One Of The Many Anorexia Stories

JulieXO
One Of The Many Anorexia Stories

Eating disorders are becoming more and more common, especially among teenage girls. I myself have had some experience with that little bitch called ana, and I felt like I’d share it with the world.

I was a perfectly normal 13 y.o. girl. I had a lot of friends, I didn’t bother counting calories and my biggest concerns in life were boys and teenage magazines. Although I did a lot of sport ever since I was a kid, I was always on the chubbier side. My dad would often tell me that I shouldn’t eat so much, but I didn’t really care, midnight snacks were life. I mean, look at that happy 13 year old me.

One Of The Many Anorexia Stories

After I finished 8th grade, something very unfortunate happened. We were having dinner with the fam, and just like that, my dad announces that we’re moving to Germany. As you can imagine, it was quite a shocker for the little me. Like I said, I never had a problem finding friends, until this crucial move happened. I spoke neither English nor German when I first got there, and the other kids at my school weren’t exactly welcoming. They would humiliate me and laugh in my face while speaking German, which I sadly understood with the basics I knew. Their comments were about my hair, about my face, about my weight, about the way I dressed… There was one girl that called herself my friend, but she didn’t exactly make things better. She’d often say things like “Julie, you’d be so pretty if you weren’t so fat”, or “you should try losing some weight”.

I tried ignoring it for a while, but the wombo-combo of mean high school kids, my dad dropping a comment on my weight every other day and this great “friend” I had eventually got to me. I started to believe that my looks really were the reason for my troubles. The saddest thing is that I wasn’t event overweight, throughout all this time my weight has been in the healthy range.

Shortly after I came to this realization, I had a bad skiing accident. I spent a fair amount of time in the hospital and lost some weight as a result. When I got home, I was ecstatic. I didn’t care about the pain, I didn’t care that I couldn’t stand for longer than 2 minutes; all I saw was a flat stomach in the mirror. And I really liked it. So I continued eating close to nothing, in hope to keep my new weight, and I soon as I could exercise again, I did. I became obsessed with diet and exercise, in a very unhealthy way.

One Of The Many Anorexia Stories

My parents only started to notice something when I was severely underweight, but once they did, they took action immediately. It took a few psychiatrists, some happy pills and a lot of tears, but I recovered. I went to University as the old, happy me. And I loved it. My freshman year in university was definitely the best year of my life. I was free of all the calorie counting, depression and I found some awesome friends after a long time. I did some really awesome, spontaneous stuff, and I even got into my first serious relationship.

But of course that can’t be the end, that would be too good. With my happiness came food, and with food came the extra pounds, and for the first time in my life my weight slipped up to the overweight range. At first I didn’t care, but after meeting my boyfriend, I realized that I should probably do something about it. I tried to do it right this time, but ana got the better of me once again. I lost 20 pounds in around a month and a half. And even though I now look better than I ever did before, I can’t come to terms with my body. There's around a month between the two pictures below.

One Of The Many Anorexia Stories

This is a topic I rarely talk about on here, but I felt like it was time to share. Compared to some other cases, what I went through is probably nothing, but it still left quite the scar. I'd appreciate it if you kept any mean comments to yourself :)

One Of The Many Anorexia Stories
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  • Anonymous
    You look great and I hope you get better. I hope you don't get to the point I am at. I am 30 years old and I still go through it. I am posting anonymously because I think I am well known here.

    Mine started when I was 13 too. I'd always been skinny and weight and food was never an issue for me until the summer before I turned 13. I spent the summer eating junk without a care in the world. I returned to school, and people began making fun of me. I went from this skinny girl to having gained weight. My mom criticized me for being fat.

    I got really upset and started to skip meals. It was easy because my mom worked so much and my sister was never home. My dad died years ago. So I was always home alone, and I could get away with skipping meals. My mom expected us to make our own food. I went from just skipping lunch to every meal. My mom noticed I'd lost weight and she figured out why, so she forced me to eat or else I'd be punished. So I ended up gaining weight again. That started off an endless cycle I've been going through for the last 17 years.

    I starve myself and then I binge eat, and then I starve myself again. My metabolism is so screwed up now because of it. Right now I am actually eating healthy and normal. I haven't binged or starved myself in over a year, but that doesn't mean anything. I went two years without doing that and then I started again until summer of 2015 when I wanted to get my life on track again.

    It's usually stress that starts it for me now. It's not even being fat or thin anymore. I get stressed and it's like I get this high from starving myself. It's hard to explain but it feels good to know I am in control of something outside of my stresses. The hunger pains and the dizziness tell me that I am doing something right, and I feel less stressed.

