My wife is putting on weight, how would you broach the subject?

[Anonymous]

I love my wife and I am okay with her being overweight. She never was and never will be thin. But in the past several months she has been putting on more weight. She exercises, though inconsistently. I think the major problem is she likes to eat. When we eat and I am finished, she often goes for another helping. I won't love her any less if she weighs more, but I wouldn't mind it if she weighed less. How would you address the issue if you were in my position?

[Anonymous]

Here are a few suggestions without talking about this subject. You can change or improvise these suggestion depending on your schedule and your lifestyle:

Health Checkups

1) Have a check on both of your cholesterol level and blood pressure with the doctors. It works more effectively when she realize from within what she needs to do to stay healthy, and it's always easier to push and encourage someone if you have good reasonings and doctors to back it up :)

2) Do regular at-home-health checkups such as blood pressure, measuring both of your weight, etc as a reminder.

3) Take note of whether anything is causing her to eat more carbs recently, and observe her diet patterns in relation to her past and her emotions, and nip the problem in the bud. My dad eats a lot of junk food because it's his comfort food due to his high level stress job. So my mom seeks ways to help him to reduce his stress level.

With these done, it's easier to let her know that she's been putting on weight.

Diet:

1) Keep up with the plan of not purchasing chips/ice cream/chocolate/junk food anymore. Continue buying and introducing new snacks which are healthier yet tasty.

2) If you can, in the morning and at night (you can do either one only if you prefer), blend a combo of apple, carrot and celery juice for your wife and yourself and drink it. First time round most people are quite disgusted by this mix, but they will be fine once they get used to it.

3) If your family has been eating healthily, keep it going and keep the meals low on butter, mayonnaise, cream. If it's possible, purchase brown rice and japanese rice for cooking delicious meals such as kim chi rice because they fill up our stomachs real fast without overeating. Also, make sure cook in small portions so that all the food finishes in the 1st servings. You might have to research and improvise some recipes to fit what your children like to eat while keeping it healthy while keeping it on budge.

Exercise:

You mentioned that your wife doesn't like gym. I'm sure your kids are having holidays soon/now. Go swimming together after your wife and your work and bring the children along. You can also try more outdoorsy exercises such as frisbee, cycling, tennis, badminton etc. Another trick is to choose a sports which your kids are interested/learning now, but not too intense. Sometimes use the fact that you or her or the kids or the family has been eating a lot that day as an excuse to go for some exercise :) Try finding something/some exercise that she enjoys or she's good in (even dancing will be good). After exercise, make sure she doesn't overeat again.

There are other options such as trying to get her to take part in your diet plan as well, but do what works best for all of you and stay creative. My dad has the same problem as your wife. These have been the things that my mom have been doing and it works. She might be resistant sometimes, but be patient and things will improve. Good luck.

[Opinion Owner]

This programme gives quite some good ideas on keeping it healthy, coming up with recipes which the children will like, whilst keeping it on budget.

Hope it helps :)

link

[Eiffelgirl21]

Well, this is a touchy situation. But, one thing you can do..is try working out..and doing other outdoor exercises if you have time. Another thing, you can also try eating better. I am not sure what you all eat..but, if you eat anything and everything..then if you tell her you want to start eating better because you do not feel as healthy anymore..then she might catch on. The best thing to do, though, is to do both. Eat better and work out together. Even if it means taking a romantic walk at night or in the morning. You can also use the excuse like one of your friends at work or etc..told you about how it is good for your health to work out..and it gives you energy..in so many ways...like in the bed..and outside of the bed. And, it will help you in the long run to be mobile longer. That type of stuff. Or..you can always just be nice and calm and tell her you noticed she is gaining some weight. Don't say she is fat..but mention you notice a little weight gain..and ask her if she is okay these days. Like depression, or possibly a thyroid issue and etc... Just a few options. Though, this is a touchy subject, it needs to be talked about and brought to her attention. I want my boyfriend to tell me if he can tell if I'm losing weight or gaining. I want to be sexy for him. And, be sure to tell her she still is sexy to you..and she doesn't look gross or anything. But, you are just noticing a little bit of weight gain..and it's no big deal to you...You just noticed.

