What's your favorite space -- or safe space?

[DishLady]

Hi Guys & Gals,

At work I'm always going on and on about "safe space" and the importance of culling out a space that's just for you... to step away from the troubles of the world, relax, and be 100% yourself.

The people you let into this safe space should have the same goals as you... so a lot of people choose a workshop, home or space where they go to relax with their closest friends, loved ones, or just to be on their own and heal after a challenging day.

What's your favorite space/"safe space"?

[Lliam]

My safe space is in my home, sitting in my spot in the corner of the sofa facing our big, north-facing living room windows with a view of our garden and the wonderful landscape beyond. (We live on acreage in a rural area.) I love my comfy home!
I read and watch things on my laptop.
When my wife is at work, I sometimes smoke my tobacco pipe, as long as I have the side windows of the French doors in our dining room open and evaporative cooler blowing to air out the house before she gets home. LOL. We don't want the house to smell like tobacco.

[Juxtapose]

No space is safe, safety is an illusion.

That goes for emotions too. You have to be very careful of what you say and you are under performance pressure at all times with most people. Unless you really vibe with people and you could say whatever is on your mind without consequence.

[DishLady]

@Juxtapose, you're in a really cranky/negative zone today. You ok?

HOME can be a safe space... why wouldn't it be? I have a couple of people I can speak with 100% openly without worrying about being judged -- and actually make a habit of cutting the judgy folks out of my life pretty quickly.

[Juxtapose]

No, one of my cats is sick and it's going to be costing a lot of money. I thought she was going to die so I'm pretty stressed. I also have noticed who has been supporting me during this tough time emotionally and who has not. Most people have been pretty condescending even though I have had the utmost civility in expressing my vulnerability.

Not to mention in past relationships they fucking stab you in the back out of fucking nowhere. I don't really trust people that much unless they really prove themselves. unless they really prove themselves.

[Juxtapose]

Typo

[Juxtapose]

Well not most people I should say but enough that it has made me put up my guard.

[DishLady]

Uuugh. Yeah, that'll do it. Try to stay calm, though. Being all worked up in the summer heat is no good for you, ok? If you need to chat you have my dm, ok?

Ok, fair. My ex hubbie took quite a few potshots at me and some were really bad, tbh. I was really careful choosing people to be around in my life after that... and tbh I still mess up, However I don't let everyone into my safe space bc I need to have that time to breathe, relax and feel peaceful -- or as you mentioned, to say whatever wo consequence.

You're a good guy, J. You deserve way better than the loopy back stabbers for sure.

[Juxtapose]

Thank you for being understanding and I will keep your offer in mind.

It might be because I am autistic and people can seem erratic and unpredictable due to how I am not on the same wavelength as them. Without predictability there is not security and instead there is anxiety. I can feel that anxiety leave if I am completely alone to the point where I could scream in the woods and have nothing hear me. THEN I am safe from judgement.

I try to be! My cats are angels to me, so gentle and pure. I will do everything I can for them because their love is for real. I don't expect people to be perfect but damn if I have been there for you when you have been in a low place and cried? Do the same for me and don't half ass it. Geez.

I appreciate you hearing me out.

[DishLady]

Ok.

Nah, some people just suck. Don't beat yourself up over it.

I love that last about being there. Agreed.

Yeah, NP.

[DrPepper12]

In all seriousness and empathy. It must be EXHAUSTING to be you! Seeing threats everywhere and always guarded. You really need to try meditation or some similiar relaxation techniques

[Juxtapose]

@DrPepper12 I took Martial Arts for 11 years and still practice it on my own.

All the meditation in the world won't take away reality. I am saying what most thinking people think but don't say out loud.. people in general cannot be 100% trusted and you cannot 100% let your guard down around them.

[DishLady]

@Juxtapose, It's ok. Not everyone is going to agree on this topic. It's why I asked the question in the first place. I don't think that @DrPepper12 was taking a jab. Actually, in learning the martial arts, you should also have learned meditation and mindfulness exercises, right? I only took a workshop at my friend's MMA gym and he'd sit all the students down to do a little reflection before we started our class.

