My dad no longer stays with us. Again this Christmas. Should I be annoyed?

[Anonymous]

We have a small house in the city. My siblings live further out and slightly bigger houses. There is a room we use, my daughter's bedroom for when he stays. The past 18 months he no longer stays with us. He says it's because the room is too small. About 24 months ago my wife and I had difficulties in our marriage.

My Dad is 88 and health is not perfect

Should I be annoyed and question him on staying with us.. eg what can we do to make it possible for him to stay? Or just let it go and never really know the why's?

For Christmas he'll stay two/three nights in my sisters.
Two /three nights with my brother and he says, will he call to see us on his way. I said yes. Then I started to argue with him about why he won't stay with us.

[Anonymous]

You are best to say nothing. he's 88 and comfort is a nesscessity to him

[Asker]

I said nothing for 18 months

Then today he said he'd stay with my siblings again this Christmas
And asked would he call to my house?

I just started printing what the issue was. He said it was mostly that the room was too cramped.

I pushed back slightly saying instead of ruling out staying with us he should have discussed options.

It's totally fraught. He likes things a certain way. He drives everywhere himself. My siblings are definitely closer to him than I am. I can't be sure what his reasoning is for not staying with us.

Both daughters have double beds and older girl has boyfriend stay over regularly.

I'm debating switching the other girls bed to single bed to allow my Dad to stay but maybe it's all a waste of time because he may not want to stay here in any circumstance.

[Opinion Owner]

But you are arguing with an 88 year old man. Also you are trying to shoe horn him into a cramped home for your own pride.

[Asker]

Well it's more subtle than that

If that's the reason we can fix it

If there's another reason we can talk about that too

But the house can't be dismissed as meeting too small for an 88 year old man... He's small man too
It's ridiculous to suggest he can't stay in our house because it's too small. Or the room's too small.

I did try taking to my two sisters about it and they are.. oh yes room too small. Leave him alone.
I don't get it

[Asker]

It's my family bring blanked by him

You can call it pride

It's hurtful

Thing is my wife and children don't care

And I'm not even that pushed

It's just the fakenes of saying I've a small house. I could have traded up if I wanted

Ironically after I get my inheritance I might be able to afford a bigger house

[Asker]

How about I stop visiting him?

Maybe that's the way to go

[Asker]

I don't mean to go on and on
But right now I'm unhappy return my wife/marriage
My job
And now my old Dad
Everything

[jahaims]

He isn't comfortable at your house. It's weird to force somebody

[Asker]

I'm definitely not forcing him

I never said that

He's 88 so I'm aware not to fuss him in any way

Before now I said nothing

Today I did push back

Because I don't believe it's the house. Therefore it's a personality thing. I didn't get it out of him.
It's either me, or my wife. I visit him regularly so probably not me.

[Asker]

Only other possibility
When he used to stay with us, we had a single bed in that room. Then we replaced it with small double bed. So there is less space in that room.

What we could do is put him in the larger room. And put the two girls in the small room in the double bed.

[Staximus]

Maybe he doesn't like your wife

[Asker]

Well yes. Especially after what happened almost 3 years ago now. Plus she tends to be over familiar which wouldn't suit him. I mean she tries to get information out of him that's inappropriate to ask about.
Of course he wouldn't say that
In fact he says earlier today, it's nothing to do with either me or my wife. I said if it was he wouldn't admit it. So we'll never know.

[In_Trance]

How about your age?

[Asker]

What about my age?