    I truly hope for you that things don't turn out this way for you. I barely have any friends because of it and I ignore my mom and sister. It ruins your relationships because you don't want people to know what is going on. Going out to eat is hard. For me, I just blame it on work when I turn down family or friends to hang out. Either that, or I starve so that when I do eat I end up eating a lot of food in one sitting and they can't guess what's going on. My mom and sister now think I have a good metabolism being I can binge so much food in front of them but stay small.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • SlightlyCrazy
    I've had more then one close friend battle the terihble illness of the mind that is anorexia and or bullemia. It never fails to break my heart to think of such things. Congratulations in your strength and resolve and thank you for sharing. Might I add you are lovely in spirit and certainly in smile 😊
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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • COCOCHANEL
    you look good, just eat healthy and don't put chemicals in your body. i'm talking about medication.
    Like 1 Person
  • NotJustAnotherGuy
    I don't think you know what anorexia is. Wanting to be a healthy weight through diet and exercise, is not anorexia.

    Do you want a body like this?

    i.dailymail.co.uk/.../...ge-m-17_1461699861932.jpg

    Because if not, you're not anorexic. You're just pursuing a better body and should continue to.

    The body in your right picture is much healthier. And that is a body you should maintain (albeit, add some muscle to). If you get fatter than that, fasting is not harmful-- it's beneficial for your physical health. If you get skinnier than that-- well you clearly don't want to be skinnier than that or you wouldn't be afraid of the idea that you're anorexic.

    Anorexic people, don't believe they're anorexic. They perceive themselves as fat. And for some reason you look at that last picture and see grossly skinny-- instead of a healthy weight-- so you're far from being anorexic.

    I've been skinnier than you in your final picture as a cross country runner and I was never even remotely anorexic. I've experienced a lot of light headedness and dizziness of being underweight, which you don't even mention. So I assure you, you're not anorexic nor do you comprehend its challenges.

    Maintain your healthy fat levels, gain a little muscle, but for fuck's sake.. don't let PC culture give you diabetes. You don't have to be fat to not be anorexic.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • JulieXO

      I know very well what anorexia is. I used to look similar to the picture you posted when I was 16, but I don't have many pictures of me from that time. I stopped getting my period, I used to sleep for 16 hours a day because I had no energy, I was cold when it was 25°C outside, while wearing a sweater. And yet I still felt like I had to lose more weight. The last picture is a picture of me right now. I am just afraid of a relapse, since I lost 20lbs in a month without any exercise. The reason I recognize the fact that something might be wrong again is because I had gone through it before.

    • Nothing wrong with fasting 20lbs away when you're over weight. The question is, do you still want to lose more weight even though your weight is healthy now?

    • JulieXO

      Fasting is never a good way to lose weight. I might not have looked great, but I was still in the healthy weight range.

    • Show All
  • godfatherfan
    Eating disorders are horrible. I have been Bulimic since 1987. I spent 11 years in what I call the 'prime' part of it when I got down to 185 lbs. I am 6' 3" and that was way too thin for me. I have been in 'recovery" mode since 1999. I went from 190 lbs to 360 lbs in 9 months after starting recovery. That was horrible for someone like us. I still fight with this every day. I still purge daily, but only a tiny fraction of what it was in the "prime" years.
    in 1998 I was so miserable. I was at rock bottom with it and started looking for information. Keep in mind that for most of those early years, there was no internet. I had no way to know any of the possible problems. I mean, people throw up when they are sick right? so why would that harm me?
    What probably saved my life was finding SFWED. com. (something fishy website on eating disorders). Information, chat, bulletin boards. I found out how serious it was. it helped me in both seeking help and in the recovery process.
    I urge anyone with an eating disorder to go to that website.
  • AriadneSky
    the world is obsessed with bodies so its not surprising.. im not are why some people end up losing weight while others not but i think mod people have very unhealthy relationship with bodies and food. especially as long as women are focused on being desirable primarily for looks and little else i dont exp ext it to stop

    anorexia is not more popular it just used to be called different things. it earned a psychiatric condition. when companies found they could make a lot of money from prescribing anti anxiety and anti psychotic meds.

    the ocd side of things is common to any other ocd. it also shows up with similar brain patterns as people with autos. that probably accounts for the rigidity experienced with food or new experiences.

    my guess is whats called anorexia is a ocd condition and food becomes a focus as apposed to cleanliness or counting steps in a side walk etc bc of the sheer volume of attention food and dieting gets. its probably random that you obsessed over food as apposed to airplanes.

    any condition is difficult the important thing is to remain mindful and in control of your life, i dont think -anorexics- have ver different issues than other icd people and it should not be treated as its own spectrum illness, m bc it sensationalizes food fetishes. people just love hearing bout over eaters undertakers p[purging, its like a fantasy for public consumption. any icd can be dealt with regardless what it is about, and since the entire word thinks of food who bc they are starving or fat, its really not unique.

