Are teenage boys easily intimidated?

[Anonymous]

my friend and I are both sixteen and we stayed at my aunts beach house which is like a half hour away from where we live unsupervised! it was lots of fun. so we went out that night and we met guys that were our age. when we first met them they kept on staring at me while my friend was talking. my friend is a lot heavier than me and I have been told that I am gorgeous. she is cute but not pretty. but then the hotter guy in the group was trying to talk to me but he ended up flirting with my other friend more. was it because she was easier to get? he seemed to want me to talk to him but I held back a little when they came back to the house. he asked me if I thought he was good looking and he told me I was and he told my friend later when they were texting that they were almost cuddling and he would've welcomed me to cuddle with him and he said that with a winky face. then he said to my friend that he thinks that I don't like him. he flirted or at least tried to with me a lot more than with her. same with his friend. so, do guys get intimidated by girls when they are "attractive" and unreadable? do they sometimes settle?

[MrOracle]

Yes, absolutely. And for a lot of guys, that lasts through college and even later.

See, guys ASSUME that because a girl is especially pretty that she must have a ton of other guys hitting on her, and that many of those guys are "better" than he is in some way; better looking, wealthier, higher social position, more charisma, better body, bigger penis, etc. So they assume that they won't measure up, that the girl can get "any man she wants", and that she'll probably be stuck-up and will reject him and make him feel stupid and undesirable.

They aren't completely wrong; many beautiful women are "put on pedestals" and spoiled and have their ass kissed by guys, and many of them LIKE IT, and can be very cruel to guys who approach them or ask them out. Most guys have either experienced that, or have seen it happen to a friend, so making such generalizations comes easy, even though it's not really fair.

Guys are taught to be strong and in charge, but approaching a girl or asking her out, especially when he's inexperienced and knows he lacks still and confidence, makes him feel VERY vulnerable, and that's not a feeling guys are used to having, and it makes them very uncomfortable and uneasy. That's why being rejected by a girl is most guys' biggest fear.

Girls who are more casual and not quite so beautiful and "put together" make guys feel more equal and more relaxed, and makes the girl seem more "approachable" to the guy. Outgoing girls are also usually more approachable, because they tend to talk to everyone and make everyone feel comfortable around them, where a guy never knows what a shy, quiet girl is thinking, and often assumes the worst ("she's stuck up" or "she's laughing at me on the inside").

Then add the mixed messages that girls often give, and it's enough to make a guy give up in frustration... LOL.

[_kat_17]

What about if the male is older? There is a guy a year older than me. Is he 'intimidated' by me?

[Longshot]

Sometimes. In our society, guys are supposed to be on the prowl, start conversations, ask for dates, pay for dates, make a first kiss move, take the lead on sex, etc., etc. That does not come easily for evry guy -- some are intimidated, some are shy and others socially awkward. It is best if the girl lets the guy know she's interested and takes part in the process. Too many girls leave it all up to the guy.

[DishLady]

Sigh, Anonymous.

Guys of any age can be easily intimidated. There's a study conducted back during WWII indicating that guys wait for girls to "direct" the level of attention they desire from a guy. If the girl doesn't give the signal, the guy won't approach.

Of course this is eons ago, pre-iPhone/FB/Twitter/etc., so some of the strategic rules of engagement have changed. It also predates the 1960s feminist movement, which people are still arguing has damaged a guy's ability to determine whether a woman wants to stand alone or be courted, whether she will appreciate his opening doors for her or whether she'll want to open her own doors, whether he can be forward about his (physical) intentions towards her or whether she'll slap him just as quickly as her 1940s counterpart would.

Hmm. Confusion...decisions...it's all part and parcel of what makes life such a grand adventure. ;-)

[sephora]

typical teenage girl.

"I am skinny and been told I am gorgeous therefore every guy should like me because my friend is not pretty and is heavier than me, if they like my friend they are settling"

sorry but you sound full of yourself.

[Asker]

sorry

[sephora]

don't say sorry to me, just think about how you are comparing yourself to your friend, like she isn't good enough for a guy.

[Asker]

i can see where you're coming from and I obviously didn't mean it in that way I was just stating my point of view to get the most accurate answer. my friend is not ugly and I am not saying that she isn't good enough for a guy because she obviously is

[kairon156]

to me it sounded like you were giving off signals that told him you were just not interested, he tried to talk with you a few times tell he "got the hint" and left you alone.

I've had a quote for ages saying "I'm intimidated by beauty", so I can definitely see how a male around 16 can get intimidated even if he is outgoing and not ugly.

[Anonymous]

He probably assumed you were prissy because you were better looking. Most women tend to put up "walls" because they're trying to protect themselves from bad guy. The problem with this is, they usually wind up fending off some of the best dudes out there