Is love comes before marriage or after?

[Anonymous]

I was thinking about this for a bit and I saw some people who are experienced, the result was that love comes after marriage

[kyleelyn199723]

Before. Why would you make a life time commitment with someone you don’t initially love? That’s a little weird to me. Anyone that says love comes after, is in love with the feeling of being married.

[Asker]

The thing made think about this, I know an old man told his story he said he was thinking love comes before marriage like many people do but he thought he fall in love then he decided to get married after long time but after he got married he got divorced like five times. Then he saw someone told him get an arranged marriage u just see the girl and talk about each other and make some rules then get married now he is stil married to this girl, he is truly happy and love her. This made me think that the situation is different so loving someone before marriage is not true, after marriage is the true love. But still I am not 100% sure this is why I asked the question

[kyleelyn199723]

I guess, but in my opinion it sounds forced. Now what happens when that arranged marriage you start seeing the persons flaws and you can’t tolerate it? I just think it results to cheating. It’s like people think cheating magically goes away when marriage is implemented and that they can’t get divorced from you lol

[Asker]

when they get arranged marriage they will see each other before marriage to talk about each other if u don't like him u will refuse same goes to him but if u accept , u will think this my husband then I will love him at least u will try to love him same goes to him , this works if u don't compare each other with other people

[kyleelyn199723]

I don't know I just don’t agree with arranged marriages. It teaches you to put up with something that may be below your standards which isn’t for me.

[HaveNoName]

It is cultural. If it does not belong to your culture, you will never find it workable. More over, most of the arranged marriages now are kind of a hybrid. People suggest a match. You get to meet up and get to know each other and then both sides decide if they want ro take it forward. It doesn't mean you take months and months. But nothing is written on stone.

[kyleelyn199723]

From my experience, I believe it takes months and months to know if someone is right lol who knows.

[HaveNoName]

Someone said it right... "Sometimes 2-3 short meetings are enough to judge a person inside out; other times, even after years you are not sure".

[kyleelyn199723]

😬 again it doesn’t sound like my kind of thing lol.

[Asker]

It doesn't mean that all arranged marriages goes successful, some are not but there are people who never give up they want to work it out. I know a man was for 15 years suffering but he finally managed to work it out

[kyleelyn199723]

15 years suffering sounds beyond miserable lol life is too short

[Asker]

I mean he have kids so he decided to try work it out for the kids

[kyleelyn199723]

Understandable but oof that sounds like misery

[Goforit1010]

I don't know who you talked to, but love should come before marriage.

After marriage is how you both are put to the test in showing/displaying/giving that love to your spouse. It may come in the form of cooking their meal, cleaning the house, doing dishes, vacuuming, taking care of the car, or checking that "noise" in the middle of the night. It may be in just holding her/him. Listening. Offering GOOD advice, FORGIVENESS (something too many couples ignore). These (and MANY more ideas), are all possible ways to show them how much you love them.

Complaining, being selfish, wanting your way, are all examples of NOT showing love.

[HaveNoName]

True love is when you know you are committed and you know that despite differences or minor dislikes, you make it work and keep it going. THAT love only comes AFTER you are commited.

[kyleelyn199723]

Agree to disagree, but why would you put a ring on a girls finger if you can’t accept her flaws before you are fully committed? That’s a little odd to me

[HaveNoName]

@kyleelyn199723 Focus is not on finding flaws. And I also don't give the "ring period" any creedence or importance. What really matters is being married.

[kyleelyn199723]

Of course it’s not of finding flaws, but flaws usually happen through out a relationship. Out of curiosity why does being married matter?

[kyleelyn199723]

If a girl cheats on you while being engaged and you find out when you are married, does the cheating matter?

[HaveNoName]

@kyleelyn199723 being married matters when do not believe in a relationship outside wedlock.

[kyleelyn199723]

😬 ahh I see it now.

[HaveNoName]

@kyleelyn199723 ... as for cheating, if we are marrying only because we do not believe in a relationship outside wedlock, why would we take the cheating route? In any case in the event it happened, it would depend if it was a physical relationship or just a liking for someone that was eventually put aside or forgotten.

[kyleelyn199723]

Hmmm so you wouldn’t care if she talked to someone right before you got married? I mean physical relationship no string attached?

[HaveNoName]

@kyleelyn199723 if there was physical stuff going on after the engagement period and found out later,. Of course that calls for a discussion and course of action. Wrong voluntary actions are not excusable. In fact, in our culture, a lot of background check goes on about both sides before getting into this bond. Its a completely different mindset snd methodology.

[Asker]

I agree to the background check, after all marriage is not a game, it is a life thing.

[KatherineJ]

It is to be hoped that people are in love BEFORE they commit their lives to each other.

[Avicenna]

It usually comes before marriage

[Anonymous]

I was deeply in love before marriage.

[S-J-K]

Depends