Zero physical or sexual attraction to my husband. Where to go now?

[Anonymous]

I was never physically attracted to him from the beginning. I liked him for his personality. I have no idea how we ended up getting married. I just fooled myself into thinking that looks didn't matter, and I told myself that I was being shallow to think that they did. I get jealous and saddened when I see girls with handsome boyfriends or husbands.. I'm more attractive than than most women my age. I feel like I "deserve" a good looking man. Kind of feel resentful towards my husband. I know he has no control over the way he looks, but I don't feel any physical attraction towards him. It's only now that I realize just how important physical and sexual attraction is - it's literally the glue that holds a relationship together.. I mean, if I'm not sexually attracted to him , if he doesn't make my heart beat faster or give me butterflies, what's the point of putting up with the little day-to-day annoyances?

Is divorce the only answer? Having said this.. He is a great guy of amazing character - truly reliable, honest, hard-working, ambitious, driven, successful, loving, caring, selfless even. He puts me above all else. Don't think I'll be able to find another man with the same qualities

[UnknownXYZ]

First of all, I noticed you never said the word 'love' anywhere. I don't know what that means, I just noticed this. "It's only now that I realize just how important physical and sexual attraction is - it's literally the glue that holds a relationship together," if I accepted what you said, which I don't, I don't think I would ever want to be in a relationship if it just boils down to that.

But here's the thing, I think your jealousy and you thinking of what others have and you don't has directed you into thinking that your marriage has no substance and little meaning. Indirectly and ultimately, you're saying you husband isn't good enough for you and you feel you deserving a 'good-looking' man is more valuable that what he has already given to you. What further proves this is that you even pointed out the question of "if I'm not sexually attracted to him , if he doesn't make my heart beat faster or give me butterflies, what's the point of putting up with the little day-to-day annoyances?" not even considering the fact of what you husband offers already should be reason enough to put up with the 'little day-to-day annoyances'. I am not judging you by the way, I am just inferring.

To actually help you, you can try a few things: Divorce and look for someone you 'deserve', stay in a marriage you don't deem good-enough for you, seeking marriage counseling (this website doesn't cut it... -_-) or try to make your husband appear more attractive to you (if you can successfully do that). I really hope this helps and I hope you do not resort to cheating behind his back. You will destroy him if you do that and he finds out. Probably, the thought of hurting him anyway should be reason enough to not cheat on him.

[Tractorbeam]

The chances are that you won't find another man who treats you as well.
Here's my prediction of your future: You'll find another man that you are more physically attracted to, he won't treat you as well, and after 2 or 3 years you won't even find him physically attractive. Even if he did treat you well, you probably won't find him physically attractive within a few years.

I've seen it all before.

[justbanANNAz]

well unfortunately u should have thought this through before u married him.
listen. if u were THAT drawn to his personality to the extent that u married him, doesn't this make him a man worth keeping? where else are u gonna find someone like him? and how long will it take before u find such a man who ticks all ur boxes?

so what if ur not sexually attracted? shouldn't his personality turn u on? and so what if he isn't as handsome? how will all those handsome men end up looking at the age of 75 anyway? will u remain beautiful forever?

divorce shouldn't hav to b the answer. u have to make urself accountable for ur decisions. try to see the good in him rather than focusing on something that u can't change. looks fade, personality stays.

[Anonymous]

Now this will show men how women feel when they get online saying how looks and a hott body on a woman is number 1 because they are sooo visual.. lol.. Usually women don't care as long as the man makes good money and treats them well.

[thtdiablo]

This looks like a completely messed-up idea of what marriage is about... There are no "butterflies" after like 36 months anymore in any relationship. Certain faint memories of it can be brought back, but that's not the point.

Go to a good counselor. There's more amiss than just his looks. You are projecting a bunch of problems onto one of them.

[Sexualchrist]

It will be pretty hard to find another guy like that. You should try and get him to get fit and be better looking.

[rUinSAYAN]

go divorce. what would you not do for having sex with a handsome guy your age, don't care about him he is going to find one that is attracted to his personality

[kheserthorpe]

How many kids?

Is his attractiveness improvable?

[rthomas43]

Can his appearance be improved at all? Working out? Dressing better? Better hair or facial hair?

[Anonymous]

Truth is that everybody gets ugly... even you

[hybridboy]

you must find a partner..