How do I save my marriage?

[Anonymous]

Alright, so me (M23) and my wife (F24) have been together since 2016. Super happy couple, very seldom had any issues. It was a great relationship. By the time we got married in 2020, her parents (59M,62F) house had gone down (holes in floor, no working front door, really that bad), so after a few months of thinking on it, we decided to move her parents out of their house and bought a house in mine and her fathers name. I get along great with her father, and have not had any issues with him at all since we moved in, say for a few one-offs. However, her mother is a different story. Her mother constantly ridicules me to my face, behind my wife's back, despite pretending to be a loving MIL when wife is around. A few months ago, my wife caught MIL in the act, and quickly came to my defense. When we went into our room later that evening, she apologized for how her mother acted. I told her no worries, it happens, and we will try to move past it. However, this only made the ridicule happen daily in my household, regardless of if my wife was in the room. My wife continues to come to my defense, but after her mother made a very hurtful comment about how me getting my wife a $100 purse for mother's day is nothing compared to the shopping spree she took her on. Like, okay, but what's your point? I don't want to cause any strain between my wife and her mother, so as usual, I walk into my room with our kids and cool off. Wife comes in that evening and I tell her that I want to start looking for another place. She begins to say that I'm trying to screw her parents by forcing them to leave their house and that they won't be able to pay bills without me. Granted, they make $5k a month. If they can't afford a $750 mortgage, that's on them. however, I even offered to continue paying for the house for them! She then told me that if I leave, she isn't going to follow me. I told her that is fine. I am currently in my room trying to cool off, but I need real advice. What do I do here?

[TrueConfection]

Give your wife some more time. She's in the middle and she'll need to clear her head to see what should be obvious, but is probably not (yet).
Women solve problems with logic and emotion and sometimes one clouds the other, especially when it involves the people we love most. Give your mil all the rope she needs. Give her grace and your wife will see there is only one way to solve this problem.

[TrueConfection]

That's just my opinion.

[Crankor]

So just to clarify, the parents don't live with you correct? I would clarify to your wife what the issues are and she would have to acknowledge them as being problems. But ultimately you and your wife need to spend less time with her parents and more with just the two of you and your kids. It would be apparent that the mil is toxic and your wife making excuses for her behavior will just result in her acting the same way as the mil.

[Asker]

Unfortunately, I bought a house in mine and my father in laws name. Yes, they live with us.

[exitseven]

It is a bad place your in laws have put your wife. Hopefully she will understand what an intractable situation you are in. You need to explain to her that you cannot live like this anymore and someday you will just go off on the old bag. Hopefully she understands.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Guy13]

Both of you screwed up by not separating from your Family.

[Guy13]

It’s called “leave and cleave”

[Guy13]

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.(Gen2:24).

[Guy13]

Read Genesis 2 and then both of you read Ephesians 5.

[bamesjond0069]

Ummm y'all got issues. Why you asking? Just move out. If she won't go, your relationship is already over. Its not heroic to save your relationship at all costs. Dont you have dignity or self respect?

[In_Trance]

You definitely need some professional help to get through this

[Avicenna]

Work it out with her.