[Juxtapose]

Learning meditation doesn't magically make other people safer. It helps regulate my own emotions and it is not my emotions that lead me to distrust people, it is my logic.

[Juxtapose]

Also I am usually quite relaxed and chill. I just know to be wary of my surroundings and not treat other people like they are harmless. They are absolutely not harmless.

[DishLady]

Fair enough... Some folks don't have the experience that makes them think they need to be on "alert" mode 24/7, but I hear you.

[Juxtapose]

If you go to any decent dojo they will teach you the first step to self-defense is awareness of your surroundings. I hope you have a good one.

[DishLady]

"Situational Awareness" yes, yes, I know. But we also learn mindfulness bc it's not just a self defense class.

[Juxtapose]

What do you think mindfulness entails?

[DishLady]

I actually cover that really extensively in a bunch of workshops, so I have a lot to say about it -- too much for this space here. We can continue a bit over DM if you want. :)

[DrPepper12]

Sorry about the furry family by the way. Its tough in many ways with sick pets.

[Juxtapose]

@DrPepper12 thanks. I only want the best for her.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I always feel safe anywhere my husband is, inside our residence and in my business establishments.

However, my favorite places, specifically, are the entire outdoor areas (yards) and my home office in our home.

[StudyingAuthor]

Well... thinking about that, it might be hiding in my room, or turning the volume all the way up on my music. Or playing my drums.

[exitseven]

I have s nice home that i had built brand new and have done a lot of improvements both inside and out over the years.. My wife and I have worked hard and have just the home we always wanted. We have lots of memories hare and raised our 3 kids here.

[DishLady]

That's lovely. <3

[HawkPerception]

When I have partners, my partner is always someone I can be myself and understands me best as well as my best friend. I can speak my mind very comfortably. I admit that I can be slightly more of my goofy self around my partner when I have one though.

[ariadneR]

This is gonna sound so cliche lol, but anywhere my partner is. He's my friend first, and I feel completely comfortable running to him for anything. I tell him everything.

The other person, that I always have fun around is my 3 yr old niece. My inner child can come out and play

[MicahRaine]

My favorite space is out in nature, especially on top of a mountain.

My safe space is anywhere that's either secluded or where I don't know anyone.

[strangeatcircleK]

At home in front of my TV playing video games. I've got adhd, OCD tendencies so it engages enough of my senses to distract me from life's downs... Looking for another safe place though... The bar in cheers, if it existed in real life would be epic

[NathanDavis]

anywhere with AC...

[DishLady]

Right on! 🪭 🪭 🪭 😂

[NathanDavis]

the struggle is real... lol

[DishLady]

Oh, you don't have to tell me. My AC just conked out today.

[NathanDavis]

I replaced the three of mine this past month... lol

[DishLady]

I think it's a conspiracy, then... Any good deals?

[NathanDavis]

Costco always has great deals... lol

only one of mine conked out as well, but... since the other two are not so new but still work quite fine, I decided to replace them all to the same units, brand new ones are way easier to maintain

[DishLady]

OH... I do keep forgetting about them. Thanks for the reminder. I'll check it out. :)

[exitseven]

I got central AC last year. It is awesome.

[NathanDavis]

@exitseven that would be a most... with higher humidity

[TonyMetal___86]

Home sweet home, an escape from the outside cruel world and switching to my own utopian world where i make rules and laws 😁

[loveisbeautyful]

In my house alone in peace. That brings me so much happiness not dealing with people and their shit.

[Anonymous]

Used to be my boyfriend but we broke up like this week and now its just my bed

[DishLady]

Chin up. Make the space yours again. There’s a better person for you, I’m sure.

[DrPepper12]

Bike trails, beach and living room & basement at home

[OlderAndWiser]

My favorite space is the bed I share with my wife.

[DishLady]

Right on! <3

[RetroReviews]

In the Sega room playing Sega Genesis games

[Ms_Facesitter]

Our living room and bedroom :-)

[eagle1951]

my desk i guess

[Dongie]

Any place I want.

[MrGSpotHer]

Alone in the forest at night is the best

[CubaPirate]

The pub