Guys, does the size/design of the engagement ring matter to you?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage. He told me he wants me to pick out ring designs that I like so he can find one for me when we're ready to take that step. I asked him for his price range so I could pick within what he'd be willing to spend. He said nothing over $5,500, including tax.

Not going to lie, I damn near passed out because I thought he was going to say $1,500 max if I was lucky because so many men always say us women should accept whatever we get even if it's small and we don't like it because we didn't pay for it. I told him that, and he texted me back basically saying only betas think that way, and any real man who was truly in love would want his lady to have something nice within his means since she's the one who has to wear it everywhere for their entire marriage. He told me he didn't want me walking around with a grain of sand on my hand.

Now I'm not going to go out and get a $5,000 just because it costs that much. I showed him some I liked, but it did get me wondering... guys, do you really care if the ring looks nice, or are you of the opinion that the woman gets what she gets, and she better be happy about it?

[hellionthesagereborn]

Okay well that's moronic. First, yeah, your not paying for it and you want him to drop that much money on a piece of metal and a stone that is incredibly common (gold is rarer then diamonds. In fact most things are rarer then diamonds). So claiming that is moronicaly stupid, you have to be really greedy and self absorbed to care about something like that (because again, your not paying for it, its not providing a practical use, he could use that money to oh, I don't know, save for retirement, fix the house, help get a car, pay off a mortgage etc. etc. etc.).

As for the designs, I care in that women are incredibly unoriginal with their choices and clearly as you have shown only care about the cost, not whether it looks good, not whether or not its actually made from rare stones (Alexandrite for instance, black opal, Benitoite, rubies, emeralds, Dominican amber (does a nice little color change depending on whether or not the light is going through both sides (either looking like amber or becoming a deep blue color) etc. etc.).

So I care in an artistic sense and whether or not she wants it as a sign of actually loving me and our relationship or if its their as a status symbol (like your suggesting). The first is fine, the second isn't.

Also seriously, their are so many other things out their that are far more rare and beautiful in gemstones then diamonds (diamonds are generic, common (almost every woman in the western world owns a diamond. Hell we use them for saws for Christs sake.) and more interesting metals an metal alloys then gold (red gold, green gold, rose gold, white gold. You have meteorite iron (pretty rare on earth and has a beautiful crystalized structure giving it a unique pattern), platinum, palladium, etc. etc.).

[Asker]

I've shown women care about cost... because I asked what his budget was? That's a reach, and, quite honestly, pretty ignorant. I'm not going to look for a ring and show it to him when he can't afford it. That's embarrassing for both of us. I don't want him to feel it has to be super expensive and if he can't afford it then he can't have me, but I also don't want him to think I believe money grows on trees. Most women who only care about money aren't going to ask for a budget. They're going to pick a ring regardless of price and just expect it handed to them. You can find pretty rings that don't cost thousands and thousands of dollars.

You sound extremely bitter. Did you propose to someone and they turned you down?

[hellionthesagereborn]

You literally bitched about men not wanting to pay more. "I thought he was going to say $1,500 max IF I WAS LUCKY because so many men always say us women should accept whatever we get even if it's small and we don't like it because we didn't pay for it." So yeah, my statement stands, women care more about it being expensive then anything else and you pointed out that you cared too.

As for sounding bitter, no, I just don't like people being shallow, especially when its women in this situation that care more about the status of an expensive ring rather then what it represents (it shows she doesn't really care about the guy, he is nothing but a paycheck to her). So the only thing I'm "bitter" about is how easily women treat men like paychecks (and how unoriginal they are with rings caring more about them being expensive instead of artistic (hence me pointing out all the other types you could have that are not the more expensive (and bland) diamond and gold) and again, you quite literally complained about men not spending more money on women (I gave you your quote) so yeah. . .

[RlovesD7792foralways]

I bought the love of my life two diamond engagement rings (don't ask why it was an upgrade from the original) the upgrade is a.70 ct princess cut VVS1 E color in 14k white gold and 6 side diamonds 3 on each side with G-H color and SI1-SI2 clarity. The smaller one was a.50ct same specs as the original. The.70ct in those specs costs a pretty penny. The best thing you could do is to build your own either from zales or from bluenile and use promocodes when you do and make sure it's gia certified. I just got done buying her a set of 1ct diamond hoop earrings last night unfortunately I can't give them to her because her business is closed down due to corvid-19 so I have to wait until this lockdown and quarantine is over with before I can mail them to her. I got them for her because I wanted to not because I had to. And I also got her 200 red roses being delivered to her on may 15th as well. for her birthday last year I bought her a piece of meteorite and her birthday before that I named a star after her. The diamond earrings were a just because I felt like doing something nice for you gift. I popped the question to her this past valentines day through a video message I DM'd her since I couldn't do it in person. Long distance relationship.

