Hi there! Militant pansexual feminist here (and I'm probably gonna get kicked out of one of my groups-of-choice for this opinion, but here goes!)
The issue here isn't, to me, that she isn't willing to cook or do something for you. The way that it looks, one of the ways that you accept love and appreciation is through someone being able to do nice things for you or acquiesce on certain requests. It's not BAD to take pleasure in having your partner make food for you- my girlfriend shows her affection and care regularly by trying to shove food down my face to make sure I'm taken care of. It is adorable... and irritating, but mostly adorable so I'm a happy fat girl who feels good knowing that her partner wants to take care of her.
What is an issue, however, is entitlement. Your (future) wife is not required to cook you food. That is not an inherent part of the social contract- women cook, men do something that isn't cooking.
If we're going on perceptions and stereotypes, a man who is all "woman, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!" is the type of person who doesn't respect his partner and places his own needs above hers. The "make me a sandwich" thing has become synonymous with an inequality in a relationship, so much so in fact that I personally have felt like I'm doin' the cause wrong by enjoying things like cooking and being a good hostess.
Does she know that you feel most supported by receiving acts of service? Do you know what makes her feel most loved and appreciated?
If you want someone to cook for you, reward the behavior and praise it until the cows come home. Show her that you are grateful for what she does for you because, again, it's not the sandwich that's the problem- it's the side of entitlement.
I can't praise someone for doing nothing and I am entitled to expect a partner to pull thrir weight in a relationship.
Did you guys talk about having a healthy balance of duties? Your post made it sound like "Yeah, she's great, she just doesn't make food for me and that's totes a dealbreaker, lawl!" Then, you picted some pictures of hot chicks and memes- which doesn't necessarily add to the question you're trying to ask. Not a lot to work with there.
What does your relationship dynamic look like? Tell me more about your girlfriend and the way that your social set up works, so I can make a better informed opinion?
I am a little traditional in that I think that women need to have a certain set of skills to make a house a home. ( whether married or not). These skills have made my home not only more pleasant to live in, but it has save me money.
1. Sewing (I can sew my own dresses, pants for him, curtains, alternations for him etc and I have even made extra cash from this skill when I needed the cash)
2. Cooking- meals, baking, larger entertainment
3. Home decoration ( taking old furniture and making it like new with a good polish, new paint, or just recover it in new fabric)
4. cleaning- I can't tell you how many people don't know how to clean properly. A clean house, is a healthy home!
With this being said. If a man ever said to me 'bring me a sandwich woman', I would drop it on his head. It is all about respect and asking nicely.
Yes please dear xxx
How important is food? Some people live off of whey protein shakes and cleanses. For them; who cares? I'm sure she can be taught to blend.
If you like actual food, that's another story. Have a cook-off with a few friends and invite her to participate. If she cooks better than your friend's girlfriends, you'll even have bragging rights. And if she really loves you, she will make you a sandwich without ever having to be asked, and will never forget your chips or your favorite beverage.
How important should the girl's willingness be to stay in the kitchen and make her man a sandwich, as well as being in charge of cooking duties most of the time before a man proposes?
Only as significant as his willingness to be the sole breadwinner and be in charge of bringing in all the cash-flow.
Exactly
I don't think knowing how to cook is sexist. I know how to cook and I expect my wife to be decent at it not because she's a woman but because she's an adult and in the real world all it takes is a quick natural disaster like a tornado wiping out the power in your city for a week or two and now we're stranded cooking for ourselves. I need the security of knowing that if I'm trapped away from my family that my wife can keep my kids alive while I'm gone. I think every adult should know how to cook. And by cook I mean more than microwave a hot pocket or pour some cereal. It's an essential life skill not a sexist demand.
I believe it's important in general to know how to cook for both a wife and a husband. For one it's a good life skill, two eating out or eating frozen meals all the time is both very expensive and unhealthy. And three what happens when you have ingredients in the house but not a enough money to go out and eat someone is going to have to cook.
So it is important that my wife knows how to cook, I know how to cook so I expect her to know how to, since I'd never ask her to do something that I couldn't do for her or in general as well.
Opinion
6Opinion
So here's the thing. If I am with a girl who refuses to ever do a simple act such as cooking for your partner then yes, that is a problem.
If the sole reason she refuses to do this is because her women's group discourages it then that's a lousy group.
I am in no sense expecting her to always cook or to fulfill the role of chef in the relationship. I am expecting her to, as another decent human being who is to be part of a family, do her part. Sometimes that's cooking. Sometimes it's moving furniture. Sometimes working or getting up at night to put the baby back to sleep. Refusing to do something because it reinforces an outdated gender role is the kind of pointless nonsense I wouldn't want in a partner.
