#1 Are you good at comforting crying people? #2 How do I escape this coworker situation?

Question

Man I am not good at comforting crying people. It irks me. I am sensitive and will shed a tear at most but when it comes to full on crying, I rather do that in private. I guess I get it from my grandpa. Only on occasion does we let ourselves slip in front of someone, and thats because we know it’ll be used against us later. My mom for sure loves to say taunting with the “ohhh let me guess, you’re gonna cry.” My mom, grandma and sis are complete opposite and cry a lot and always seek comfort. All i know to say to them is “it’ll be okay.” Then they scream that I’m not there for them bt I don't know what more folks want me to do. Im not a hugger. If I hug you, you better but cherish that moment cause it’ll only happen a few times a year. Anyways, this old male coworker has been crying to me for weeks about his wife wanting to leave him and its driving me nuts. I hate he even has my number. At this rate, he’s texting himself because I dont even want to reply anymore. I just want to talk about work and our clientele/statistics but he keeps crying and now he’s talking suicidal. Almost every crying person I meet talks suicidal and it just pisses me off. The first 2 times I am comforting and encouraging them to keep on living but after that I have to walk away because I really want to say just die already and I feel awful. I’m very robotic. I still want to be a mom but I realize lately that crying babies bother me and I think thats why if i ever adopt, it’ll be a kid that cries a bit less like a 3+ year old. I absolutely know I’m not a danger to anyone so I know I wouldn’t hurt a kid but i do hate that I can’t emotionally relate. When i say I like an emotional connection, maybe I mean mental connection because the emotions are just hardly there for me. I am loving and caring but to an extent I guess. I don’t love anyone unconditionally and don’t intend to until I have kids. #LetMeVent #LetMeRant #FeelFreeToList

RosieMelts · Accepted Answer

You haven’t been able to express it as yourself. ‘Crying you,’ ‘laughing you’ is the same. Love her both. I used to do the same as a kid and now I cry silently without scrunching my face 🤣

Lol my bro told me one time “you can tell me anything just to talk, or if you need someone.” And I responded with “there’s no point in telling you, complaining, or making a throne for these emotions.(letting them live rent free in my mind). It’s my problem and I’m either gonna solve it or not.”

Crying can be understanding and recognizing something is hard, but it can also feel like we are giving up and as if it’s impossible.

You and I probably never want to feel that way, so why cry?

I’d recommend at times where it’s just stressful and you need to sleep off some stress, and then work at solving the problem- “the before moment of resting,” just cry if you can’t help it because sometimes it can actually be therapeutic. After you’ve cried go on about your way in solving it, believing with every ounce of yourself that you can.✨

When it comes to others crying just be honest a bit. Try saying something like “hey I get your sad, but you can get through it and solve it, don’t waste your time crying and live your life because it’s short- the time we have here, and I don't know about you, but I’d want to spend my time being happy than sad and confused on what to do.”

Love yourself and learn too, as life carries you along because I’m doing the same thing and that’s the assignment of every human on this planet.

Communicate to those people who cry to you, that you don’t want to spend time in ‘pity’ or ‘gloom,’ but rather be doing things to live better, and state how you’d offer anything you can if they needed it. You don’t have to actually stay sitting there listening to them cry, and you don’t have to feel bad if you do happen to cry,

and you can certainly keep looking for solutions and living your best life.

You’re not weird. You’re human.

and I know for a fact this question and some of the helpful comments will help others who can DEFINITELY relate.

Do what you have to Sis. I believe in you 🤟✨

ZenJen444 · Accepted Answer

I'd personally mind my business especially when it comes to men and their failing relationships. I would not trust him and steer clear. He's crying sure but men often play victim when in reality they are thr cause of the broken relationship. If anything he sounds guilty. He is also using you as no offense but as his punching bag , his therapist, his void filler, a time occupier to lay all his burdens on. Don't let him use you steer clear. Now if it were a dead family member I'd send condolences abd flowers and that's it. He's just a coworker.

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say it is something to be ashamed about or be discouraged over. There are a lot of people who struggle with handling someone who is crying or down in the dumps because it requires to be sympathetic, empathy and the ability to listen and accepting of one's vulnerability. A lot of people don't want that responsibility or know how to respond and that factor can be for many reasons. Some may not see issues one goes through as a problem because they don't see it as such or can relate and help shed light on the issue.

