Why would he do this to me?

Question

I really need opinions/support about this. So I went on a hinge date last week and it ended up being the best date of my entire life. Before the date, he was really intense over text saying: "you're probably the one" & "I have this feeling about you specifically" (which may have been a red flag as we'd barely even spoken). On the date he was SO fun and seemed really into me. He said stuff like "next time we should do this", "I can teach you this". I left the date feeling so happy and excited. We exchanged a couple texts after to say we got home safe but then for 4 entire days afterwards I didn't hear from him at all. This was so hurtful & confusing, so yesterday I decided to message him "Merry Christmas!" and his reply was so dry: "Merry Christmas I hope Santa was generous x". He didn't ask me anything, or open up a convo/plan to meet me again which feels UNBELIEVABLE after the things he'd said on hinge and the amazing time we had. I just reacted to his text with a heart because it's clear he has no interest anymore. But I don’t get how someone can spend 5 hours with me, flirt like crazy, and make it feel so perfect, then just discard me after. Looking back, he kept suggesting more and more drinks 🍸 and got pretty touchy-feely toward the end, trying to kiss me a lot. I held my boundary and subtly pulled away bc it felt too soon. So now I’m wondering if he was just after one thing and said all the love-bombing stuff to draw me in, and when it didn’t work, he was done... I'm so confused & the mixed messages make me feel like I got tricked & my heart actually hurts :( cause I really liked him. Is this kind of behaviour from men common? And if a guy goes into a date just wanting something casual can he really not even begin to see the girl as relationship potential? I feel like we got along so well and had chemistry and him disappearing doesn't match the experience we had together.

Guanfei · Accepted Answer

I don't know which question I should answer since it's the same, so I'll just answer here.

It could be several things.

Could be that he thought that, since there was no kiss at the end of the date, he might think you were not ready or interested, and gave up. Which might be an insecurity issue, he might think he wasn't good enough. Or he just wanted to score and since it didn't work, he moved on.

Could also be that you were one option among others, and it went better for him with another girl, so he went for the better result.

But I guess, from what you say... He was not aiming at your lips, but much lower, and he didn't get what he wanted. You can discuss it with him but that's what it seems.

Sadly, beautiful as you are, you're a very tempting prey for guys like that. He didn't think you would be smart enough to not give yourself on the first date.

I know it makes you sad, but know you've avoided a lot of problems. Never give yourself before the relationship is advanced enough.

Actually it's not common at all from men, because the average guy couldn't do that even if he wanted, you need to be way above average as a man to do that. Also you wouldn't believe how many men actually want a real relationship. I've talked about it with so many guys.

In the end, you should just move on. If he wants to come back to you, he will. Just be careful and don't give yourself to him too fast. If that's what he wants, he'll leave. If he wants something serious, he'll wait.

Or you could just try with someone else. Sorry for the wall of text.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

sounds like he just wanted to take you downtown to poundtown, and thought overwhelming your emotions would be the gateway to getting in your pants. Sounds like it almost worked, considering how strongly you felt after his attempt. I suggest being more careful about letting yourself get so into a guy after such a short amount of time, seeing as you keep falling for their brief manipulation tactics.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He just wanted one thing. And sadly that is common.

AviatorTom · Answer

You had a great date. If you want another one, ask him out. But don't be surprised if he declines. Hinge is a hookup site, not a dating site... You should know that

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Tbh it sounds like he lovebombed you. You said he was way into you even before meeting. And then he disappeared after. How many drinks did he convince you to drink and how touchy did he get?

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Tbh it sounds like he lovebombed you. You said he was way into you even before meeting. And then he disappeared after. How many drinks did he convince you to drink and how touchy did he get?