I don't know cooking and i think that man should't expect their women to cook for them. I am just as "obliged" to cook for him as he is to me. So if man will cook for me i will try to make something for him as well. But i don't think that cooking is my duty.
Who the hell doesn't know how to cook! this is sustainability 101!!! anyway if y'all gonna get married you might as well take cooking classes together.
I can already cook and cook well.
That is good! good for you :) maybe enroll her into classes? god i am so grateful mama and grandmama taught me! But she can always learn is she is up for it
No. I dont think I can marry her because I think she wants the wedding more than the marriage.
Ahhh, that is never good. Never put the ring on the wrong woman.. And she my friend sounds like a wrong woman for you
It doesn't seem like you two are compatible. If you want a traditional woman that cooks and cleans for you, then that's who you should go for.
Cooking isn't that hard. I think both people should learn how to cook (even if it's simple meals). Especially if both work. If I'm off of work, I have time and actually don't mind cooking meals or making him a sandwich. I'm good at it, he enjoys it and he usually helps clean up with dishes. He also gives me a massage, so it's all good.
You're 30+ and still believe it's a woman's duty to do things for you which you could easily do on your own?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against cooking dinner for my husband every once in a while, but that's not my sole purpose in life. My future husband knows not to always expect a hot meal ready for him when he comes home because I'm not his servant. If he wants a mother to look after him, he should go live with her instead.
Well if your pulling your weight with the finances and manuel labour tasks around the home thats great for you both if not go and marry your Dad.
Can you change a car wheel, clean the gutters out, fit utilities, unblock a toilet, bleed the radiators, fix a roof tile, keep your grass mowed, erect a fence around your garden, build your childs treehouse? More fathers are becoming stay at home dad's because the original number before was zero so that number can only go up and with more and more choosing to work it will keep goin up uf it be right or wrong. But most women are still at heart traditional.
I can't do all that stuff but I can sew, knit, cook, clean and im a zumba expert lol marry me instead
@lolatyou see absolutely usless.
If you can pay someone to do all that perhaps you can pay a maid to clean, a cook to cook and a nanny to raise your kids since obviously you live in downtown abbey lol.
Funny story - I met a girls parents for dinner one afternoon, and I told them that I had trained at Culinary Institute of America, and they said, "Wow, a man that cooks! This is just what you need, (her daughters name)! Because she can't cook, and I keep telling her these guys want a girl that can cook, I said '(name), no one will ever want you cause you can't cook,'" at this point, she looked at her daughter who was staring at her plate, proceeded to grab her daughters jaw and repeated, "no one will ever want you," in the most condescending way I've ever heard.
Very, very awkward moment for a boyfriend.
Everyone, men and women, should know the rudiments of cooking. It's like knowing first aid or traffic laws, it doesn't matter if you never intend to use it, you should still know it.
Exactly. ...
@Poppykate too right its the best way for any "miss independent" if she "dont need no man" lol
I don't think it's sexist. Some people are attracted to eople who exhibit traditional roles. I am more attracted to strong, smart, successful men. I also kind of expect him to be somewhat handy around the house. What's wrong with that? As long as both of you are happy, fuck what everyone else thinks.
For her to have the ability? I guess it matters, but not much. I like to cook and I especially like to cook, with a girl. It's a moment of true intimacy for me that I fully enjoy.
So if she knows how to cook, that's definitely a plus and a turn on, but not a requirement.
I hate food prep. If my girl would do the shopping and prep food for the week, I'd be all over making dinner. One I actually like to do. Food prep I can't stand lol
I think cooking is a basic means of survival and it's scary that neither of you can perform a basic everyday task. Does your mom still do your laundry too?
No I can cook an do household chores I just don't want to marry someone who can't or won't as they are a bad marriage prospect dont you think?
I think anyone who cares that much about household chores in a marriage, isn't ready for marriage.
Whatever happened to loving someone and having fun with them, having a deeper connection with them- but nope i'd rather have a freakin sandwich or my grass mowed. It sounds like something my grandparents would care about.
Are your grandparents divorced?
And just for the record, i've changed multiple car tires. Can change my own oil. My dad used to make us mow 2 acres of land with a push mower until I was 17 and before I made decent money- I also mowed and weed eated my own lawn because most places require it if you're a renter. So yeah mowing the grass doesn't take a genius lol. I've put up multiple fences in my yard, some being 300 feet in length and 6 feet tall. And I love cooking.
