just saying that because I’m upset or because that’s what he genuinely meant. What would you think? Maybe I’m just overthinking it?

[HollyK21]

I feel like you’d have to gaslight yourself in order to believe this rephrased explanation and the damage is already done. He gave several excuses none of them having to do with quality time or Halloween activities. It’s just very sketchy of him.

[Asker]

That’s what I think too. It’s like I’m trying to convince myself that he didn’t mean it and that he really did want quality time…but that’s not what he actually said or meant. We’ve talked it out this morning and now he’s okay with going, I just don’t know if I’d want to anymore because I’d be overthinking whether or not he actually wants to be there.

[HollyK21]

I feel like the joy in it is gone tbh. Like sure you can still take him to the party but I don't know if I’d feel interested in doing so, knowing that he doesn’t actually wanna be there. That’d be on my mind the entire time.

[Abbycado]

You say you don't have an issue with him going to the party and then take issue with him going to the party and not one with you. I am not sure I get it.

[Asker]

I don’t have an issue with him not wanting to go out with me…it’s the reasons why he doesn’t want to that are not making sense to me.

[Abbycado]

Honestly, it really is the least he can do. If he can party with friends, he can party with you.

[Asker]

I agree. I think it would also just make more sense to me if he had better reasonings behind why he doesn’t want to.

[Abbycado]

He seems to be grasping at straws with those reasons.

[NoDecision]

Because if he goes with you he can't pick up on any college girls he meets at the party. Now do you get it?

[Asker]

@NoDecision Well that is certainly a harsh way to put it lol but you could be right who knows

[BarryLiverstone]

For him the party will be an escape. He feels like if you come with him, he can’t be free to drink and relax., have you been to other parties with him before?

[Asker]

We are a newer couple of only a couple months so we’ve never been out together before.

[BarryLiverstone]

Have you never been out on any dates or just never out to a party? Would think in a few months he’s taken you out many times

[Asker]

We’re long distance unfortunately, otherwise I feel like he’d have more opportunity to.

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh you are long distance? That changes things. If you are planning to see him for Halloween and he’s not wanting to bring you to a party that’s not the best decision. Do you think there is a chance he feels embarrassed of dating you or doesn’t want his friends to meet you for some reason? If you are spending just a short amount of time to see him it seems odd he would want that night away from you

[Asker]

Well he’d be coming here for Halloween so his friends wouldn’t be there as they live in his town back home. He still wants to hangout on Halloween just not at the party I invited him to. I just think his reasonings for not wanting to go out with me are weird and contradicting and because of that I’m worried there’s like an underlying reason he’s not telling me? Why wouldn’t you want to go out with your girlfriend for Halloween? Especially when he enjoys going out

[BarryLiverstone]

Ok he’s going to visit you. Then he’s telling you that he doesn’t feel comfortable or safe going to the college party with you. He’s worried you may drink too much and he would have to babysit you. While he may not know many people at the Colorado party he at least knows his cousin. Maybe he’s not that eager to go out when he visits you. How long is coming for?

[Asker]

He will be here for a week. I just don’t understand his concerns with him feeling like he’ll have to babysit me all night. I’m perfectly capable of controlling my drinking and I actually fear getting drunk so I limit myself. So I don’t understand why he’d be worried. Yes he at least knows his cousin at the Colorado party but he also knows me and my friends at the party in my city too so what’s the difference? It just seems like he’s trying to make excuses not to go

[BarryLiverstone]

He hasn’t met your friends irl right? Also he wants to escape as a said before. Even if you don’t drink much, he may want to. Imagine he gets too drunk and your friends judge him harshly

[Asker]

He has met a couple of my friends in real life. But what does he want to escape from? How come he can’t have fun with me there? He won’t have to take care of me as I am capable of handling myself and not over drinking. If he drank too much I would take care of him and I’m not sure if he’s necessarily worried about my friends opinions. If he is he didn’t explain that to me. Maybe he’s just not explaining himself very well?

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s met your friends but you haven’t been out before irl. Something seems off.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes he’s worried about their opinions. He’s long distance so they could badmouth him when he leaves again

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes he can have fun with you but not able to cut loose. He still needs to be in control if you are with him there

[Asker]

I just think like what you said. Something seems off. The reasonings to me just don’t make sense. I feel like the way he explained it made me sound like a burden and someone he wouldn’t want to ever go out and party with since I’m his girlfriend. He’s capable of partying with friends but not his girlfriend? Just odd to me.

[BarryLiverstone]

You still think he’s planning to make the trip? He would be there for a week and would take you out to other places. Or has he even made other plans. Like sure, some time for intimacy makes sense but for a week you all have days to go and do stuff

[BarryLiverstone]

Seems like I’ve more than answered the orig q. Feel free to follow me if you had other things to ask

[Asker]

Yes he’s still planning on coming to see me. We’d probably do other stuff like we had talked about going to the pumpkin patch and doing other activities that pertain to Halloween. But that won’t be taking up all of our time, we could surely make the party as it is on its own separate day

[spartan55]

He's going on a trip with the guys. Stop bugging him about it ffs.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he wants just the company of his friends.

[Asker]

Should I be upset or worried about that? He wants the company of his friends but doesn’t want the company of his girlfriend when he goes out

[Opinion Owner]

I think it's still not a reason to be upset, but if he does it frequently, you should be worried,

[Asker]

Okay thank you!

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome.

[seeyounexttuesday]

he wants to go with the guys.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

You know.

[Asker]

I don’t know lol you’ll have to inform me

[BeenThereLovedIt]

He's gonna hook up with other girls, so obviously.