Why is being desperate so unattractive? why is neediness, clinginess, so repulsing? why is it such a turn off?

[Anonymous]

I really never understood why, why does it turn a person off, why is it so unattractive when a person is desperate for a relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend? Shouldn't it show the person you are devoted to them? that you really want them?

Updates

+1 y

obviously, especially for guys, it's like for guys, there is never an excuse for being desperate, needy, clingy, society, life, culture, makes it out to be feminine traits, as in, it's okay for girls to want or need a boyfriend for validation, but never the other way around, why do guys have to be comfortable and content, secure with themselves, happy being single before entering a relationship but girls don't have to? why? how come? it really pisses me off

Updates

+1 y

"Try not looking for a girlfriend for a while, you don't really need one. Instead focus on yourself, on personal social growth. Join something, a bookclub, sports, a choir, volunteer locally, a school club, whatever as long as if forces you to interact with new people who don't know you. Find out who you are without all the social shortcuts and habits you employ with your friends. Give each place say 3 to 6 months to get used to." Girls don't have to do this, but guys do, it pisses me off

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I think clingyness in a guy is kinda flattering - only because I crave that degree of affection.

As far as your rant regarding why this is expected of men and this is expected of women - it's just human nature on top of emphasized ideals of our observed natures within society.

That's it.

Your over thinking every little aspect of your nature in respects to the idealized nature - which is a self destructive idea.

All that matters is what works for your life. There is not a man alive who is the perfect man. There's no such thing as a person who is 100% confident all the time, or doesn't have their moments of clinginess and desperation.

It's more so how you handle these aspects of yourself and sculpt your reality that will make them work in your favor or against you.

Quit stressin.

The same advice your getting about waiting for a person and taking a break - is the same exact advice several women in your position have received on here.

Lol - just so you know mr. " guys have to but girls don't have to."

Really?

Quit blaming everything else - no one's got it perfect due to their sex or race or whatever. I wish I wouldn't be stereotyped, frowned upon, called a n*****, placed in the " least desirable for dating," category and the " least attractive " category due to my race and gender.

But that's my burden to bare. The grass ain't greener on the other side, as much as you like to believe it is.

So -

You can either keep complaining about the dead brown grass on your side of the hill - or get the water hose and fertilizer then get to work.

I'd say you think the world is so against you here - but your mainly against yourself.

Our biggest demon is that very person we see in the mirror so...

[Asker]

because guys have emotions, feelings too you know, we are not robots, cyborgs, androids

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

obviously. but you do understand that stereotype came from the observation of male nature right? That men are inherently less emotionally revealing / impulsive as women? Not all guys, but if you get an emotional guy in a room with an emotional chick, the chick will still demonstrate her emotions more incredibly than he would. Don't know why. Just our natures I suppose.

[Asker]

yeah, but a lot of us guys won't be that way anymore once we find out we are accepted by a girl we like

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Not neccessarily. Some people get even more clingy / desperate for their partners affections. Depends on the person. Everyone gets a lovely boost to their ego, self worth, and feeling of acceptance being in a relationship - well until it goes down hill lol - but even out of a relationship you shouldn't be feeling so sh*tty or desperate. Your still just as good as anyone else if you've got your head about you. Shouldn't be falling apart because the world isn't suiting you how you'd like

[Asker]

oh well

[Intothevoid666]

I don't know the fact women do this very seriously makes me question if I can’t ever have a serious relationship with women. Cuz what a lot of women see as clingy is any more interest then their ridiculously low level of interest. U have literally ignore a lot of women or your too interested in their minds. Like yeah I’m more interested in sex than u r that shouldn’t be a surprise. I’m supposed to just hide the fact that I would fuck women that I think are hot quickly upon meeting them. I guess. I think I’ll just actually never want a relationship anymore and boom wow this is easy won’t be clingy ever again.

[saelym]

It's okay and natural for a person to have those kinds of feelings at some point, but what is undesirable is when those feelings get out of control.

There is a line between being desperate and being persistent. I think, when a person acts desperate, his or her attempts to get what they want get out of control.

A guy wants a girl to date him so badly, he says that if he can't have her, no one can. Desperate (and downright dangerous).

A guy wants a girl to date him so badly, he keeps talking to her and putting his best foot forward, even though she hasn't warmed up yet. Persistent.

People have needs, and it's right to pursue them. What makes someone needy is when they pursue wants as if they are needs. It's like when a child throws a temper tantrum because it wants a cookie and is denied it as opposed to a child who is starving and must have food.

As far as being clingy goes, everyone needs space. If a person - guy, girl, friend, partner, whatever - cannot respect my need for space, then it's just that, a lack of respect.

Devotion and desperation are not the same. Adoration and obession are not the same. Protectiveness and possessiveness are not the same.

I think, in the easiest terms, the lines can be drawn where respect, sensibility, and maturity are lost.