There is also the belief of how one was raised. Sometimes people who struggle were raised in an environment that promoted the idea that being sad and crying doesn't solve the problem. Which honestly sounds as though that was the environment you grew up in. Your feelings weren't acknowledged or were dismissed which taught possibly made you uncomfortable and intolerant of it. It takes a level of vulnerability and emotional intelligence to deal with that and it can be draining.

How it makes you feel is not wrong, but it definitely can be an issue when it comes to a relationship or having a kid, because now you are potentially about to turn the other people away or make them similar because you display a behavior that shows no tolerance or wish to really understand the other person.

We can look at this as an example of why men don't like talking about their feelings, especially to the women in their lives because when they do exactly as they ask it is a turn off and they get feel turned away for doing as asked. Why bother if you know what the hell is going to happen?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Yes and no first of all Somebody's Crying during some sort of pain and I will feel that pain with them as they speak to me and I might get my eyes watery I might even have a chair fall down my face that is the yes part the no part is when somebody starts out that way and then I see the fakeness I feel the fakeness and it pisses me off it makes me angry is somebody would even go there and I will just turn around and walk away that's all there is to it it sounds cold but that's just the way it has to be

Blueeyes81 · Answer

#1 No. I get incredibly uncomfortable and want to escape as quickly as possible. The only time I'm good at comforting a crying person is if I love them. Then all I do is just hold them. But everyone else I just pass it onto to someone else.

#2 I had this happen. I had to change numbers because it became clear he just wanted to mope and do nothing about it. He then stole my phone while we were at work to get my new number and proceeded to blow my phone up once again. I just ignored the hundreds of calls and texts I'd receive every week. Finally he went to a therapist and I never heard from him again. I would suggest just ignoring his calls and texts or to change your number.

I'm a very distant person and only allow a very select few to get close. Those are the only ones I care about.

420Rachel · Answer

Nope. I feel like I'm terrible at comforting and giving advice. 😭 I do my best to try though. I'm very empathetic and I try to relate to people's problems as much as I can. I'm ADD though so it's hard for me to follow along and come up with the best advice for a person. I do try though, I absolutely hate seeing people upset and sad. If I do see someone crying or upset I will ask them if they're okay and then if they want to volunteer that information I'll do my best to listen and comfort.

As far as your coworker goes, is he only relying on you for comfort? Does he not have other friends or family that could better understand and maybe help his situation? It sounds like he's in a lot of distress but he shouldn't rely on only you to help out with his problems. I feel like that's a lot to ask of a person.

Koalamate · Answer

I feel like I'm horrible at it but I guess it depends.

I had a grown woman cry in my arms a few times I just hug her and listen that's about it.

I had a friend in high school who told me she had been in the bathroom crying for hours and she was crying next to me talking about her problems I don't know what to do.

She was threatening to cut herself and started cutting her legs with scissors clearly just a cry for help. I was trying to get her to stop and cheer her up.

I said something bold. I jokingly said if your going to cut yourself at least cut some patterns. She lost it was shocked ratted me out but you know what it stopped her crying and cutting herself. Everyone just looked at me in disbelief.

They were both very open to talk about it woth me I guess because I'm quiet.

Th3ft · Answer

Oh sweet desi! You do have a pickle. Lol! I would say first off that I’m terrible about comforting people but for some reason people do often feel comforted after I talk to them. I don t know. It is an awkward situation anytime anyone wants to go off the handle about some subject. I have just found that listening is often the only thing I need to do. People just want to be heard. Though they do not want to die a lot will contemplate suicide just on account t that they are depressed and no one will listen to them. I can’t say what might help your co-worker but listening and then still demanding that barior will help!

Phoenix98 · Answer

I don't know what people see in me but there have been several instances where I've been at the store or out driving and someone asks for ride and just end up telling me their whole life story and I'll just sit there and talk to em for like 30 minutes to hours.

Happens every time and yes I'm very good at comforting people I don't even really say much I just listen. And try to give them the most practical advice I can.

I guess I just have a comforting presence since I'm really down to earth and relaxed all the time. You don't even know how many times I get people telling me how much of a chill and laid back vibe I give off.

hIopinionated_ · Answer

I am too socially awkward for that, I won’t even attempt to comfort anyone let alone crying people.

