Why would a guy who previously seemed interested avoid and blank a girl?

[Anonymous]

There’s a guy in my wider friends group who seemed to really like me, we got to know each over over a year, got close, but then I found out indirectly (via another friend) that he actually has a girlfriend who he met three months before me.

Now when we see the friends group he acts avoidant, looks down and doesn’t even say hi. I’m not looking to cross boundaries, but is it that hard to be civil? He acts like we are strangers. He doesn’t know I know about her. Why is he like this?

[DishLady]

Guys are odd sometimes. They want too much and already have what they need. For example. A guy I know insists on telling a joke his friend told him about the benefit of having two wives. The one complains to the other and they argue together and the guy apparently just stays out of it because it's "women's squabbles". This concept REALLY fascinates the guy and so when I met him he said this and I just laughed at him bc of course he must be joking, however he was being serious...

And he was flirting with a bunch of gals while entertaining one seriously... It's just how some guys are.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

When a guy suddenly pulls back, it’s usually not random.

He either got overwhelmed, lost confidence, realized he couldn’t give what he implied, or his interest wasn’t as solid as it looked.

Avoidance is often a sign of confusion or cowardice not clarity.

Someone who genuinely wants you doesn’t disappear.

They show up.

[Summeroflove]

Well… Some people are dishonest and I’m so glad you found that out. Someone who hides being in a relationship can get you into a lot of trouble. And make you look like a home wrecker.

Narcissists…. Oh gosh. Where do I start? They use people for pleasure. Use people to feed their egos. As well as never leave their current victims without a plan. You were probably his next. You dodged a real fucking bullet.

[TheInvincible]

It just sounds like you two were a lot closer than he wants to admit now. He probably realized it would look bad to his girlfriend, so he’s backing off and trying to act like nothing was going on. He doesn’t want to deal with the fallout, so he’s pretending the connection wasn’t as deep as it actually was.

[Nikki1989]

He is most likely acting this way because he is overwhelmed by guilt, shame, and fear of exposure.

[Asker]

I think 💯 you could be right here.

[snermcger]

Before he was serious with this girl, you were still an option. Apparently they have taken it to the next level. Chalk it up to 'could have been' and move on.

[Asker]

So you think he was weighing up options before but now he’s settled, but why does that mean he can’t be even civil and say hello anymore?

[snermcger]

He is probably young. Young men often don't know how to balance relationship types with women.
It's a confidence thing that comes later in life for many men. Don't take it the wrong way though. He probably really likes the other girl and doesn't want to chance any confusion or conflation.

[Asker]

Yeah I don’t know, he’s 36 and divorced two years ago. We spent the best part of year flirting, bantering and seemed like mutual attraction. Then lately after a year, he’s become like this and I found out, but he’s been like this whilst with her, I didn’t know. So now I’m annoyed cos he is so extreme in how he is with me, it’s pretty hurtful.

[snermcger]

I just think he doesn't wanna screw up a good thing with the other woman.
Some can't compartmentalize. Some can't do girl 'friends'. I know I can't. Maybe he is the same?

[Asker]

Yeah I know what you mean, he seems ok with other girls that are friends, girls he hasn’t had a thing for, so maybe that’s why he can’t with me anymore because we were never just friends, there was attraction there I guess from the beginning.

[MecheD]

He may have unsettled feelings for you causing him to react nervously around you.

[Asker]

When you say unsettled what of you mean?

[MecheD]

Maybe he wanted more from you but hadn’t had a clear path to be with you.

[WhitneySnow]

Because he’s embarrassed by whatever happened between you. He feels like he cheated on his girlfriend, emotionally at least. Did you guys mess around?

[Asker]

Thanks no we didn’t, but yeah I think you are right, he feels guilty and then other times seems really drawn to me

[WhitneySnow]

He feels like emotionally cheated with you and he really likes you even though he has a girlfriend

[Asker]

Thanks

[AviatorTom]

At least two possible reasons...

1. He realized he wasn't really interested, OR

2. He found someone better.

[Asker]

He has a girlfriend yes, so seems to cycle between being hot and cold, like he tries to limit contact and then other times can’t seem to help bei drawn to me.

[Miristheiss]

He is not interested anymore.

Why? No one knows. Need specifics.

[genericname85]

i mean that pretty much sounds like he "was" interested. or maybe he never was and just "seemed" like it as you said.

[Alex-Snow]

He may have found out. He now probably feels guilty. Were you ever sexually involved with him? Does he still follow you on socials?

[Asker]

Thanks no we’ve never been sexually involved. Yep he still follows me on Strava

[Alex-Snow]

He might be feeling confused between his feelings for you and his girlfriend. Stay friends and see how it goes

[Asker]

Ok thanks

[Anonymous]

I've never been in anything situation where I had a girlfriend and acted like that. However, I did act similarly when I had a debilitating crush on a girl I saw my first year of college.

[Straight2thepoint]

You're over analyzing. He knows you know. Assumes you know. He is just avoiding drama.

[Anonymous]

Because he does know you know about her and he feels guilty about it... how does he know you know about his girlfriend because your mutual friend told him she told her

[blackeagle007]

Should’ve made your move when you had the chance

[spartan55]

You aren't saying hi either, but we will ignore that.

[MJVillarama]

Could be losing interest, getting scared, or just poor communication skills. Honestly, it’s more about him than you.

[In_Trance]

Maybe your perception was off

[Gagforlifetime]

Because he fell for someone else