[RlovesD7792foralways]

I'm asking you not to marry him please

[Nicolette777]

Of course! You have to wear it for the rest of your life (unless you get an upgrade later of course). I think a man should buy a ring suitable price-wise to how much money he has. For example, my sister’s fiancé is a surgeon (earning loads) and refused to buy her one. If she wants one, she has to buy it herself. I think that’s disgraceful that he is too lazy and stingy to buy one

[_gigi18]

Rings weren't even supposed to be apart of marriage it's just advertising. I hate rings tbh I'd much prefer a simple necklace to wear on occasion

[Asker]

That doesn’t answer the questions, but thanks for playing.

[_gigi18]

Shit sorry. Ring size shouldn't matter as long as you love the person you're with. The amount you care shouldn't be dependent on a ring size

[godfatherfan]

If he can afford it, awesome for him. If you truly mean that the cost of it doesn't matter, then pick one you really like regardless of it is 100 or 5000. What a ring looks like doesn't matter to most men. I am sure that there are guys that are so full of themselves, they think their woman needs a huge ring for them to feel good. I always hated myself because all I could afford was $750 for the engagement ring I bought my exwife back in 1989 when I was 20yr old. She claimed she liked it though. But she lied about so many things, who knows. I thought it looked nicer then most of the rings that were twice that much. But then again, I got it on base and we get great discounts. I think it appraised for about 25% more then I paid for it.

[JKingOff]

If it's for you then it doesn't matter. There are several purposes behind buying an engagement ring for someone. Aside from just an everlasting promise. typically speaking a price for an engagement ring should always equal at least six months worth of wages. Therefore how much money is spent on the engagement ring is typically a sign of how much income your partner has or is going to have. it's also a way of telling his future in-laws that he has every intention and capability of taking care of you. also, if you really want to get on your future husband's good side for a very long time to come set aside some of your earnings and pick something out for him that you think he'll like. Don't worry you can always get it sized later.

[I-am-a-nobody]

I wanted a Marquise cut, but to get a decent size was expensive and they don't shine as brightly. I ended up getting the round (brilliant) cut. It surprised her.
$1500 can get a pretty nice ring.
$5000+ is way over the top for what is basically a rock.

[Asker]

He said $5,000 because of the design I want. I care more about what the band looks like. Personally, the rings I saw that didn't have designs were boring and ugly. But the ones I found that I liked were between $1,500-$3,000 depending on the advertised carat. I don't particularly care about carats, though.

[I-am-a-nobody]

I like (and she likes plain), which made life easier.
So I got the 6 prong solitaire 1/2 carat. It was more than enough.

[Asker]

The ring I picked I think had a carat diamond, and it was $2,500 but if it's 1/2 it goes to about $2,000. But I just really loved band. It was twisty and had diamonds down the side. It was 3 stoned, too.

I told him I didn't want plain, and he was okay with that. But he and I both hate really large diamonds. They look tacky.

[I-am-a-nobody]

I'd get the $2500 ring with the bigger stone.
An extra 1/2 carat is worth more than $500!
There goes that stimulus money. (ha ha)

[Asker]

Lol, that's pretty much what he said. He wants me to get something nice within reason. But he's not going to give me a ring with a diamond in it that you can barely see.

[I-am-a-nobody]

It's not like she wears it everyday, but I'm glad I got more than she expected.
Forget the naysayers here. I'm about the most frugal guy I know, but sometimes extravagance is good.
Just remember the marriage is more important than the wedding.

[Asker]

My boyfriend is very frugal, too. Actually, when I first asked for his budget, he told me $1,500, and I said okay. I didn't protest or complain or anything. Then he laughed and upped it to $5,500. I thought he was joking, and he told me he was completely serious. He said it was because he knew I wouldn't get something simply because of the price, but he didn't want to restrict my options, either, and $5,500 is within his budget. He also said that of the women he's dated, I was the only one he felt took into consideration money and being rationale and wouldn't spend his money unnecessarily like a gold digger. He planned on that being his budget the entire time, but had no intention of telling me that until I asked.

