Should I marry my rapist? (Christians)

[Anonymous]

The bible says you must. I'm in a relationship and I'm happy with the guy that I'm with now. What do I do? Listen I my heart or the bible?

Updates

+1 y

(MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND IS NOT MY RAPIST) I was raped at 15. I'm now 16 and I have a boyfriend that actually treats me right. One day I looked through the bible and it said I must marry my rapist and never divorce him.

Updates

+1 y

PLEASE STOP COMMENTING. IM DONE WITH YHIS CONVERSATION.

[Pénée]

This is exactly why atheism is far superior :) Always listen to your heart and to logic. You should not force yourself into doing something you feel bad about; what you feel is how you're supposed to feel. Also, never surrender to ignorance; anything as bogus as religions which contradict commonsense ( or rather make their followers believe that they're using their brains when they are not ) should be avoided at all cost. In this case, why would you reward someone who raped you by marrying him? Just because some old fairy tale said so?

[Yogue7]

It says he is to pay 50 silver and never divorce you. The new testament changes many of the laws. Either way you have no requirement to marry your rapist. Also you have 5 years I believe to press charges if you haven't already.

[Asker]

I want to but reading all these cruel comments make me just want to keep my mouth shut for even longer. I'm not seeking attention I just needed answers. Thanks for your feedback.

[Yogue7]

You don't punish bad people for attention; you do it to keep them from hurting anyone else.

[Yogue7]

You're welcome and thanks for mh. Hope you talk to your family about this and consider going to the police. At least talk to a lawyer.

[ledfoot64]

some states it's 20 years for police to file rape charges against someone

[Anonymous]

Actually Deuteronomy 22:25-29 says:
If a man rapes a woman, then he deserves the death penalty and she is innocent to continue with her life.
If an unmarried man has sex with an unmarked woman who agreed to have sex with him, then they should get married.

That's the Old Testament. In the New Testament the death penalty is no longer used. But the message is clear: the rapist should be punished and the unconsenting victim is innocent.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean "unmarried/single woman" not "unmarked woman".

You know, God loves you and wants the best for you. The best does not include living with your rapist, let alone being married to him!

[cipher42]

Deuteronomy 22: "28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."

"Lay hold on her". That doesn't sound like she agreed, that sounds like rape.

[Opinion Owner]

Did you not read the few verses that come just before that part?

"But if in the open country a man meets a young woman who is betrothed, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. But you shall do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no offense punishable by death. For this case is like that of a man attacking and murdering his neighbor, because he met her in the open country, and though the betrothed young woman cried for help there was no one to rescue her."

[Opinion Owner]

It's obvious to me that the first part is talking about rape, so obviously the second part which addresses the situation differently cannot also be talking about rape. Otherwise it is inconsistent.

[cipher42]

No. The difference is whether or not she is betrothed. It uses the same language, and includes no reference to exceptions, so they must both be talking about rape.

[Opinion Owner]

She was unbetrothed in both scenarios. The difference was whether or not she cried for help.

[cipher42]

"But if in the open country a man meets a young woman who is betrothed..."

Did you not read your own quote?

[Katy16]

Hmm I've never heard that and I've gone to church all my life... I think they used to make the women do that back then, cause of like the laws and stuff (so in that sense I know that's in the Bible) , but I don't think that means you have to. So no I don't think you should, I think you should marry the man you actually love :)

[cipher42]

It's from Deuteronomy 22. "28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."

And of course you wouldn't have heard it on church. The churches only teach the nice sounding bits of the bible. Some have even admitted to manipulating it like that.

[Katy16]

No I have heard that, I meant I hadn't heard it taught that that would be required nowadays so she shouldn't do that. And my preacher is actually one of the old fashioned ones that teach the bad stuff so I've heard a lot of it actually.

[Zendrya]

Old testament girl. Don't marry your rapist. Think very hard about this. Do you honestly think God would want that for you? He loves you. You are his child and he wants to protect you. Stay with your boyfriend that you are happy with. God will be so much happier if you love the man you are with.

[DreamHope]

Even the Old Testament doesn't say that! She read her bible wrong.

But I agree with everything else you said :)

[cipher42]

@Dreamhope- yes it does. Deuteronomy 22. "28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."

[Anonymous]

I can't know if this is a serious question. But I prefer to risk being fooled by a troll rather than risking being mean to a real victim. So I take what you say seriously, my reply to you:
I am not sure where you live. But if you are seriously considering something like this, you should seek professional help as soon as possible. There are help lines and places to go for rape victims that will help you deal with it, just use internet search for your country. And if you know who it is (since you ask if you should marry the person I suspect you do) he must be punished by existing law for what he did.
Rape is wrong and horrible and there is FOR SURE no holy book or law which says it is right and you must marry and stay with your rapist. You either misunderstood or somebody is brainwashing you.

[cipher42]

It's probably just her taking a jab at Christians. Because the Old Testament does say that if an unbetrothed woman is raped, her rapist must pay her father 50 shekels of silver and marry her.

