How can I love and respect my husband if I’m not attracted to him anymore?

[Anonymous]

Long story short: he’s a boring man.

My neighbor is 38 and is way better than my husband because he’s a boss, has multiple cars even Mercedes (the cheaper ones but still they’re expensive) he’s a cheater but loves and give everything to his wife.

On the other hand, my husband is a 35 attractive hard working man with a positive attitude but a loser in life. Every time I see him I see a loser and I feel hate for him and even though I compare him and tell him these things he just laughs about it and continues with his life. He has zero ambition. I feel like a total loser next to him because I work hard, I cook, and have more ambition but can’t get a man like my neighbor. He loves me and I don’t. I just can’t believe Im not attracted to him even though he respects me more than I do.

[Finchie40]

Sadly to say but the truth is you are a selfish person , that only thinks about what is best for yourself , By ypu comparing your husband to other men makes you a selfish person , Mainly because you are grasping onto something that you don’t have , instead of appreciating and accepting what you do have right in front of you. Sadly a lot of people have this selfish mindset and then they wonder why their relationships keep failing, You have to remember you are no longer single , You chose your husband the same way he chose you , How would you feel if your husband was comparing you to other girls’ and saying things like she is a better girl then you are because she does this and does that? Even though your husband laughs at your remarks, he os more than likely hurting inside, and sadly younare slowly pushing him away without realizing you are Comparing your partner that you chose to be by your side for the long haul? makes you a selfish person that only thinks about yourself , You will never be happy or content if you choose to have that selfish mindset , Just because you don’t like some of your husband’s traits , doesn’t make him a bad person , understand your husband is accepting your bad traits as well , No one on this planet is perfect , A relationship needs to be a team for it to work , Wear his shoes the same way you expect him to wear yours before making decisions, and you will start to see the man you first fell in love with to begin with , Remember your vows , for better for worse , for richer for poorer to death do us part , You have a choice , you can choose to be selfish or Choose your marriage. It’s up to you. Stop focusing on what you don’t have and start focusing on what you do have right in front of you. Stop comparing and do yourself a favor , stay off of social media , social media was designed as a money making tool to brain wash people to believe in useless shit and to ruin relationships to make money Divorce lawyers love social media for that reason. Money does not bring happiness , only you can bring happiness from within yourself. That neighbor might be rich but he is a selfish person as well by cheating on his wife , He is a winner let me tell you. That’s someone I would so throw my relationship away for so they can go cheat on me. For love to grow between 2 people , both people need to remove selfishness from inside yourselves , or you will continue having failed relationships , mark my word

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, that's a tough situation. It sounds like you and your husband just want different things out of life. But calling him a loser isn't cool and constantly comparing him to your neighbor definitely isn't helping things. At the end of the day, your neighbor's stuff doesn't really matter - what matters is how your husband treats YOU.

It seems like you've lost respect for him because you don't feel like his ambitions match up to yours anymore. But he can't change who he is. Maybe you should talk to him, like for real talk, about how you're feeling and see if you're actually on the same page about the future. Like, does he want the same things long-term that you do? If not, you may have some important decisions to make.

Don't stay in a relationship just because it's comfortable - you both deserve to be with someone you're truly attracted to and inspired by. But also don't be so quick to write him off, you know? Really listen to each other first. Maybe there's still a way to reconnect if you're both willing to understand each other better. I know it's not easy, but communication is key here before you make any big moves. Just my two cents. Good luck figuring it out!

[PrincessAlis]

As you've kinda said, your neighbor is not a good person. He doesn't actually love his wife if he's cheating. I think you should consider why you are actually feeling this way.

Why do you consider him a loser? Just cause he has no ambitions (does he actually?) Is it because he's not living the life YOU want him to live? It makes sense to not want to be with someone who doesn't want to grow as a person but he isn't a loser for not wanting to work in a big boring corporate office, cheat on his wife, and own multiple cars for fun. Just say you'd rather bang the neighbor and go.

Money is not everything. It is better to be comfortable with someone you love than rich with someone you hate.

You should divorce because you don't seem to actually love him nor value him. But talk to him first, in a polite way. I'd say, communication is necessary. Maybe take some time looking at yourself before you go through with it and move on though. Some of this could easily be you projecting about how you feel about yourself.

[Anonymous]

You're asking the wrong question.

You don't love your husband, you don't respect your husband, therefore you are not attracted to him.

You're using him, and you have been since the beginning. Which he has sloughed off as nothing, but he's ignorant and naive, unfortunately for his sake.

You sound like a typical, opportunistic Asian female. They are pragmatic when it comes to relationships. You believe the husband has a role, and he is of service to you. You married a sushi chef, but you want more. He deserves more than you.

You are men's greatest fear.

You should leave your husband, and be honest and upfront about who you are, and what you want. Others deserve that. And who knows, you may find some taker; some men who is fine with that. But most aren't, won't be. They know they are a walking dollar sign to a girl like you.

