Is weight gain a sign of disrespect?

[Anonymous]

I was talking with one of my good friends from high school and he was commenting on how great his wife is. One of the comments (there were plenty others) that struck me was when he said, “She respects me by keeping herself in shape.” I’ve never heard it put that way before. I probed and asked him exactly what he meant and he came back with that she goes out of her way to make sure she looks good for him (and herself). He said everyday she puts down the pop tart and exercises is a conscious decision to show him that she cares about him. He thinks letting yourself go (aka getting fat) is a sign that you do not care what your significant other feelings on the issue (unless of course they are interested). “How can you stay committed to someone when they make no effort to be the best person they can be for you?”

So I open the floor to discuss the matter. Is keeping yourself in good shape a reflection of your feelings towards your spouse? Is the opposite true? Is letting yourself go, eating whatever you want and not exercising a sign of disrespect towards your spouse?

I thought this was interesting and should be added for discussion.

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[vmw2008]

Well coming from a family in which everyone really takes care of themselves, especially the women, I can agree that staying in shape creates a happier marriage. Party because your SO is happy, and partly because you are happier with yourself when you know you look good. While the women in my fam are all generally thinner than the husbands, the husbands still work to take care of themselves as well. I always get a little peeved when I see a gorgeous wife at a restaurant eating a small salad while her obese husband is shoveling down his second helping of cake. The men need to take care of themselves too.

As far as the respect issue goes, I can't say I agree with the idea that it's a disrespect toward you, especially in the case of the wife getting fat. People underestimate how busy the woman is in a marriage, especially after they have kids. It's incredibly hard to keep your weight down, especially when your body is more prone to getting fat post child birth. It's more likely that she's just so busy with other things more important (like children, housework, full time job, or all 3 if she's like most modern women) that she doesn't have time to focus a lot on her weight.

P.S. I've taken a psychology class in which we discussed the study in which marriages work out better when the wife is thinner. The real reason behind this? Women are more accepting of physical flaws than men are. That's all. A woman will still love her husband as he gets fat, but a man starts to lose love for his wife. Also because men tend to cheat less when he thinks he's married to a woman out of his league than if he's married to a woman he thinks is on his level. He feels lucky that she's even putting up with him being more fat than her, so he works harder at the marriage, and that creates a happier marriage.

[vmw2008]

Oh and like Eiffelgirl21 mentioned below, it's more a sign of respect for herself. Of course we want to look good for our boyfriends/husbands, but you'll find the real reason a woman stays in shape is for herself and how it makes her feel. It doesn't have much to do with the husband at all.

[genevieve]

I heard that marriage are more succesful, when wifes are prettier than their husbands before, I don't remember all the reasons. I think they said it had something to do with men constnantly having a 'better offer'

If she stays in shape and takes care of herself it might shows that she still cares a lot about how you feel about her looks. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. I don't really think it show respect for your partner and not staying in shape does most likley not show lack of such.

I seem to be alone with that opinion but I think he's being quite shallow there. You don't marry someone expecting them to always look the way they do.

Also I think projecting your looks on how you respect a person is ulitmatley worng, wouldn't that mean that in general a girl who works out a lot respects her boyfriend/husband more than one that doesn't?

And that's ridicoulous

[genevieve]

and especiall weight gain is normal when you get older, after pregnancies and taking care of children while working. Most women simply don't have time to work out all that much

[ALWAYSclassy]

Well yeah if you gain 80 pounds and sit around letting yourself go to pot, that's not being considerate about your partner. You should not only keep yourself in shape for him, but yourself. You know you feel terrible when you look like sh*t, so why let it get to that point? When you look good you feel good. Hopefully he is keeping himself in shape as well because I hate to hear fat ass men demand a woman be in shape when he's not himself. also I think that excess weight gain can be a sign of depression and emotional issues. If someone is already going through that, they need love and support not browbeating and disgust from their partner.

[Anonymous]

I think that's a little to biased. There are plenty of curvy and even fat women that guys find attractive because of the way they carry themselves. Plus as people age, their metabolisms slow down. So, if they don't adjust their eating habits their likely to put on weight. SO I think that if it's just a little bit of weight, then it shouldn't be a problem.

However, if it is an issue of obesity then there could be some underlying emotional, health, or relationship problem that the spouse is avoiding. In that case the partner should be allowed to address because if one is looking to food to fill up a gap, then saying he/she is disrespectful for putting on weight is likely to cause more problems.

I guess it would depend on the strength of the relationship, the comfort level between the couple, and the extent to which one member has gained weight.

I for one like curves, because stick-figure women just seem like pre-pubescent boys to me. That being said, I might be a little more forgiving of my future wife putting on a few pounds than someone who is obsessed with having a thin girlfriend.

[DonMichelle]

Yes, disrespect punishable by a massive kick in the bollocks, a kick so hard that the person can never have kids

[Eiffelgirl21]

wow...no it isn't in my opinion. I mean..it is more of a sign of respect out of yourself. I mean, I try to look good for me. But, I have to admit, that it is also so I look good for my boyfriend. But, it is not because I respect him. I just want to look good for him..so everyone knows that he has good looking woman...but for me and him. But, not because I respect him.

[FrancoBattiato]

I think keeping yourself in good shape is more a matter of self respect, rather than respect for your spouse.

[curiouschica]

Good point!

[udolipixie]

Yep guys should muscled with a head full of hair.

Keeping yourself in shape reflects to me attraction you feel for your spouse.

However letting yourself go can also be just medical or time issues.

Does he also respect her?

[udolipixie]

Also men treated their wives better if she's more attractive than him versus if she's less or equally attractive.

How a girl looks is relative to how a guy will treat her.

[DonMichelle]

''Yep guys should muscled with a head full of hair''

I don't like pecs... they look like t*ts

I don't like muscular men

... If a man has baldness in his genes...

You're a bit of a hypocrit UdolliTrolli ;) hahaha

[udolipixie]

How? I can take what I dish out.

[DebiPie]

No, I think it's more a disrespect to yourself & some depression, but only if it's a lot of wt. gain.

If it's only 5-10 pounds, it's just contentment. :D

[curiouschica]

No I'd say it's a sign of laziness, confused priorities, or some sort of disease process affecting the individual (or the medications taken to combat the particular disease)...

[lovelylife]

I don't care what anyone says, but most people DON'T want to be over weight. Your friend sounds a bit egotistic. Part maybe for her husband, but I'm sure it's mainly for herself. Sounds like your friend is a LOT full of himself.