How can I let go of resentment over my fiancé’s social media use?

[Anonymous]

hey everyone,

i need some advice and i’m hoping you can help me. my fiance and i are having a hard time in our relationship for a few weeks already and i truly have no idea how to have it better. we have been distant and it’s truly sad. so i complain a lot about his social media following. he follows a lot of girls who show their bodies, he doesn’t like any of their pictures he just follows them. when i bring it up to him he always asks me who bothers me and he will unfollow them but always follows more later. so since i complain a lot about it and i mean a lot whenever we talk it’s always about it so now all he does is ignore my calls. we barely hangout now and he hangs out with his friends all the time now. i’ve talked to my mom, sister and a few close friends about this and they all tell me that him following girls is not an issue because he is just looking, he is not touching, he is not cheating. and the part of him ignoring my calls, and not hanging out as much anymore they all say as soon as i stop complaining he will start to reach out more and hangout more. so here’s my question: how can i let go of my resentment feelings and just be at peace and be happy? thank you in advance :)

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re able to recognize that he has an issue objectifying women. Telling him not to objectify specific women won’t solve the issue of the fact that your husband-to-be would absolutely treat you like shit if he thought he could get away with it. If he’s unwilling to hear you, I would get out. Just because he’s not doing anything wrong doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust your gut and put some distance between you until you’re able to figure out if this is really the guy you want to be with for the REST OF YOUR LIFE or if you can do better than him

[whosnumber_1]

So, this is understandable. He is showing you that he is not present for you and it brings up feelings of distrust. Obviously this is not how you want to start a marriage and his abuse or addiction of social media specifically around fantasizing about other women is a challenging one. It's not directly acting out sexually with other women or porn but it is probably a compulsive behavior that he can't stop. It's also one that is easily justifiable because, ya, it isn't like he is having sex with other women but it does show a lack of commitment. So I feel your pain.

Moving forward you have to ask yourself if he isn't willing to change are you prepared to swallow this and live with resentment? And is he stops doing it do you trust him enough to let it go or will he find ways to do it under the radar. Keep in mind the definition of addiction is doing an act that you can not stop even if it has a negative impact on your life.

[Anonymous]

Simple. You need to move on. Find a man who won’t do the same. Not worth the headache. Empty promises. Even if you are insecure so what. We all have insecurities. I’m sure he does to. I don’t think you’d continue w to do whatever it is he’s insecure about if you were doing said thing he was insecure about. He’s selfish. Not considerate about your feelings. It’s different if a man glances at a chick in public, I know I do. But to constantly follow them online. I can see how that would make you feel uncomfortable. Makes you question if he really likes you. Does he prefer women like that. Am I lot good enough for him. Move on.

[MzAsh]

Stop complaining and instead set some boundaries. Tell him you don’t date men who follow naked chicks on ig.

[Hiker_011]

Honestly I don't blame you for being frustrated that he's got all kinds of women on social media. It is possible to message them and interact on those platforms. If he was just watching porn occasionally, then it's less interactive. Guys can't really be with pornstar unless he's on her Onlyfans or something. On platforms like Instagram, you could potentially send messages to random women.

[OneViewpoint]

Just my opinion but a guy 30-35, assuming he's close in age to you, constantly drooling over a multitude of girls online and "following" them is a indicator of immaturity and maybe problems with the way he views women and interacts in the real world.

[Abbycado]

There are no magic words that fixes your insecurities.

[In_Trance]

Ridiculous.

Both of you need to put your phones down.

[Anonymous]

Just relax, breath deeply, and focus on something else.