[aceleon]

are Asian girls like this?
and here i was thinking Asian wives were best since they were supposed to be submissive and motherly.
well i guess as the times changes, so does womans.

[Opinion Owner]

@aceleon Yeah, submissive and motherly is a stereotype but not reality. I know first-hand, they are not that. They're about status, image, and money. The classic indicators of success. And that includes how they view their husbands.

[aceleon]

pathetic, utterly and completely, i feel sad for the poor guys.

[OlderAndWiser]

Who decided that you should marry the "loser" instead of the cheater with a Mercedes?

[Asker]

Me because I was 19 and since he was my first boyfriend I thought I was going to be lonely forever and my mother who wants me to be with him because he’s a good guy

[OlderAndWiser]

Obviously, you weren't ready to get married.

[AviatorTom]

Love and respect (emotions) have nothing to do with attraction (physical).

[TheGuyWhoKnowsStuff]

Clearly, you want to love and respect your husband but you don't. What you want is wealth and the glamour that comes with that. Unfortunately, you don't have what it takes to compete with what is out there. The kind of fantasy guy you're after will use you up and spit you out and you'd be lucky to get a second glance in the first place. That is the reality.

Happiness is wanting what you have but your mindset tell me that you will never be happy. You owe it to your husband to let him go and move and find happiness if you really do care about him. All I am seeing here is that you're giving into your selfish desires and buying into fantasies rather than appreciating and being content with what you have.

You want to know what the wealthy bosses and high executives do? The have a common rule: don't stray beyond the brothel. They go to brothels and sleep with women a million times more attractive than their wives who age and grow ugly in comparison to what they used to be. That is what marrying a man in that position means.

[aceleon]

you are a loser because you think money worths a damn you can't love anyone because you love money above all else and your husband is a blind idiot to not see you as who you are, you are a leech, a parasite and most importantly you are shallow as fuck, i could understand if you were sexually frustrated or your husband was a slob who didn't take care of his appearance or a loser in the sense of personality and not in the sense of wallet.

yes he is a loser, he lost the game of life the day he met you and furthered that lost to marriage.

[Asker]

Why do you think he won’t let me go? When I met him I pushed him to be better. I used to pay the bills in advance for him
And my mother then later received the money from them. I see him struggling when before I was totally fine paying all their bills. He dies deserve a better woman his type not a woman like me who is ambitious. So you are telling me pushing a man to do better is bad? Mmm thanks for the heads up.

[aceleon]

''push'' is not something people likes to get, let me push you for something and let's see if you like it?
also the thing that is bad comparing a person to another like an object let alone your own husband and thinking and publicly saying that he is a loser for completely and absolutly shallow reasons.
also it is not bad, it is worst and it sucks and you know what, so are you.

[MysteriousDarkness]

I read everything you said and you do not come across as a good person. You treat him like crap hoping he will divorce you instead of doing it yourself. You claim there is no way out of your marriage even though you could divorce him but don't because you would feel bad initiating the divorce but obviously don't feel bad treating him like crap. You compare your husband to the neighbor and think the neighbor is better because he is a boss and has a Mercedes even though he cheats on his wife. The reason he cheats is irrelevant because cheating is wrong.

[HawkPerception]

Wow this was a disgusting read. Women like you disgust me and I feel sorry for your soon-to-be ex husband.

[Asker]

I have my own business. I don’t get impress if a guy has money. What I want is them to come on the top with me and not stay down there without ambition.

[HawkPerception]

This is why men hate "independent women"

[Paul09]

Cough cough good digger. What do you bring to the table , but spending other people's money? Do you like being treated like an object too? This is what happens when you believe in religious crap. You want to hurt a good person, to be with a bad person to become a even worse person. Definitely should get a divorce. So your man can find a respectful, loyal woman.

[Asker]

Who’s a gold digger and spending others money? I wonder who’s that girl. My neighbors wife, that’s right. I have years working my a off until now that I’m recovering from an illness. I made a lot of money that I used to pay my mothers and husbands bills (all of them) in advance then later they used to pay me. I understand he is a good person and I don’t deserve someone like him but he won’t let me go that’s why I try treating him bad so he can’t stop loving me. My bad is that I treat him and my m like I want to be treated I can’t stop like queen and king preparing them food so they can go to work without hunger. I act like the man I want that’s the bad. I’m recovering from an illness that’s why now he’s paying the bills and finding out how hard it is when I used to do that on my own then wait for them to pay me back. I pushed h to be a better man when I met him and he did. I want someone like me that obviously it’s hard to find. I don’t want an employee mind I want a boss mind next to me since I’m starting a business soon

[spartan55]

@asker
You are all over the road. You pay the bills in advance then he later paid you? Huh? You treat him like shit trying to get him to leave (or some convuluted shit). Twice you say 'he won't let you go' insinuating he should divorce you. Why can't you divorce hjm? You have some illness, you are starting a business... you sound unstable unhinged.

