Went on a few dates felt but think she got tired of waiting for me to make a move. Message is below. She still wants to hang out is the door closed?

[Anonymous]

Her: so I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you, but I’ve realized I see us more as friends than anything else. I think you’re a great person, and I wanted to be honest about how I’m feeling. I hope you can understand.

Me: I respect how you’re feeling, thank you for being honest with me. Not going to sit here & act like I had no interest in you early on. Definitely should have been more straightforward with you earlier on. Just want to tell you that you’re an amazing person, don’t ever change who you are. Wish you nothing but the best

Me: Hey, I just wanted to make sure there was no confusion in what I wrote. If the feeling is mutual I am open to a friendship as well Her:

Yes I'm opened to it, I just wouldn't be able to hangout til the new year She is traveling for the holidays.

[SueShe]

It is pretty obvious where she is standing and how she perceives you when she states "... I see us more as friends than anything else...".

Platonic friendship is all she was seeking but I presume that you wanted more than just that and were not satisfied with being platonic and you let her know in your rather direct sentence "... not going to sit here & act like I had no interest in you early on...".

You made it pretty clear to her that you wanted more. You are willing to "downgrade" your desires to friendship with the secret hope that there will be more eventually.

The door to friendship is still ajar but not for more. Don't attempt to get further than just friendship if you don't want to have that door closed and locked for good.

[randomny4]

Yeah you’re right im between just never reaching out again and moving on. Or seeing her one last time since she told me that we can hangout when she gets back to the city right after I told her how I felt, which confuses me. If I were to see here again it would be just for me to tell her to her face that I thought we could be friends but its not something I can do and won’t pretend to do.

[Abbycado]

Make what move? You already went on dates.

[Asker]

Where do you think I went wrong?

[Abbycado]

“but I’ve realized I see us more as friends than anything else”

Right there.

[Asker]

thats exact part I am trying to understand lol

[Abbycado]

Without more context about dates, not sure. It is obvious she just wants to be friends.

Think back through the dates and see if you can pick up on a moment that might explain it.

[Anonymous]

Don't waste time. You'll only get out of the friendzone after a ton of humiliation and watching her bang other dudes. And maybe giving you a chance if she runs out of options and has to feel like she's settling for you because she couldn't do better. That's no way to have a relationship.

Erase her contact info and move on with life. Go date other girls and put zero effort into any friendship with this one.

[randomny4]

facts

[RingOfFire]

Well clearly the door isn't closed to friendship. Whether or not it's closed to anything else only time will tell.

If you ask to see her again it's as a friend and you will have to plan things accordingly and realize that it may never be anything else.

[randomny4]

very true. only part that confuses me is that she brought up hanging out after i told her how i felt. what do you think of that?

[RingOfFire]

I think you have to treat it as a friendship out of respect for what she said and assume that it's nothing else. If you're not interested in that I don't think you should pursue it. If you do, you have to be willing to take the risk that she won't be interested in anything else. If it turns out that she is interested in more, and that's what you want too, you can take it from there.

But I wouldn't go into it with an assumption that it's anything else but a friendship.

[randomny4]

Thank you & I definitely agree. Trying to see if I could get there if not I will walk away. If I can’t see her as just a friend then its not fair to me or her for us to still be in each other lives. But we did build a genuine connection that I did enjoy. I know that I had chance to be take things further it just took me too long to get there.

[RingOfFire]

I wish you well. Take it slow because you don't want to scare her away.

[randomny4]

appreciate you 🙏🏻

[AviatorTom]

It never hurts to let her know, in a physical way, that you would like more than friendship. She may say No, and then you will know for sure where you stand with her.

[Anonymous]

Door is firmly shut. It will NOT open again.

Learn from this. Make your move sooner with the next one.

[randomny4]

true, I was stuck in my head because I got ended a 4 year relationship to start the year and was hesitant to get into something new this soon

[Anonymous]

What kind of a move are you going to make

[randomny4]

not saying im making a move now. im saying she got tired of waiting for me to complement her looks and give her physical touch. we met on a dating app and got to know each other slowly in the last 4 months

[randomny4]

do you think there’s a chance i can work past this? or just go with my natural instinct to move on?

[Opinion Owner]

@randomny4 yes kiss her next time and hold her but that’s enough