But I wouldn't break up with my boyfriend because he can't or isn't interested in doing those things. Most of the things you're claiming are very basic honestly, it's not that impressive and neither is cooking. I prefer to pay people to do some of those because it's just easier and quicker.
Also what if something physical happens to you or your wife and you can't perform some of these things anymore-does your value as a person go out of the window as well.
Nope but they're miserable. Because my grandfather is very old fashioned and my grandmother is obviously tired of it. I think she was ok with it for awhile but now that they're older she doesn't think that is how it supposed to be anymore lol and yes i've had discussion with her. They're very old fashioned and religious.
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Of course you did.
Your grandparents have a successful marriage but people can grow a part over decades of toil and sacrifice but thats still better than all those separated parents. Practicality is an important thing when considering marriage.
Or where 29 year old women come when they start panicking when there eggs are going out of date.
Every woman says she doesn't want kids until their egg timer has seconds left on the clock.
My dad owned a landscaping buisness and thats essentially how I spent my summers from the age of twelve earning money for college so I accept your challenge to a duel.
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Nope, men tell themselves that women need marriage and children to value themselves because you either actually think that (sad for you) or you think it gets under my skin and either of those makes you wrong. If you're even a semi- attractive woman, you will have no issues getting a man or finding one to have unprotected sex with you. It's not difficult, I doubt very man women make this choice because they simply have no other options, that's pretty laughable since women can pretty much get a man anytime we want one.
I've also been working since I was 13 and it wasn't just during summer. Once again not a man thing either.
"If you're even a semi- attractive woman, you will have no issues getting a man or finding one to have unprotected sex with you" I agree with this as its true but only if your between ages 16-30 once she passes that age period it gets harder and harder for her as her attractiveness devalues as a commodity she can use to her advantage while at 30+ a man is coming into his prime.
Thats alright no ones saying a man can work but its definitely women that want a wedding, marriage and kids much more than men.
Yeah because a lot of younger men don't love younger women- you know like my boyfriend for example. If a woman takes care of herself we can be attractive even in our 30s 40s and 50s+ and you know what even if i'm not there's more to life than being with a man who thinks I hold no value because i'm not interested in being his personal chef or baby factory.
Women are content only being those things are just desperate in my opinion and probably need to look into bringing more to the relationship.
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Women who can still look attractive past their thirties are the exception not the rule.
Its not that most men don't value a woman like you its more that you have no value when it comes to marriage and having kids. Women who want marriage and kids with a good husband are only desperate because of the high standards required of a woman for a man to propose to her and settle down and have kids with her.
How old is your boyfriend?
I think more people should wait until they're older and have actually experienced life before settling for marriage and children so early but I guess it's their business if they want to put themselves in that position lol
He's 22 and i'm 28 but this site likes to put people a year ahead.
I
Probably for legal reasons on the semi peado how do I look section.
Be careful your boyfriend may only be 22 and might not want marriage and kids but by the time he gets to your age he might have changed his mind.
That last statement is likely why this one won't work out for you but who am I to talk.
Those memes___
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Well I suppose thats up to you. Id be ok with it as long as you fullfilled traditional male roles.
Um. It doesn't sound like you two are anywhere close to being in a secure and serious enough relationship to consider marriage so... yeahhhh...
Are you helpless? Are you going to chain her to the radiator whenever you get married?
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Stockholm syndrome is kinda hot.
will you marry me @Asker?
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@CheerGirl38139 if you can cook and keep a tidy home maybe.
Although those are major reasons.
@CheerGirl38139 does the girl in the picture have a stroke? or seizure?
@lacorine197 your words not mine.
lmfaoo
In your case, she better be willing to learn to cook if you're gonna put a ring on it. She can't pick and choose gender roles and tradition whenever she pleases
As I can choose whether to put a ring on it or not. We all have standards.
Its really important for a man to know how to cook , I mean what will he do if I'm not around? starve? GTFO
Agreed.
If that bitch can't cook kick her ass to the curb. Lol Sorry I'm just passionate about food. Honestly, why would you marry a girl that cannot cook?
"I support traditional values and gender roles. MRA"
WTF does this have to do with MRA's? I'm not even an MRA and I know this is total bullshit.
If you're doing the traditional male things then I don't think your expectations are unfair
@9mfeo yeah I do all the traditional male things DIY, car and lawn maintenance etc
@9mfeo thats up to her if lesbiens and gays can be considered as legitimate relationships, married and have babies why can't polygamists. Are you fascist or something?