[Asker]

I told him multiple times to divorce me because he deserves a better woman or someone on his level that will love him like he deserves. I’m not avoiding the fact that I’m not a worth it woman for him. He dies deserve those type of women that are submissive or just feel happy next to a man like him. I’ve being praying to God he finds a good woman. I helped him a lot like he did helped me. A few months ago I was diagnosed with an illness and that’s when he find out how hard life is without me when I worked I never complained I was just satisfied by the fact I payed the bills for both of them but my neighbor kept putting things on my head. He showed me off how good he treats his wife and his wife showed me off how he helped her studied to become a hair stylist without working. So they made me feel I’m worthless for working and getting things on my own. I’m not a bad person and I really want my husband to find a better woman but he’s loyal to me and I feel guilty to leave him because he just works without looking for another woman. Even with my illness I’m trying to study and keep my food business. The only thing I want is someone like me. Unfortunately, long time ago that feeling died for my husband since he was very dry and cold. You will never understand.

[spartan55]

No, I understand. Make no mistake, you are definitely a bad person,

[Paul09]

This all sounds unreal. Can't grasp my mind around this situation. I do not even what to say.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The only thing that makes your husband a loser out of what you said, is his choice to stay with you.

You honestly don't deserve anyone with that additude.

You're gonna end alone.

Also where the fuck is your ambition? what have you acomplished? 😂

[Asker]

Well, why do you think he won’t let me go? When I met him
I was 19 years old. He was married to his first girlfriend ever an older woman 35 years old back then who was a promiscuous, substance abuser, no job and no future to this point. When we got together, I pushed him to get his license, first car, look better, I payed the bills first including my mothers because I used to get more money then both of them, I cook and have everything ready for both of them so they can go to work looking good and without hunger. I was in the military. I worked non stop for so many years until this point that I’m recovering from an illness and I see him struggling but still finding a way to make it but not like me when I used to work. I created a small food business. I’m studying now that I recover to open another business. I’m not just a gold digger I push you to be with me on the top but he’s way to nice and even though sometimes he washes cars on bus own on re sells clothes he still way to nice and naive. Unlike my neighbor since we are friends that’s why I know this

[TheSpaceGnome]

None of your accomplishments, skills, or deeds matter if you're an egotistical asshole.

[Yoursweetgirl]

At first why did you even marry him. Second why don't divorce him since you're so good and he's just a loser?
I can understand you're not attracted to him anymore but do something abohut it don't just hurt him.
You should either leave or stay and work for this relationship

[Asker]

I was 19 and he was my first boyfriend not love. I want him to be a successful man and help him to compensate the times I disrespected him. Even though he’s an attractive man, it’s hard for him to find another woman 😩 and a good one. He’s clearly not a cheater. I know this because I’ve been around that people especially the ones w/ money. My husband invited me to a dance and I declined but later decide to go because I knew he was going to be lonely and I was right. I was looking at him from far away and he acts like a shy guy from school who’s afraid to talk. I feel guilty …

[Ms_Facesitter]

You can't. You made the mistake of marrying somebody you're not attracted to.

If you can't attract the kind of man you want, it means the problem is you and you need to step up your game if you really want a man like your neighbour. Not settle for someone you didn't really want anyway.

[KaiidiraX]

I feel bad for your husband who sounds like a good man and not a loser.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You sound like trash. You WANT to be with someone who is a cheater? Because he has multiple cars? Yep... surprised your husband puts up with you, More surprised that you fail to see that he's the one dating down, not you.

[serious]

First of all it is very wrong of you to compare your husband with other men and secondly it is clear that you don't love your husband and you are not attracted to him so you should consider breaking up the marriage

[Anonymous]

This is why half of marriages end in divorce and women file 80% of them. Today's women have no sens eof commitment, and that's why the institution of marriage won't last more than another generation.

You should leave him and let him find a better woman.

[rebeliouse]

sounds like your husband would be a whole lot better without you and would find a much nicer woman thats more respectful where you would go on to get used by every player as they would all know your a gold digger and thats even if you have any looks to attract them with else you will just end up in the gutter of wanting

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

And you think a cheater is better?

Divorce your husband, he deserves better.

[Asker]

He died deserve better. I mean my neighbor is my friend and told me that no matter how much he cheats he loves his wife. He told me man cheat out of boredom not love.

[EmmaMary]

Just why the fuck did you marry him in the first place?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

You like what you like & as for you I think you should do your husband a favor & divorce him, he can do better.

[KittygosMeoWW]

This is really gross, if your husband is a good man let him go. Sounds like you just want more money and a different lifestyle.

[DarkWinterNights]

This is a big reason why I don’t want to get married.

[Asker]

Don’t unless you’re both mature enough and you can clearly see both of you have a mutual connection.