Why is being desperate so bad?

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with being a little desperate. Can a good relationship not form from someone who's desperate? Why is feeling desperate, a natural human emotion, so bad? Why do we shun it and fear being seen as desperate? What's wrong with being a little desperate? What's so bad about wanting a relationship very badly. We're human and we have instincts and one of those instincts is to seek out affection. What's wrong with that. Someone who doesn't get much affection is going to feel desperate. Why is that so bad? What's wrong with it? If you like the person why does it matter if they feel a little desperation. Are we afraid that the desperate person is going to abandon us? Are we afraid that they desperate person doesn't really care about us? Are we afraid the desperate person only wants us because they're desperate? Can they not be desperate and still have a genuine interest in you? Or are we just using desperate as an excuse to run from a relationship that we just don't want to be in? What do you think?

[udolipixie]

Why is being desperate so bad?
Possibly because it could lead to lowering standards which may result in bitterness, resentment, or unhappiness for the desperate person, the other person, or both. As well as being desperate can give the appearance that the person is willing to take just anyone who says yes and that the person they choose is just as replaceable and interchangeable as any other.

Can a good relationship not form from someone who's desperate?
Possibly though I find it's likely a low chance as it would seem the desperate person could be clingy, needy, co-dependent, passive-aggressive (not directly aggressive in fear of being dumped), emotionally manipulative/abusive (to ensure the person stays with them), or a pushover (willing to do anything to please the other despite the expense to himself/herself). In my opinion none of the previously mentioned are factors in a good relationship.

Why is feeling desperate, a natural human emotion, so bad?
Egh it's not bad in my opinion. It is seeseen negatively however to me that doesn't make it bad it just makes it something others dislike or don't want. No different than if a gal doesn't like a guy that doesn't make him bad just disliked/unwanted.

Why do we shun it and fear being seen as desperate?
Probably because it seems lots of reckless, dangerous, and/or violent things have been done out of desperation. As well as being desperate can cause others to feel unsettled, uncomfortable, or unsafe as they may not know how far you will go to get what you want.

We're human and we have instincts and one of those instincts is to seek out affection. What's wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion as I don't apply right/wrong unless it pertains to harming children or animals. However to me it seems you're using it's an instinct so it's okay reasoning and that's not suited in my opinion as lots of actions/emotions are instincts however that doesn't mean they should be looked favorably on

[XRabbitHeartX]

Wow... that's a lot of questions! :/ But to answer you in "short", desperation itself is not bad but the problem comes when someone is so incredibly desperate that they start acting obsessive. While it's ok to crave a bf/gf or love or even a certain someone, it's very unhealthy to actually become so obsessed with it that it consumes your entire mind and becomes the reason for your existence. Desperation is also often linked with being clingy and clingy is also not a very attractive trait to have. Being a little desperate is fine but you just need to keep yourself in check so as to not give off the impression that you have nothing in life going for you other than the fact that you want a relationship or a specific person.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Moderation is pretty much they key to almost everything **

[XRabbitHeartX]

Typo * the

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between wanting someone and being desperate for ANYONE. I guess that's what people mean when they tell people to avoid being desperate.
When you come across desperate, people don't feel special because they think you'd take anything that says yes.
If I knew someone was desperate for a relationship, it would definitely make me think he didn't REALLY like me.
In fact, I was dumped by one guy one time, he said he'd only been with me because he was "so lonely and so desperate". And we were together for months.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Good question. I never understood the importance Desperation has on the human psyche. To me it just means that the desperate person just wants to be in a relationship, nothing wrong with that. It can't be worse than having a relationship with a lustful person.

I think people are more scared about the neediness of desperate people... the clingyness.

[Anonymous]

I hate how it looks worse in men than it does in women, doesn't help the fact that since us guys have to initiate, it's hard to be assertive and pro-active without trying too hard

[Anonymous]

I agree with you in a sense; but I also would worry about the possibility that someone wanted to be with me more to avoid being alone than because they'd choose me over anyone else. A situation like that also creates a power imbalance where if someone is desperate to be in a relationship they're more vulnerable to being mistreated by unworthy partners who feel like they can get away with anything and the other person won't leave :(