[peculiar]

Well put

[Eiffelgirl21]

aww thanks =]

[someasianguy]

Like others have said, this is a very touchy subject that should be approached carefully. What I will say is that exercising more and eating less portions are definitely things to consider, BUT they are not the main reason. She doesn't seem to like exercising and you can't forcefeed cardio onto someone. She may get a pedometer and try to reach a certain number of steps per day but let's be real, that's not going to make a huge difference in weight loss without other factors. There's two things I can think of usually for these cases: 1) though you say you both are eating fairly healthy, this may not be true or 2) she is dealing with an issue such as stress or depression, etc.

For the second issue, you should ask her how she has been feeling lately, help around the house more if she says she feels tired, etc. Keep in mind that this could be any psychological issue or could even be something like boredom (as the saying goes, there's no fine line between boredom and hunger).

For the first issue, you should seriously keep a log of what you both are eating. Don't percieve this as going on a diet or eating less but rather replacing what you eat with healthier foods. Eating healthy IS contagious and as long as you cook healthy, this is the best way to approach the problem. This takes a HUGE adjustment to your daily life but I promise results will show. Go for 4-6 meals a day at 300-500 calories per meal. If you both are working, pack lunches and snacks the night before or in the morning. Something like oatmeal fatfree milk in the morning, an apple, banana for a snack, a spinich, tuna, egg, whole wheat bread sandwich (no mayo or anything) for lunch, a small salad with plain nuts for a snack, whole grain pasta (no salt, etc, just boil) with some steamed salmon and broccoli for dinner, then a snack of a handful of almonds 2 or so hours before bedtime. I'm not saying healthy food can't taste good but I don't care how many extra portions one gets but if all they eat is extra steamed broccoli and light tuna, they will NOT want to eat a lot more. And it would actually be good for them if they do hahah.

[themastaplan]

try introducing healthier foods. its not how much you eat its WHAT you eat...

starting bringing in new ideas and vegtables to the mix..stay away from rice and pasta, substitute it with broccli, pease, green beans, salads...instead of doing lasangia (or however you spell it lol), do fish, red meat, stuff that you can eat a lot of and not gain so much...

so yeah, basically just start to introduce new foods, if it looks like you're the one trying to diet she may just tag along...i mean, this is, if you make the food...or at least start to offer making it, so your not just like "um can you lose weight"...it basically makes it seem like they are making the choice and not being forced too

hope this helps!

[Asker]

We actually already eat fairly healthy foods, although she will admit that she really likes ice cream, chocolate, etc. But we never buy those foods, because it you don't buy it you won't eat it. She does like carbs, like most people, but I think the biggest problem is the extra portions, and probably too little activity.

[themastaplan]

yeah, id just start doing daily activities...even starting it yourself and her seeing you becomming in better shape should make her want to achieve the same goal as you...ice creams and chocolate can be eaten and you can be at a healthy weight...try doing low fat ice creams, or lite ice creams w/o even saying anything and see if she notices a difference..do a competition together? ride your bikes, any kind of excersize is better than none! good luck

[lace1228]

I am 26 and have struggled with my weight my whole life. I have a wonderful boyfriend that supports me and loves me very much for just the way I am. I am glad to hear that you can and will always love her no matter what because there is nothing worse for a women to feel unattractive to her partner. I feel in away that food is my choice of drug and in away food has become my biggest enemy and it very much controls my life. I know how I should eat and the things that I should do in order to be healthy but it is a huge struggle very day. I guess the only thing I can say is be patient and just continue to love her and be the husband she needs and tell her everyday how beautiful she is and that she makes you happy. On another note you can start by joining her in the kitchen and help make healthier choices together also try going for family walks. Also you can't eat it if it isn't in the house. Maybe look into a gym with child care so you can work out together. Let go of the excuses and just do it and maybe I can try and follow my own advice.