[Asker]

makes sense

[saelym]

In response to what you said about it being more acceptable for women to act in that manner, I think that sort of thing is pathetic when anyone does it. Even more so when they can't take what they dish out. Don't demand better of someone else than you are willing to give of yourself.

I hate seeing my dad's girlfriends act that way, but he won't get rid of them for whatever reason. I guess he'd rather be smothered by some crazy chick than be alone.

[Asker]

yeah but women are able to get away with it

[saelym]

So don't let them? I mean, isn't it kind of up to you to tell someone to knock it off when they're doing something you don't appreciate? You have no more control over the world's female populatoin than I do over all the men on the planet, but you can set your foot down with the people you know and are involved with.

[Intothevoid666]

But I don’t care if a girl is really into me or no so why not let them? There’s a difference between dangerous and desperate and women hate both independent of each other. If a guy really wants a girl he is unattractive to her no matter what. Which is super unfortunate cuz I don’t think I want to date women anymore after I’ve learned this tbh.

[Simple-Simonette]

I think there is a distinct difference in being desperately in love and being desperate to be loved - though neither are positive feelings toward wanting a relationship.

I don't equate desperation with devotion. Being devoted, to me, is the same as being extremely considerate of your object of affections desires and feelings. Being desperate means you are burdening that same person with the responsibility of how you feel. A synonym of "desperate" is hopelessness - where does that fit in a healthy relationship? Being desperate has negative connotations because I think it stems from caring about how others make you feel as opposed to how you make others feel.

Being desperate to be loved (jeeze, I feel like a parrot here!) has nothing to do with wanting an equal relationship and more about wanting to feel loved. Again, nothing to do with the object of your affection and everything to do with how they make you feel. It's all one sided when you're desperate, and one-sidedness and relationships don't work.

I have no doubt that you are capable of loving a woman, but is it for the right reasons?

For the record - I don't agree that it's okay for a woman to need a boyfriend for validation. That is just as unhealthy and self serving all of the above.

Best of luck.

[Asker]

it's not okay for a girl to get validation from guys?

[Simple-Simonette]

In my opinion, no.

[Asker]

yeah but guys seem to tolerate that

[Intothevoid666]

If men didn’t date women who seemed validation from men ever over half of women would always be single

[learningthegame16]

Because when you're in a relationship you want to be apart of that person's life, not their ENTIRE life.

The idea of being hounded 24/7 by someone because they need constant validation isn't cool. Everyone likes to have time to themselves and to spend alone with their friends.

Needy guys and girls often don't understand this concept, which is why most of the time they're are avoided like a plague.

There's a clear difference between being devoted and insane.

[Asker]

and just because a guy is desperate does not mean he will not take just any girl

[learningthegame16]

I didn't say he did, but if he's desperate it means when he likes a girl he'll harass her like crazy.

[Intothevoid666]

How do u know that? And why can’t u just communicate to the guy u need some space? Or just ignore him if he is being too much? What’s with completely refusing to date him? I don’t understand that.

[RedThread]

Even though men still do most of the pursuing, women love a challenge.. they like to have to work for you and for you not to just prostrate yourself at her feet. If you are desperate for a relationship it makes them feel like you'd go for any girl and when it comes to girls I've learned that most of them like for them to be the only girl in your world.. like she's special.

[Asker]

just because I'm desperate does not mean I will accept, take any girl I can get, I will actually want that one special one

[Asker]

nice to know, you sure about that?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

lol well if your willing to wait for a certain girl -yea that's not very desperate. Desperate would be jumping at every single oppurtunity and pretty much disregarding your standards.

[Asker]

yeah but girls always think that guys who are desperate, are guys who will take any girl

[Intothevoid666]

@oOsweet~o~nessOo I am extremely picky I’ve had like 2 crushes in my entire life and both didn’t want me cuz I was too interested. I seriously hate how women do that.

[Anonymous]

tell me about it, it pisses me off

[Anonymous]

Because human beings are not supposed to be parasites. We are supposed to have some measure of independence. The only time such complete neediness isn't pathetic, is when it comes from babies and children.

[Anonymous]

You know what pisses me off? when Megan fox keeps calling me every day asking me for sex.

I JUST HATE IT!

F***ing damnit, because of that I'm just so turned off by her now.

BLEH.

GROSS!

:/

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

LOL oh you poor man :P

[Asker]

dumb

[frustratedchump06]

women have higher standards

[koalayes]

it's right opposite here.

[Asker]

what do you mean?

[sweet_18]

Because it is bothersome

[Kain6th]

Why is it bothersome

[sweet_18]

I don't like people who constantly have to talk to me. I like talking every day but if you text me and I don't text back it's because I'm busy. I probably did see your text but I don't like it when someone texts me and then keeps on even after I haven't replied. It's annoying

[Intothevoid666]

You’d rather go for a guy who isn’t that into you I already know how women work.