How do guys feel after a break up if the girl does not beg for him to take her back?

[Lucy7509]

Ok, guys now I played it nice after the break up, wished him well the day after, never begged him to take me back or consider to reconcile. I have never heard from him since, as as we ended in a fight I am trying to figure out how he might be feeling relieved, happy, or sad? How do you guys feel after a break up? Do you think about us girls afterward if at all?

[MrOracle]

When I break up, the relationship is over, completely and totally.

That doesn't mean I won't be sad or upset about it, but it does mean that there's no going back. I don't call, text, email, or check their social media. If I see them in person, I'm polite, but I don't really engage in conversation.

Why?

Because that's how you get over someone and move on. I'm not about dwelling on a past that I can't change, or a relationship that obviously failed (note: I don't mess around when it comes to break-ups; they're SERIOUS, so I don't break up over little stuff).

Women have a tendency to want to "stay friends" with their ex's, and most assume that's going to happen. BIG MISTAKE, both because it's naive to believe that you CAN remain friends without constantly dealing with your feelings, which prevents you from moving on, and because it's almost never going to happen anyway. Your assumption should ALWAYS be that the day you broke up is the last day you'll ever speak to that person, because that's usually the truth.

[Lucy7509]

ok I can understand your point of view, I don't disagree with the lets stay friends, he ask me that once and I replied, no I will never be your friend because I have been your lover. That means something to me. But you comments about never speak well how is that fair, in my case he ended the conversation that night by saying it was over, it was not what I wanted, I wanted to work it out. How is that fair?

[MrOracle]

What you have to understand is that in order for a relationship to work, you BOTH have to want it to. If he doesn't want it anymore, there's simply nothing you can do. I suppose if you don't think he was serious (or took it seriously enough), you can talk to him, but you also need to put a deadline on it. You can't wait on him for very long hoping he'll come back, because he probably won't. That's why I always have the "we'll only break up ONCE" talk with my SOs.

[Jonah13]

Good principle to work with, my ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago and I wish I did that, I was stupid enough to try to fix things, talk, call, email.. now I just feel like I disrespected myself, which shall never happen again.

[madhatters4]

depends on the guy. depends on the depth and length of the relationship...

but most of us will think about the girl to a point afterward. it's impossible to say whether he is happy, relieved or sad, since we don't know the guy but I'm sure he think about you to some extent...not necessarily in a longing way or ding dong the witch is dead kind of way but it's nearly impossible to just not think about someone you had a relationship with

[Lucy7509]

Well we were mature adults and had been together for 8 months, we talked about moving in together and spending our life together, even to the point that we told each other what the other would want if they died, you know funeral stuff.

We did love each other, but toward the end of the relationship it got complicated I had illness, he kept giving me excuses why he could not be with me and he never shut up about a particular ex. Just wondered what happened on your end on ours we are heartbroken

[madhatters4]

I hear ya. Honestly it depends on teh relationship. If the end of the relationship was difficult then he may feel relieved. But I'm sure it's a mixed bag, he probably has days where he feels great and days where he questions the decision and wonders. But it really depends on the guy and the relationship

[Anonymous]

Often men convince themselves to feel relieved soon after a breakup, but then the feelings start to sink in later. This is why men are notorious for leaving those drunk, sad voice mails months after a breakup when you thought he didn't care.

We are more likely to feel sad initially, then get over it. Give it time to know how he's feeling.

[PhilaPenn]

Haha.I've seen my friends do and and it's like watching a slow motion car accident, and they never listen.

[Lucy7509]

thanks everyone...for giving me a heads up...not sure he will do that however he did ring me up late one night to talk absolutely pissed...and for the reasons thefriendlycanadian stated...he was missing me and thinking of sex...