[vmw2008]

Tell her you would like to start a new weight loss regimen for yourself and ask for her help. Say it would be a lot easier and more motivating for you to stick to the plan if you could eat the foods and work out together. But approach it like YOU are asking for HER help and don't push the issue. Often all it takes is seeing a spouse getting in shape to motivate you to do the same. And once she starts, and feels the high of getting thinner and healthier, she'll be hooked on the plan for herself and not just to help you.

[Asker]

Good advice. We have tried versions of this. We have kids so going to the gym together is a bit problematic. I don't think she actually likes going to the gym or exercising with me either. I have tried to get her to exercise with me at night at home using an approach similar to what you mentioned and she says, "Why don't you just go to the gym and do it then?" I will definitely try to get more together physical activities though, bike rides, walks, etc., where everybody can come.

[vmw2008]

Exercising is definitely a time commitment & she has to be motivated to do it on her own. What will help though is if you are going on a "diet" so you start cooking/request that she cook healthier foods for everyone to help you out. She will drop weight without even realizing it by doing that. Physical family activities will help as well. & if you can manage it without hurting her feelings, I find there's nothing like a competition to see who can lose the most weight to motivate me.

[queenofpeen]

She probably already notices she's gaining weight, so I'm surprised she hasn't already talked about it to you... I'm overweight, and my boyfriend and I are very open about it.

Do you exercise? If not, maybe you can start and tell her how great it feels and encourage her to try it. That's really the only thing I can think of that wouldn't possibly hurt her feelings. Even if you say, "I'm worried about your health," it can backfire :P You could also try doing physical activities together, like hiking, biking, and swimming.

[Anonymous]

tell her you wanna go on a diet and as a family if she can help you out by making healthier dishes, I'm sure she will be persuaded to join in with u!

also plan some sports events, or fun active events you guys can do together, tell her you wanna go surfing or plan a vacation and be tourists go rock climbing all these things burn a lot of calories

if you show you wanna be healthier and eat fruits and veggies around her, she will feel pressured to join in with u.

also go shopping together! look at the girl clothes and tell her ud love to see her wear that! itll work like magic! because shell be wanting to impress you in that outfit!

whatever you do, don't tell her she's fat. probably the worse thing a man can say to a woman it can lead to depression. keep it to yourself and be positive about the issue.

[ryanrhino]

You've got a great posting. You can use your exact wording.

The best thing to do is make sure she's in a good mood and has lots of time to absorb it. It will most likely be a blow to her at first, but if you're caring and gentle and stay that great husband that you are, she'll agree with you!

Maybe you set an example. Ask her not to keep bad food in the house. You can inspire her to want to eat better.

As my friend told me, a diet is not something that makes you change overnight. This is confirmed by a lot of health experts. Sure, you're going to have some bad days regarding fitness, but it applies to so many things.

Slow and steady to lose the weight. Set that health goal, but, honestly, give yourself like 200% longer than you estimate with all of the facts you can research.

Good luck, my good man. And when she does lose weight, look out in the bedroom! The sheets will be on fire!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she just randomly started eating more, but there's a chance that something is going on with her and she's coping by eating. Maybe you could talk to her more and try to dig at what's going on inside her head. Don't make it too obvious, though. Try planning a small break from the routine so you two can have some concentrated alone time. If you find that there is something more to the weight-gain situation, then you can help her with that.

I'm no expert and this is just a shot in the dark, but who knows. I just think it's a way of being direct, yet not harsh.

[Aloicius]

Good luck with this one, dude. As far as I can tell, this is just one of those 'don't go there' subjects. If she wants to go to the gym, go for bike rides, with your, or other things would be the best way to indirectly address it. But I wouldn't say anything. Just be happy with what you picked.

[missbrittany]

What if the two you went walking together every afternoon or a couple times a week?

[Asker]

Great suggestion.

[missbrittany]

Whoever I marry, I hope that he will go with me sometimes. It will give us a little bonding time, plus we can stay in shape. :) I've just started back, and it feels pretty good. Gives you a whole lot of energy. The wii also has the wii fit program where both of you can compete, it is pretty fun, too! :)

[sweetycakes]

tell her id tell my boyfriend id start making healthy food or say lets both go on a diet together and go walking or get a bike and go bike riding together if that don't work just say I think youve put on weight , maybe you should cut dwon eating not that I don't love you but id prephare you to how you was before you seem to be letting yourself go.