[SoWhAt249]

I'd actually prefer not to wear anything on my fingers. And arm for that matter. Rings and bracelets irritate me. I dunno what I'm gonna do if I eventually get engaged and married. I'll probably wear my ring on a chain around my neck and not on my fingers.

[Asker]

I wouldn't be okay with my husband doing that.

[Hermes-Paris]

I got mine the biggest cubic zirconium I could find! 😫 We got ours at an antique auction. It was a 1.2 carat princess cut diamond that was a single earring. She ordered a setting on line with the help of a local jeweler and he put it together. Looks great and ended up less than $2500 but looks like a $10,000 ring. At least that's what it was appraised for. 😉

[MannMitAntworten]

The only thing that matters to me is that she ‘LOVES’ it. Having been ring shopping and seeing the expression on their face especially when they see a ring they truly love... yeah, you can’t beat that especially as they turn to look at you and beam even more. The ‘right’ ring matters.

It did look damn right on her finger too. C’est la vie.

[Dongtai]

Engagement ring? Pshhh. That’s a waste of money. The only ring I’m buying is a wedding ring and yes the size matters. If I can’t afford the one I think she deserves she’ll definitely get an upgrade when I can.

[adidas0169]

I personally feel and think if a woman only wants a big ass diamond then she's greedy and materialistic. it shouldn't matter how much the damn thing cost or how big all that matter is that he wants to spend rest of his life with you

[jamesgoldman]

Somewhat but I'm in the jewellery business so it would be weird to not worry about it
Personally I've set a £5K budget which will in this business get a £12K-£15K retail ring

[LEADFOOTboi]

i say that... i have confidence in a woman's ability to choose a ring that looks great... you're kind to not decide that you HAVE to spend the whole budget... q w p but that's a lot of parts tokens to spend on that

[Liam_Hayden]

I think most people are still brainwashed by De Beers scam campaign, which was designed to shame people into spending thousands on a not-really-rare chunk of compressed carbon.

[Thatsamazing]

Uh tell him he doesn't need to spend nearly that much. You need to tell him that. That's too much money.

[Asker]

I did tell him that. He said he knows, but he said that's the highest he's willing to go. Not a penny over. He said he also knew I wasn't going to pick one that expensive (which he's right). I want something on the smaller side of a medium. I have the hands of a child, unfortunately, and I don't want some big ass gaudy rock on it.

But you didn't answer my question at all.

[Thatsamazing]

Of course most of us care if the ring looks nice and it's in line with what she wants.

[StickStickity13]

Shaming men for not spending a lot of money on something that provides no use is stupid. I'll be a "beta" and invest that money into something that will triple in value eventually.

[Asker]

He didn't shame anyone for not spending a lot of money. He shamed guys who don't want their woman to have something nice out of cheapness. There's a difference. But go ahead and be a beta lol. But quality rings do actually go up in value so long as you take care of it. My mother's ring is worth way more now that it was when she got married in 1984.

[StickStickity13]

Or I could save for a rental property and it will bring far more value than a ring you can't rent and will never sell. I would only marry someone rational for this reason.

[Asker]

So buying a nice ring for someone you love means you can't get a rental property? Yikes. You may want to rethink your finances.

[StickStickity13]

If you need an expensive ring to show love, you need to rethink this marriage.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, that answer may define whether the relationship works. I think she should be happy with it, but should be affordable. $1000 not much for a ring.

[JimboGB]

The prise would be you, not the ring. Materialistic possessions mean very little to me. Unless you tried to put a hula hoop on my finger, otherwise I wouldn't be so ungrateful.

[Deen420]

Yes it does matter.

Because if it's so cool, fancy, & huge; it'll cost a fortune.
I'm not going buyi a ring that costs my entire networth.

And it's a fucking ring, god damn. It's on your finger. It's merely a cosmetic.

[WTFever]

So long, as it doesn't have a diamond in it, I'm fine. I would never pay for that over priced shit.

[Anonymous]

Dont get nothing stupid, knowing me I'd tell my fiancee (if she were to get some giant ass ruby or soemthing) when something looks bad. Sure get what you want but... be smart

[Asker]

Big rocks are ugly. The only thing worse than a big rock are those weird engagement rings that have like 3 bands melded together to make it look huge.

[coffeewithcream]

I think with equality, women should pay for half the ring.

[Richard-Tilburg]

I do not need a ring... She will get a budget for the rings. 😇