[beastman88]

my ex broke it off with me, in the worst way possible. left for another man she barely knew and she got burned in the end. 3 months later she comes crying back to me with her sob story about her current ex boyfriend and what a nut job he turned out to be. all the while she's still trying to say she still loves me. I just flat out told her I could never trust her again and that I could never take her back she tried justifying her actions but there is no justifying cheating. if you want to break it off with someone, break it off, don't try and break their heart as well. at least you didn't cheat. I was quite the melting pot of emotions, mostly anger. I never cried about it, why would i? why would I cry for a skank? lots of anger, at myself, at her, at that weirdo she chose over me whose about 10 years older. sure I was no angel in the relationship but I never cheated. I've tried being her friend afterward but I just couldnt, thinking about her and the whole situation pissed me off. the anger turned out to be greater than my wanting for a friendship with her. we've had good times together but when she cheated put a knife in my back that I can't get over. still pisses me off thinking about it lol. I don't like being angry so I just cut her out of my life completely.

[Lucy7509]

Yes, I can understand you anger and cheating always ends the relationship. My relationship dynamics were completely different what I now know was I had was a guy who could not commit, not keep his word to me and did not know how to be with someone longer than a few months. It was a LDR and I hated feeling like a holiday romance to him, most of all I allowed him to deceived me into believing we had a future together because I now know we never did, I should have ended it months ago.

[jmistyrain]

I understand your anger and emotion..but did she just left for a guy out of a blue or was there problems that happen before it? It seems you haven't forgiven her yet. Only by forgiving her you will feel better.

[beastman88]

we had our problems but I didn't think it was enough for her to leave me for another guy. I've tried forgiving her, just not happening. I can forgive most things but I've never been cheated on before. plus I guess they were cheating for like a month behind my back to. don't know why I should forgive a nasty ho

[PhilaPenn]

The prevailing feeling is usually relief, followed by excitement to get the next chapter started. I guess there is a little saddness that you've come to the end of something-if it was something good. But most of the time, I was mentally over it by the time the break-up happened. I always wish them well and can be cordial as long as they are cool and not feeling vindictive/pissed off at me.

You did the adult thing after the break-up. I'm guessing that he broke up with you (just from the way you describe things). You should work on doing things that make you happy now, and not wasting time thinking about your ex.

[Lucy7509]

Yes he did break up with me, but only after I was not listening to him, he could not understand that he always said the right things his actions though never matched, we were going through a bad patch, he should have worked it through, instead he choose to leave and I did not want to be the manic ex so I accepted with grace his decision, it however does not mean I am still broken hearted because I am.

[PhilaPenn]

Oh okay. Well, maybe you guys just aren't a proper match. Time heals all wounds. If a man's actions do not line up with his words then that man is a dishonest man. It may feel as though you have lost something major, but I think that you have come out better for it. You can never fully trust a someone who is not a man of their words. You obviously weren't satisfied, and he was not interested in working anything out or he would have at least checked up on you to see how you were. Pain fades.

[Lucy7509]

Funny that you should say that because I had said that to him directly, you are nothing if not your word. He lied to me once and put his friends before me often. I forgave him and that is where I made the mistake with him I should have walked away.

[PhilaPenn]

The lying is unacceptable. The friends part is debatable, I mean chances are he's known those guys longer that he's known you. So I think that there needs to be some balance. He shouldn't always put them ahead of you, but at the same time he shouldn't drop out of their lives just because he has a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Guys generally don't bother looking backwards at exes. There is nothing to be gained by it.

It can be different if the guy is immature and she was his only girlfriend to date. Then it's possible he can be a bit of a clingy milksop, but only because he has no other experiences to compare it to.

For a guy who has dated a couple of girls, leaving another one behind him really doesn't mean much, no matter if she dumped him or he dumped her. He knows there will be another one along shortly, and there is nothing to be served by looking backwards.

If you ran for a bus, and missed one, but got the one that came 10 minutes later, how often would you spend pining for the bus that you missed? The one that got away?

[jaime76]

What about the guy who breaks up with you and still reaches out to you and asks you to be friends even when you never begged and never contact him? Also, the men who ask you to "talk" and want to "meet up" and say they still care, but STILL don't want a relationship?"

[Opinion Owner]

They are hoping they can still get laid from time to time, obviously.