Your seriously judging her based on cooking?
Of course she's an adult.
That doesn't change anything! You're actually judging her based in her cooking?
As a marriage prospect yes. Im sure she judges mr as marriage prospect on similar ways.
Why can't you cook for yourself?
I can cook. Im a very capable person.
Then why wonder if you should marry her based on her ability to cook? Tbh, it sounds like you don't deserve her
Because I want a woman not a spoiled little girl I have to bottle feed.
I hope you learn to cook.
Yeah, you just confirm what I thought
Sorry, but I hope she gets some common sense and breaks up with you, you're the one who sounds like a spoiled little brat
I hope you learn that a wife isn't a slave
A slave is what she'd have me. Trust me no man is going to look after you like your parents while you sit on your butthole watching the Kardashians.
Men have standards they expect of women if they are going to marry and settle down with them just the same as women do. Dont be butthurt if you can't measure up.
You do realise that woman have other things they can be good at. Deciding whether you should marry someone based only on their cooking abilities is lazy, and selfish
"A slave is what she'd have me"
Can't understand, your grammar is horrible, wait, you aren't good at grammar so you don't deserve a wife.
Are you saying "a slave is what she'd have, me" or "A slave is what she'd have to be, to me"
Yeah, only I'd hope most people Don't include "cooking" in their standards. deciding based on her kindness or something like that is fine, but not her cooking ability
What do you think a woman's job is?
Its a way of speaking dont be a bigoted racist. Its called life skills.
How the heck am I a bigoted racist? At least I'm not a selfish sexist guy whose too lazy to make himself a sandwich. Sorry, I would try to be nicer, but when you do this it crosses the line and its hard to be nice.
Just grow up, and make yourself some food
Just stop being racist
I'm not being racist. You need to GROW UP
Says the racist person who thinks a future husband will pander to her whims while she sits on her large rump watching the kardashians.
1. Again, how am I racist? I have said NOTHING about anybody's race
2. No, (I don't even like the kardashians) what will happen, is we will both do work. I won't be his slave, and he won't be mine. I'll get a RESPECTFUL husband, who, unlike you, will not be sexist.
And anyway, I'm probably gonna get the job. Maybe we both will.
Now, stop insulting me and START GROWING UP AND TREAT WOMAN WITH SOME RESPECT
I never disrespected women your the one who needs to respect men and understand that a marriage takes two.
Your trolling aren't you?
If you aren't, then you are some sexist jerk, who can't understand that WOMAN DON'T EXIST TO MAKE YOU FOOD.
I really hope she breaks up with you.
Bye
Your the sexist pig who thinks men exist to provide you with security and status while you sit on your behind watching Americas next top model
No lol, I don't even like those. (I only watch one TV show)
I really and honestly do not believe you are 30 or older. Not many people can be that immature then.
You need to learn something. YOUR WIFE IS NOT YOUR SLAVE. SO GROW UP
Who said anything about slavery and to suggest it is sexist. Im talking about a partner who pulls their weight equally. Grow up because a husband is not supposed to take the placr of your parents.
Uh, your the one who thinks your wife needs to Cook for you 24/7
Didn't your mommy show you how to make basic food?
Im a great cook in my own right and everyone should be able to cook as its a basic skill of any adult just like tying your laces or writing a letter.
Cook 24/7 maybe if I was running a 24 hour restaurant lol is it really wrong to expect a
Maybe she does other things instead. Not everyone can do everything. Maybe she could never get cooking right and would always burn it and didn't want to make you upset
So here's the thing. If I am with a girl who refuses to ever do a simple act such as cooking for your partner then yes, that is a problem.
If the sole reason she refuses to do this is because her women's group discourages it then that's a lousy group.
I am in no sense expecting her to always cook or to fulfill the role of chef in the relationship. I am expecting her to, as another decent human being who is to be part of a family, do her part. Sometimes that's cooking. Sometimes it's moving furniture. Sometimes working or getting up at night to put the baby back to sleep. Refusing to do something because it reinforces an outdated gender role is the kind of pointless nonsense I wouldn't want in a partner.
That guy gets it.
Listen, I understand that part, however when you say that and include all of those memes above it's another story.
And trust me, that woman is gonna want you to help her get that baby back to sleep sometimes.
Nobody said otherwise and the memes were funny unless you had uour sense of humour surgically removed.
No, they aren't funny. They are offensive.
Are racist jokes funny? Gay jokes? Religious jokes? No. They are offensive
At that rate stand up comedians like chris rock and sarah silverman should stop telling jokes.
I don't know who those people are?
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