Unsure if coworker is attracted to me but I’m starting to like him a lot?

[Anonymous]

I’m starting to like one of my coworkers and I’m not sure if he’s just nice and I’m misinterpreting his actins or there’s something here.

Context we’re both 21 and he’s a slightly higher position than me. I’ve never been in a relationship or had someone express interest in me in person like this so that could be clouding my judgement. If this does seem like he’s interested how do I go about letting him know I’m interest3 too because I feel like I haven’t been doing a great job so far lol

Some things that my friends have said indicate he might like me
- at a party some months ago while both drunk we were talking and I kept getting distracted so he held my face so I’d focus and look at him
- At a different party recently I think I was a bit drunker than him and briefly misplaced my phone so he told me to give it to him and he’d hold on to it for a bit
- At work he came over to my desk and we chatted about comics (he recently let me borrow one of his books) and he recommended some more stuff for me to read/watch. At one point he kind of reached over me to type the name of a comic book store into my computer and said he’d been wanting to go to it
- He asked me if he could look at some info on my computer that he had access to on his own computer. When I pointed that out he said he’d just look on mine since he wasn’t logged in on his computer

Things that make me hesitant:
- he’s talking to another one of our coworkers and has been for some weeks but recently started talking to another girl. when I asked about the second girl he said out of sight out of mind and seemed interested in our coworker again
- The fact he told me this also makes it seem like he just sees me as a friend
- For a while i thought he found me annoying/didn’t even like me as a friend but he clarified that we were cool
- He seems to be a bit sassier with me than with others but has also said he thinks I sound sarcastic often so maybe he thinks that’s just our banter

[CallMeDave]

There isn't enough information to really be sure. Everything in the list of things that make you think he might like you is something that could be done as a friend or due to romantic interest.

I have one question for you. You say that he's in a "slightly higher position". What exactly do you mean by that? If he's your boss or has any influence over what tasks you are given to do, how much you get paid, what job rating you get or whether you get promoted, then you absolutely should not pursue anything with him. That's likely a violation of company policy and is a bad idea even if it isn't.

If what he works on is separate from your work and he doesn't have any influence over what you do, then it's still kind of risky trying to date someone at work because if there are any issues, it can affect your work and other coworkers and could potentially result in one of you having to change jobs. It can still be done, but just be aware of the extra risk.

What I think you need to do now, if it's appropriate to pursue him and you want to, is look for more clues. Talk with him about your interests outside of work. See how much interest he shows in that. If he seems interested in something that it would be reasonable to do together, invite him to do that outside of work. See how that goes. That's where you're likely to find out more about his interest level.

[SueShe]

If you are indeed interested in him and him in you, then you are doing what should never be done and that is to mix business with emotions, mainly at your workplace.

You don't flirt or have relationships with coworkers because 1. you are using work time for your private issues and 2. relationships at the workplace are known to cause frictions with other coworkers and even jealousies. In your case, this guy is in a higher position than you are and the fact that he pays (too much) attention to you may also be perceived negatively by other coworkers. There may even be a favor treatment given to you and that will definitely lead to problems.

Based on your account, it is difficult to say whether he likes you more than other female coworkers but his attitude would indicate that he has a liking for you.

Be careful.

[_Maya_]

I find the things that you are hesitant to be missing a huge point. That would be that you should not date or get romantically invovled with coworkers in the first place. It is a huge no go on that. You are being paid to do a job and not to socialize or use your job as a hookup scene. I understand this will not be what you want to hear but you need to hear it even if you ignore my advice. At least then you were warned. You are there to do a job. Do that and don't bring personal relationships into it. I know that it is hard to not like someone that you do but you have to understand that this can go south really quick. What happens after a huge fight or breakup? How are you going to get by having to face him every day?

[Asker]

I totally get what you mean but I should add this is a university student job. It’s not super strict and two of our mangers are married lol. It’s also somewhat common for relationships to spring up as we have a lot of out of work parties/events. I’m not too worried about a possible fallout since there have been several instances in the past where people have broken up and just requested not to work at the same times as the other person. There’s a handful of people dating and it’s known amongst our mangers/supervisors as well so this isn’t really out of the ordinary for our “work culture”

[_Maya_]

To me personally you have just weakened your case to me. If this is a work culture of dating then you have found the wrong job. If you are a student it makes this even worse in my eyes. You are there to get an education. Yes I have gone through six years of post education at two different universities. I understand the parties and whatnot. In the end that got old and I focused on my education and earned special regonition for my performance in my field of study upon graduation. That is paying way more dividends that what could turn out to be a potiential fling. Priorities.

[Asker]

That’s fair but again this is just a less than part time job that pays well and has provided some great resume building opportunities. Like most students going put some nights and pursuing a relationship while studying isn’t going to be a great hindrance to my education. Also my question was less trying to make a case that it’s worth pursuing whatever this could be and more just trying to get an alternative perspective on his actions. But thanks for your perspective

[Nikki1989]

Ask him about the comic book store. This is the clearest path to getting the clarity you need.

[In_Trance]

So what's your question

[Asker]

Just asking if any of this behavior is indicative of him being interested

[In_Trance]

It could be. Why don't you ask him and find out for sure?