[Opinion Owner]

Well my point is, if there is even a slight chance that it is true I prefer not to throw stones.
From what I know, the bible talks differently about the same things depending on where and when it is written. But it doesn't really matter, somebody who wonders about something like this is in urgent need of help on several levels. And I can imagine that somebody can be blamed and brainwashed into something like this, I know of some real examples where people were manipuated to shocking levels.
So again, if I was trolled, I don't mind, I can take it. Better than the other possibility.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, regardless of your belief, the bible is basically a set of rules for people to follow, the oldest law book if you will. I can imagine that at the time this rule was written, it was necessary for women to be married to survive, so that a man can provide for them. Since nobody wanted to marry raped women I can imagine her rapist had to be forced to be responsible and provide for her. It was not exactly the time when wishes of women were taken into consideration.
So things that are ridiculous for our time made perfect sense back then...

[cipher42]

Yeah, I'm not saying I support her criticism of Christians. It is a bit crude and aggressive. However, it is a valid argument against those Christians who claim they follow the whole bible and take it all literally.

[cipher42]

Although, if the bible is god's word, and god is omniscient, he should have foreseen the change in society in the future and included provisions for the future in the bible.

[Opinion Owner]

I was not defending the bible, neither did I plan to start a religious discussion here. I am a realist. I was just explaining my understanding of why some old parts of the bible make so little sense to us or even appear shocking and repelling. The rules of different periods were meant for those periods and then they did make sense or were necessary. People need rules to avoid chaos and as holy words the rules are more likely to be followed.
Anyway, as I said, I am not going into further religious discussions here.

[Jordahn]

If you absolutely must take the Bible literally, it also says the father can refuse marriage even after a guy slept with his daughter.

So if you told your father what happened, do you think he'd say "he raped you, so you have to marry him"? Of course he wouldn't. Most fathers would wait at the guy's front porch with a baseball bat, or at least take him to court.

[LAD323]

This is so fucked up on so many levels. Think outside the bible. Rape is wrong. Only a twisted motherfucker would EVER rape a girl. Do you think you want to be with a man like that?

[englishwineguy]

definitely and when they are not looking rape them back... do not base your decisions on 2000year old texts in the same way you wouldn't accept medical care from a shamen

[RBT-RS]

Your heart. I don't think the bible condones rape, although I can't be cited for that being an Atheist myself.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yes it's up to you the Bible does say to forget and forgive
i don't know about a rapist that is kind of hard swallow

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

You realize this is a touchy question *Sad*

[lordAlex818]

Is this a serious question, or are you just trolling? I think you should bring this up with your parents and the police. Why the fuck would you want to marry someone who raped you?

[Calamité]

Uhm... you dont have to marry a person that has raped you...

[archides]

You do not have to marry your rapist. This is not the Old Testament.

[Anonymous]

Why would you believe what the bible says about this? This is just a good example of the dangers of faith.

[genericname85]

what is this question? you are with a guy, you like him and consider to marry him but he´s a rapist?

[RBT-RS]

I had assumed that she was thinking that she may have been raped in the past, and the bible for whichever reason must have hinted towards chastity, sex after marriage etc. and therefore couldn't marry her boyfriend. Although she is under 18, so that shouldn't really be a concern.

[genericname85]

well read the update. i don´t know in what context it says that in the bible but if the bible really says that as general advice it´s time to abendon that crappy book ! xD

[DreamHope]

The Bible does not say that anywhere! I think she misunderstand Deuteronomy 22:25-29

[genericname85]

sorry i don´t want to read that :) you don´t marry your rapist, that´s common sense. if the bible says otherwise, you should not listen to the bible.

[cipher42]

@Dreamhope- it's Deuteronomy 22:28-29. "28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."

What else is that supposed to mean?

[genericname85]

so were exactly does it say "rape" in this part?

[cipher42]

"Lay hold on" that sounds pretty violent on the part of the man. Also, from the context of how the phrase is used in other parts of the bible it is very likely that it refers to rape. And even if it isn't specifically rape, rape would still be included in this rule.

[DreamHope]

"But if in the open country a man meets a young woman who is betrothed, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. But you shall do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no offense punishable by death. For this case is like that of a man attacking and murdering his neighbor, because he met her in the open country, and though the betrothed young woman cried for help there was no one to rescue her."

Deuteronomy 22:25-27

[cipher42]

But the woman asking the question is unbetrothed. So it's 28-29 that applies to her, and it does say that her rapist should marry her.

[genericname85]

everybody who knows English lessons knows, that people tend to interpret a lot of odd stuff in texts, that wasn´t ever meant by the author. the bible was written in a time where it was not usual to assume that women would want sex so of course you assume it was rape. it wasn´t rape to me it was just sex without marriage. the moral is, that you should marry the woman, you wanted to have sex with, not that you should marry the guy, who raped you. if you believe you should marry your rapist based on this text (or any text whatsoever), you are a moron and should reconsider that decision !

[cipher42]

But by that logic we can't know for sure what any of the laws in the bible really mean.

[DreamHope]

Look, all I know is she doesn't have to marry her rapist.

[cipher42]

So you're fine with interpreting any of the laws in the bible however you please?

[genericname85]

man sorry i will not follow this discussion any longer. if you are a christian or what ever else, dont marry your freaking rapist ! you can´t possibly be that stupid ! you´ll figure out, that your religion either says the same or is a damn bad religion... either way, i wish you well and i hope you don´t decide to do it...

[Anonymous]

That is not the will of god! it's not love so it's wrong to marry your rapist

[pooper89]

They see me trollin...

[Anonymous]

That was the old testament...

[tiredofwaiting]

Quit trolling.