    thing is when people feel confident they dint feel the ned to micromanage everything. its probe best to remain in situations where yo feel in control so you dont turn against yourself.

    i do think the hunt for anorexia is a bit sick. the treatment is usually t take control away which was the issue in the first place. then people get reduced to being a person with an eating disorder. im glad yo say you had a run in with it as apposed to -i am anorexic-
  • RainbowFanGirl
    Hmmm, this seems more like bulimia than anorexia. Nonetheless I'm glad you recovered from it! You look great. Hopefully I can get that thin one day lol.
    Like 1 Person
    • I struggle with my weight too and I have lost 50 plus pounds and I'm trying to lose more 😌

    • JulieXO

      50lbs? That's pretty impressive (y) Also why does it sound more like bullimia to you?

    • Builimia is more of switching back and forth between fat and thin, and inducing vomiting only to consume again.
      And thank you. :)

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  • SadpersonT
    That's a great story, I looked chubby at some point when I was younger as well. I still struggle with my insecurities like my big thighs. This summer I was sick and had vomited a few times one day. Then the next day I realized how nicely flat my stomach got and I made myself eat a tiny cheese in over 20 minutes and that was all I ate that day.
  • Dipsy
    I hope you're okay right now. I've honestly always wondered how being anorexic is like. I mean, I really can't imagine being myself being very thin and not weighing much (facts) and still thinking (opinion) that I'd be too fat/much weight, while it's clearly not the case.
    Genuine question.
    • JulieXO

      I can't speak of everyone, but I just felt ugly, and I was convinced that I'd feel better if I got thinner. While I saw my bones protruding, I felt like there was excess fat on my stomach, and I absolutely had to get rid of it. I blamed everything not looking thin enough.
      It's not about the facts, anorexia makes you believe things that aren't true.

  • Felinegirl
    Ana is a bitch. I hope you'll be able to beat her for good.

    I think it's safe to say Im finally clean. The past year was a milestone: I weighed 57-58 kg over a year ago, didn't step on a scale for about 12-14 months and when I did again, I weighed... 57.5 kg. A healthy weight, it didn't go up or down and I didn't diet at all. I had expected to gain weight as this was my first year in uni, I moved out and I started drinking.

    I won't bore you with the details, but I struggled with eating disorders from my 12th to 17th, for nearly six years.

    Now I still seem to have a slight obsession with food, but I focus it on eating healthily instead. Im a vegetarian too, because I started that for ana reasons (I hated eating, so why should animals die and the environment be hurt just so that I can hate putting it in my mouth? Oh and meat contains calories) but as Im used to it now I just keep doing it.

    Like 2 People
  • CT_CD
    LikeDisagree 8 People
  • Anna96
    Stop right there! You look f*cking amazing. Loosing weight now wouldn't make you any prettier at all!
    Like 1 Person
  • CorvetteGirl
    I'm glad you had the courage to share all that. I've actually struggled with anorexia. I'm finally losing some weight and putting on muscle the right way
    Like 1 Person
  • TuMeManques
    I struggled with anorexia as a teen as well. I'm glad to hear you have overcome it. Good my take
    Like 2 People
  • Nadzzz
    this one was really worth to read
    i have actually felt ashamed about my skinny body but you know what? as time passed and i grew up at 16 i realized that it really doesn't matter. people are gonna love us or hate us. we can't make everyone love us and it doesn't matter if they do. all that matters is YOU, how YOU feel about yourself and the people that love you the way you are. you look very nice by the way. keep that weight but in a healthy way :) hope you feel better now and i wish you the best bcs ana is a bitch
    Like 1 Person
  • lumberman9
    I'm glad you're able to open up about it and that you're making an effort to get help and people are reaching out to help you
    Like 1 Person
  • TryingToWriteBooks
    You're not anorexic. You just went from fat to average.
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    • Anorexia is not about how you look. You dont need to be stick thin with your ribs poking out in order to have an eating disorder

    • lumos

      Yeah, anorexia is not a "look". It's a mental illness. And as such anyone can have anorexia, whether they're 90 lbs or 250 lbs. Quit spouting bullshit you know nothing about.

    • Bobbyhill1

      so I assume you like tooth picks and crack addicts trying to write books? stick to your books.

  • danii_024
    Respect for being so transparent and vulnerable. I hope you nsnafe to keep this demon under control.
    Like 1 Person
  • mrdave11
    its still something very serious to have to go through and you're brave to talk about it
    Like 1 Person
  • Ovidiu-Nicolae
    5 ft 8' 123 lbs is good or bad? maybe it's just 120 lbs I do't know for sure
  • John_Doesnt
    Anorexia is never a laughing matter.
    Like 1 Person
  • Waffles731
    I hope you are okay
    Like 1 Person
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