Why does my man touch me when I'm sleeping?

[Anonymous]

Not sure what to do. My husband touches me when I'm sleeping. I told him if he did it again I would leave him. He says he can't control it. He did it again and he is now staying at a friends while I think about what to do. He is going to see a therapist but I told him to do that the last time and he said no. Should I stay or should I go?

[palek]

What he's been doing is is clearly disrespectful (as darkangel has said), and also, in my experience, bizarre. On the other hand, I have to give him points for giving you the room you need by staying at a friends house, and for volunteering himself for treatment. In this, he seems to be admitting the error of his ways. If I were you, I'd want to save my marriage (assuming all other aspects are going well), and I'd give him the opportunity to amend his behavior, if at all possible. You might make it clear to him, that if this is to ever happen again you will leave him at once. You might also find a therapist yourself, to inquire into the nature of his problem, and gain advice as to it's treatability. It would seem like you should both be involved in the therapy sessions. All the best.

[sharktank]

i know this is super old but...

wtf? you two are married why would you care? at least he is interested in your body still. I don't mind at all when my woman grabs me in my sleep. actually like it. I have never recieved any negative feedback when I do it to her either.

[darkangelina]

How disrespectful.

Tell him that you find that disrespectful and if he wants to do that he should wake you up,

tell him that you don't find it sexy and it DOES NOT turn you on.

if you say it in these words he WILL stop.

Men don't want to know that what they are doing in hopes of turning you on, is failing; they want to know that they are pleasing their lover

If you state clearly that this really isn't pleasing to you, he will have to listen and change his behavior.. if he doesn't change it, then he obviously cares more about his needs than your own.

[Asker]

Thank you for responding. I actually did tell him all of these things. I even told him I would leave him. I really think its a sex addiction. I told him if he did it again, I would leave him. Then a month later he did it again. He's upset that he can't control himself but it just doesn't seem to stop him. He's been there for me through a lot and wishes I could be there for him to help him through this but I just don't have it in me. Is that wrong?

[palek]

Great advice! I sense you don't suffer fools gladly. lol.

[Anonymous]

if you said you were going to leave him, then I think you need to follow through with that, otherwise your word doesn't really mean anything and he'll probably do it again because he thinks you just keep taking him back.