22 years old and pressures to get a boyfriend/ married?

[Anonymous]

Is it normal for everybody to keep pushing or putting pressure on you to get a boyfriend if you've never had one and you're 22 years old? My mother is always talking about when ( if ever) and who I'll get married to and pointing out interesting guys on TV or in public to me asking me if I would ever date a person like him, blah, blah...

Why does it seem like everybody is putting pressure on me to get into a relationship or talk about relationships, for ex, my professors, my dentist, my work manager, my parents, friends, etc... is 22 really an age where people think about marriage and serious relationships and stuff? Or is it still an early age?

[Anonymous]

As a person under the same circumstances, given the same pressure, caved in to it, and struggled with a painful divorce, I'm telling you NOT to cave in to this crazy sort of peer pressure.

When you're ready, you're ready. Period.

Go date. I'm not saying become a trampy girl, but go see who is out there. Don't just tie yourself to someone with no knowledge of life.

Clearly, your mom's looking out for you, concerned about your future, etc. The others need to back off. This is none of their business.

Yes, 22 is too young, but girls start thinking about sex when they start their cycle. For girls, usually conversations about marriage follow the basic "birds and bees" discussion. Several cautionary tales are also included just to scare the heck out of us at a young age, lol.

What mentors, etc. don't get is the perspective and preference we have. If we wait too long, there's a perception that your standards will become too rigid and that you'll eventually be unable to find anyone who meets your strict criterion.

That's complete rubbish, of course. When you're ready, you're ready...Period.

Be well and hang in there. Stand your ground.

[Asker]

well, the thing is I'm not really even all that attractive to guys...so even if I think I'm ready, it's useless.

[Opinion Owner]

God, you sound just like I did back then. I am telling you, just don't do it. Be strong. Take the time to know and understand yourself better. If that's how you see yourself right now, you have a lot of self-investigating to do. What makes you beautiful is not your looks, but the combination of looks, confidence,and character -- your passion, your skills, your interests. When you're glowing from the inside out with happiness and satisfaction, heads will turn. I promise.

[nermalinda]

Ugh, people need to butt out and shut up. It's YOUR life, you can decide who you want or what you want to do. It's not their place to pressure you.

Just ignore them or tell them to leave you alone. You can date or get married or whatever whenever you want, whenever you find the right person.

I have seen a lot of people get into relationships or marriage just because of pressure, and it never turns out well.

[DishLady]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Rooting that you'll pull through. Meanwhile, I piggybacked my comment on your discussion with Christian (below). Another person said "be strong" -- I agree.

[sovetskii13]

I will be 21 this August. I have never kissed a girl, or even been on a date in my entire life. My parents and grandparents keep talking about me needing to get a girl, or how I will get a girl. It's so annoying. So, I am also getting pressured into finding a girl and getting married. I know how you feel. I think it's normal because most people expect you to have been in a relationship at least once by now. Don't feel bad. If the right guy is out there, you will find each other, and what you two decide is up to you, not your parents or anybody else.

[NMMan]

I'm sure those other people in your life mean well, but they're sure not doing you any favors by pressuring you to get involved in a relationship. When you feel it's the right time and it's comfortable for you, then you can take the steps to have that be a part of your life. And that's the key phrase here: it's *your life*. Until you feel you're ready, everyone else getting on you about this needs to back off.

[TimePhantom]

I'm going to be 22 next week and I've never even been on a date. My mom puts pressure on me to get a girlfriend, but usually I'll just change the subject and she'll drop it. I know that most people start dating much earlier, that's why we get a lot of pressure because we are not fitting the norm.

[sikoo31]

i would recommend you wait till you're 25 to get married anyway.

i recently took a sociology class on marriage counseling and discovered that couples married after 25 years of age are more likely to stay together.

[Asker]

I don't think my mother could wait that long, as long as I'm still living with her, LOL.

[sikoo31]

well you have to be a strong minded independent woman and ignore social pressures no mater who they come from. be your own person, take your time.

its never good to rush into these things.

[christian2724]

That's about normal. In about 2 more years they'll start implying they'd still love you if you were a lesbian.

[Asker]

Really? My mother says that she wants me to get married before 25... Isn't that too unreasonable? Considering that I don't think I'm particularly attractive to guys... I think its gonna take me a long time to get a guy hooked...

[christian2724]

It's your decision. I don't think it's right that the pressure you about getting married. I think people should get married in their late 20s to mid 30s. 25 seems a bit fast. I don't think you should worry about it. And I'm sure you're much more attractive than you think. Send me a picture and I'll probably end up saying a lot of nice stuff.

[Asker]

I think it's just the fact that I'm a nuisance to my mother, I still live with my family... In her own words, she would be okay with me hooking up with some rich guy in some sexy nightclub and accidently getting impregnated so that I could get married... I mean isn'tthat a bit cruel to say?!?! I guess she hates me a bunch.

[christian2724]

I don't think that's cruel to say. It's just like a joke saying that's how you can catch a rich guy who'll take care of you. I doubt she's trying to be mean. Even I joke I wouldn't pull out with a rich girl. So she could be my sugar momma. Don't worry so much. I'm sure your parents love you, especially if they have you at home still.

[DishLady]

(1) Christian's got the lesbian assumption down pat. I was 24 and speculation was FLYING till I actually got hitched.

(2) Anonymous: 25 is still too young. Get your career going. If you have to move out to get the comments to end/decrease, then that's just what you have to do. You need space and time.

(3) "Hook"? Aim to "attract" -- like a magnet. You know how people go to the gym to "strengthen their core"? Think of your personality as the "core" of what makes you attractive...

[Asker]

I am the furthest thing from a lesbian.

[fox_eden]

It isn't bad that someone may be a lesbian but it feels insulting to be measured and acknowledged only as someone that needs to be in a relationship whether male or female. Plus there is also the fact people imply that you need to sell yourself, or they try to set you up and just don't respect your reasons and boundaries. Just don't be transparent or force yourself to live up to those expectations. You know you best. They won't be there after a breakup or anything. They are not you. You are perfectly normal for no relationship, there is more to life than that!!! I want one but I also want it to be on my time and terms.

[Anonymous]

why don't you try asking a guy out for once? stop being old-fashioned, why does it make a guy less of a man if he doesn't take initiative, does not take charge?

[Asker]

It just doesn't feel right... I feel really butch for doing that... I would never ask ot a guy... I want a guy to be interested in me enough that he takes the initiative..

[Opinion Owner]

why doesn't it feel right? guys hate being rejected too

[Asker]

I still believe its the guys role to initiate First

[Opinion Owner]

well then don't complain about being single then

[collegegirl909]

well for me I see all friends and relatives getting married I wished I could find a guy too settle down with but after my ex I can't trust men lol at all sight

[moviedude714]

try being 23

[Anonymous]

depends

[Anonymous]

normal