I am just not good with expressing myself

This is all interesting because in my head, there could be a million things I’ll like to say and do to express myself but instead I’ll appear nonchalant and or cold. And even more interesting, after the whole instance I’ll go over in my head over and over again what I could have done better

That’s me. . awkward person

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

That's a lot for your coworker to throw at you. It's understandable why you're feeling the way you are.

For me, it depends on the person and how well I know them. Some people need a hug, some want you to offer advice, and some just want someone to listen to them. If it's someone who I don't know that well, I'll get uncomfortable because I'm unsure about how I should react.

I know if I am upset about something and am just trying to make it through the day, I just want to be left alone. I just assume that's how everyone is until I get to know them better.

Anonymous · Answer

1. I'm very emotionally unavailable sometimes, so when people start crying or ranting I try to listen, but I get really uncomfortable.

2. Be honest with this guy YOU ARE NOT HIS KEEPER you try your best to be nice, but you're not responsible for him. You don't owe him anything tell him his emotional outbursts are making you uncomfortable and annoyed. Also, that he shouldn't have your number for things like that.

melanieeeB · Answer

1. Hell no, I'm so bad at it that one really close friend always says that I'm acting really cringe if that happens and always when someone starts crying, she immediately looks at me and just says "no, shut up" ... so yeah no. I'm not that empathic enough

2. I would tell him to seek help from someone else, maybe a professional and that you're sorry.

ce-rose · Answer

1. i consider it one of my best qualities actually

2. i would consider trying smth like telling him that you don't feel comfortable talking about such heavy topics because it affects your own mentality negatively, or that you don't feel comfortable being the one on the receiving end, giving him advice and comfort on such serious topic such as suicidal feelings and recommending him to talk to a professional mental health specialist

Moose304 · Answer

My words are going to sound harsh I know. As long as the cryer be they male or female is not in my lane I will mind my own business. If however, they are in my lane I will attempt to help. If they refuse my help one of us is leaving. While I do have a broad shoulder to cry on, I mean that figuratively only. Am I a bastard? Yes, I am!

mstbooblover · Answer

Watching someone crying is very distressing. I don't know how to confort them, but for sure, in many cases, mustering the courage to just listen to what lays on their heart may help. The situation may also depend on who is crying: a child, girl, boy, grown up man or woman, an old person. Keep in mind that a feeling is always genuine. Meaning, whatever caused the distress, whether silly or serious, the pain is real. Of course I'm not talking about people faking distress.

BlueScorpio · Answer

If someone I know, I will comfort. With strangers it's a little awkward and I'm not sure what to say. Kinda spikes my anxiety a little but I do want them to feel better in the end though.

Titanic1912 · Answer

It depends on who it is. If it’s one of my family members, I do my best to comfort them, especially my mother because she’s a very emotional person. If it’s one of my lady friends, I do my very best to comfort them. If it’s one of my guy friends, it depends on the situation.

It sounds like your coworker is a big crybaby.

MysticDevice · Answer

#1: I can sorta comfort one person. Thats literally it. I am not a comforting person. I simply don't know how to do it.

#2: That literally sounds like a worst case scenario there. I'd probably just be like "I dont know what to tell you bud, shit happens."

Mangospacho · Answer

I’m very good at comforting crying people. I just tell them how great they are and how much we all appreciate them even though they are crying and dragging down the overall mood and we don’t really need crying people but it usually works. Basically just tell them what they want to hear and it works like a charm.

TrillXHippy · Answer

If kids aren’t crying because they get hurt then I don’t care but of course I can’t have that mindset at work. After the arts and crafts a kid was crying nonstop because another kid had took his mini ass plastic cup and put his name on it like it was his. Honestly I just didn’t care. He seriously was not going to stop crying about it. I finally got some tape and covered it. Wrote his name on it.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

I'd say. But i've gotta admit comforting a guy and comforting a girl or a kid just don't feel thesame. I just get more of that feeling of wanting the satisfaction of helping someone when it comes to a girl/kid crying but I try not to show it. It just always seem like girls appreciates comforts more while guys would just feel more awkward and of course I have to understand that. I give both solutions but I'm more likely to comfort kids and women while giving them some advice.

DancingQueen16 · Answer

I think I'm good at comforting people because if someone I know is sad I always try to make them feel better

Anonymous · Answer

I Think I did the exact same thing when I was like 5. I used to cry when I didn’t get what I want. Then all the sudden, my family ignored me when I tried crying. I sat there crying and it wasn’t working. I basically stopped crying after that. The internal reflection is a good thing.

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