[AmberChick]

If you are exercising yourself, ask her to join you. She might be more motivated to exercise and lose weight if you're doing it with her.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her she needs to lose weight she could stress over it and gain more. Maybe suggest to start a workout routine with her. And at dinner you could put the left over food away before you decide to sit down and eat. Small portions of food on a salad plate is also a good habit. But try your best not to make it look like your suggesting she needs to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

if she cooks, help her prepare the meals, and only make enough for one serving for each of you. start working out with her, go for a walk every night after dinner or something. don't say anything about her weight unless it really gets out of control, but if you are not super skinny, you could mention that you want to try to get in better shape and say it will be more fun for you if she does it with you

[male1234567890]

She can run for 1 hour and afford 3 biscuits. Exercising does not help. Tell her not to drink sugared drinks and not to eat carbohydrates and sugars. Only meat and vegetables and nuts. Like in cave ages.

[dtaijo174]

Exercise doesn't help?!? how do you explain all the bodybuilders eating 20,000 calories a day at 3% body fat? Or how about Mike Phelps' 10,000 calorie diet which included anything he could get his hands on?

[udolipixie]

If you wouldn't love her any lees you wouldn't have asked this question.

Just tell her I'd find you sexier without the fat.

[Asker]

Would you say that to your boyfriend, husband? LOL, that would go over real well. And no, her weight doesn't affect my love for her in the least.

[udolipixie]

Yes I would.

If it doesn't affect you why mention it?

[Skyler123]

Maybe he is concerned about her health. When you love someone you want that special person to be of both happy and healthy sound. Mentally and physically...

[udolipixie]

@Skyler123

nothing about her health was mention.

Just that he was okay with her being overweight because she's always been that way but she's getting too fat so he still loves her but wants her to lose weight.

@QA

Try the health angle most guys when their girlfriend puts on weight use that line.

Yes it's a line since in those cases the girlfriend gained 5 - 10 lbs.

[miki94]

Tell her you want her to be healthy, that you love her and that you want to have a buddy in your new diet. She will most likely agree.

[LuvBiddy]

If her portions are too big, she's not getting enough protein or fiber during the first helping. What do you two usually eat?

[brunettebelle]

Get her on to eating oatmeal, there is no way you can over eat oatmeal.

[kgrrl2323]

how over weight is she?

[Asker]

I don't know for certain because I won't ask and she won't tell, but I would guess she is up around 225. Through out most of our marriage she has been between 180 and 200.

[kgrrl2323]

how long have you been married?

[Asker]

10 years

[kgrrl2323]

well then if you don't want your wife to be mad at you, I wouldn't say ANYTHING. you've been with her that long and you married her. you should love your wife for who she is not how she looks. but I guess all guys are conceited like you. if you wan't her to lose the weight, suggest ideas that require physical activity. like hiking, swimming, and vigorous sex with her on top. then also cook dinners that are healthy. and if she asks about the change, say you want to lose weight.

[Asker]

Why the rudeness? Bad form.

[kgrrl2323]

because I know what it's like to hear those words from someone who said he loved me. it's very hurtful to hear that your SO doesn't like the way you look. and for the fact that you've been married for so long just makes me think that. I'm sorry. I know I'm still bitter from my experience but I did tell you how to go about doing it if it's nessesary that she looses weight to you. I wish my boyfriend said that instead of saying the things he said to me.

[Asker]

I know it's a touchy subject, that is why I am asking here instead of fumbling around with it in my real life. The thing is I don't want to hurt her feelings, because I know she can be sensitive about the subject. I am OK with her not being a dainty princess. I didn't marry that and that isn't what I want. Thank you for your input. I am sorry about your bad experience.

[kgrrl2323]

it's okay hope that helps you and thanks for understanding my feelings. it is a touchy subject and when it happened to me I wasn't even fat or anything. I weighed only 145. like 5 lbs more than when I first met him. so if you're going to do it, do it with EXTREME caution.