[PhilaPenn]

Lol. I feel like I could have said this, but I wouldn't have worded it exactly like this. But the point is that the sun rises everyday. Can't get hung up on the idea of one person. People who can't move on usually are hooked on a perception of a girl or a guy and a perception of what they are as a couple. Guys can kind of turn attachments on and off if they so choose. But the serial dating is only good for a chunk of time then you go for the long term. But after a breakup a new one is perfect.

[Lucy7509]

oh make no mistake about this, I am not hung up on the perception of him or our relationship.

For me it is how in the midst of an argument he just ended everything literally, I was not expecting that at his age. Also he should have the maturity to at least wish me well, not just act like his shoe size rather than his age 55 and the fact is we each live in different countries I was never going to be the girl that stalked him, I'm training to be a doctor for gods sake

[Confucius16]

If I ever break up, I would be really devastated. Going into a relationship with high hopes, it is really devastating to have hope come crashing down. Nothing that great can end that tragically. That is just saddening. Yeah, I would think about the girl. A lot.

Even if there was a break up, if I had a girlfriend, I would not want the girl to beg. If there was a break up, it probably happened for a good reason, and getting back together would just start up the problems that occurred the first time around. If you haven't addressed the problems, then getting back together doesn't work.

That being said, if a girl wanted to get back together with me, and I could see her feelings were hurt, and I also wanted to get back together, I would. I know conflict management.

[Stingraey]

Don't really care. We broke up, its time to move on. Her begging is just going to start making me think about her again, which is not what I want when I'm trying to get over her.

If he really liked you, he would have tried to reconcile by now. Just move on.

[Lucy7509]

Yes I agree, if he wanted me back he would have spoken to me now. I know how to find him, he knows how to find me, he wants to talk eventually or at all he will, I accept that...just wish I didn't love him so much.

[Stingraey]

Been there, sweetheart. I know it hurts and I'm sorry. You'll find love again I can promise you that.

[Anonymous]

If he broke up with her, then he doesn't think about her much at all, because he was over her before he broke up with her in the first place.

If she broke up with him, he'll think about her for months to years, depending on how invested he was in the relationship and how unprepared he was for the break.

[bruvleigh]

well it sounds like he split with you yes?

in which case why would he feel bad about breaking up with you?

he WANTED to split with you...

hes probably releived you arnt begging.

noone wants to deal with a begging ex

[Lucy7509]

I am amused by the way you assume what we were fighting over was my fault. He was the one who could not keep his word, he was the one who would not shut up about his ex's and kept in contact with them, he knew he had done wrong with me to end the relationship in midst of a fight was just wrong and at his age 55 he should have had the maturity to ring back once just to end it amicably. I was gutted but also relieved myself it was over hence me never asking for reconciliation. I want closure.

[bruvleigh]

never said it was your FAULT. regardless of fault he chose to end it so my point stands.

its a shame people feel the need to talk to there ex's

[Anonymous]

Not all guys are the same and won't react the same way. In my case, I would just want to move on. Getting with a new girl helps to forget it. As someone else said, only a noob would consider getting back together if there was a good reason to break up. An adult would think it through and be glad the right choice was made.

[PhilaPenn]

Truth.

[stubbsy]

In all honesty, this kind of treatment will be killing him, there's no way he will be taking this well, and although he has not bothered getting in touch, you can bet your his every thought,x

[Lucy7509]

I know he probably thinks of me, I loved him he never questioned that, I hope he can reach out to me one day and reconcile his feelings, because only a week earlier he was telling me 80% of us is grand the other 20% we need to work on. thanks for your comment it is lovely and comforts me.

[ketfoen]

After such a break up, I'd probably be relieved and happy and go on with my life. Will I forget you, of course not, but I won't be missing any sleep or get back together with you.

[Anonymous]

This probably sums it up perfectly link

If it wasn't for the sex we wouldn't put up with that much craziness.

[shumailkazimi]

Varies from person to person...if that guy was serious about the relationship I'm sure he will think about that girl...if it was just the usual one he would think ahead

[Yas10]

Same way you girls feel when the situation is opposite. It's not just about being the guy or the girl, cause we're human.