How can I be better at comforting people at work?

[Puppystarfish23]

I'm a union rep at my work and I often have to deal with really sensitive, personal cases especially because I'm the only and first female rep in my area which is actually shocking but I can see why. Most the males feel uncomfortable talking about mental health and women's issues etc.

I'm usually to go to rep if they know the persons gonna cry in there meetings with a manger.

The thing is was raised with tuff love growing up and I wasn't allowed to cry or my dad would give me a reason to cry. It's made me very emotionally retarded 🤣 I've learnt it's okay to cry now but I still feel uncomfortable crying in public but I don't talk about my issues with anyone but my husband or my sisters so it's really hard for me to know how to react when a colleague of mine is crying right in front of me.

The other day I had a young man called Ben I had to rep as he'd been off sick a lot. Ben pulled a muscle in his chest causing him to have a panic attack at work and was rusted to hospital. Ben also damaged his knee whilst having a panic attack because he dropped to the floor. Ben's been struggling with his mental health a lot too atm so he's been in and out of the doctors office.

He seemed nervous before his meeting so I asked if he was okay and told me his girlfriend broke up with over text last night and but he didn't want to be here anymore.

It was to late for me to cancel the meeting but i told him if he needed a break at any point I'd stop the meeting.

I could see his eyes going red and welling up when they brought up his mental health in the meeting and he burst out crying I demanded the meeting to be stopped and we did stop for a while. I was left in the meeting room with a 21 year old man crying is eyes out in front of me. He was a total mess so I got him some water and tissues and asked if he wanted to be alone but he asked me to stay with him. I didn't know what to say or do I felt so awkward. I've had to deal with this a lot and I hate it everytime.

Updates

1 y

I covered up the windows so no one could see him crying and I felt the room to ask the mangers if he could go home because he was in a state. In the end the mangers delt with him and he pulled himself together and we carried on the meeting and got him in contact with a therapist. He thanked me for looking after him and not telling anyone but he cried because he's not the type to be seen crying at work tbh.
I just struggle because I want to stay professional but I feel these people's pain

[Effably]

Honestly the emotional bits are not my forte either. Understanding them? I'm amazing. Sharing them? Awkward. I make a fantastic person for the solving problem stage of help, for the comforting bit its better someone else does it.

From my own flawed view, reminding the person they are allowed to be human and that you are there to help ane make sure they are, at least in the areas you are involved in, treated with respect as a human being is about all the emotional assurance I would give. A strong supportive stance, but not a shoulder to cry on. To? Yes. On? No.

Beyond that, simply being very transparent in what the process with me will look like. What my goals will be, what to expect. Your professionalism is also a source of comfort. Knowing they are in good hands that care about their outcome, is going to be enough for most.

Beyond that I'd suggest copying down some of the more important help-numbers. Local clinics for mental health, who to contact for next steps with money, physical rehab, so on. I don't know your job but even if its not part of it, a simple number to call if it feels hopeless might save someone's life. You do not need to be the one shouldering it all. Just calmly shoulder your part, reassure them of that bit, and for bonus points as a decent human being, carry some numbers to unaliving-hotlines etc if someone needs it.

[glennos89]

Just let him tell his story and let him cry without making fun off him. You never want to tell him that he should suck it up and be a man about it because that's making things worse. For the rest your doing fine. You can't take away their pain so you just give him some water and tissues and let him cry untill he is done crying. His emotions need to come out and crying is better then him getting crazy mad because he was holding back his tears. Being sad and being angry are connected to eachother, at least within men I'm not sure about woman

[TheSmellOfVictoria]

It's nice that you're empathetic to their pain and help them. I knew a woman that was an H. R manager and would actually brag about making grown men cry when having disciplinary meetings with them. I think it was some type of sick fetish she had tbh. Unfortunately, she pushed one guy to far and he attacked her, in her office, and put her in the hospital for four days. That was the last day she worked any job. You're doing good at being understanding.

[chocolatetwopointo]

let them deal with it