Can my marriage be saved?

Question

We have been together 20 years and I’ve put on a lot of weight early on and got various reasons it’s taken me forever to get to a point where I can actually commit to loosing it. My husband wants an open marriage because he says he loves me and only wants me as his wife but he needs to sleep with sexy women. I’m open to this coz I feel like I owe him but I guess what I’m asking is if I loose the weight and open our marriage will find the spark again

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Q: "What I’m asking is if I lose the weight and open our marriage will find the spark again?"
Nope

You may have put on some pounds and become less attractive.
Also, no one should "let themselves go."

At the same time, the marriage vows include:
1. In sickness and in health.
2. For better for worse.

If he wants those other women, then fine: LET HIM JERK OFF THINKING ABOUT THEM.
The last thing your marriage needs a baby mama drama and Lord knows what else.

This has to be a hard no to open marriage; no good will come from it.
You lay down the law on that.
Now, as for satisfying his "needs", sure, work on yourself, but also a good "old-fashioned" or BJ works miracles.
========
The recipe to keep a man happy:
Keep his stomach full and his balls empty.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

So… them marriage vows went right out the window…

You don’t owe your “husband” if thats really what we are gonna call this excuse of one.

He owes you! He married you. Agreed to love you and care for you and only you. In sickness and in health, for better for worse. Until death do you part.

People change. Im sure he doesn’t look the same as the day y’all married. Does he?

You don’t owe him being allowed to sleep with other women. And him asking you for that due to you not being sexy in his eyes anymore… girl. This isn't a gag post. You two need marital counseling.

XHopelessRomanticX · Accepted Answer

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. You deserve to be loved and valued no matter what you weigh.

There’s no such thing as an open marriage. Marriage, by definition, is a closed relationship, and your husband is just wanting your permission to cheat. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don’t give him that satisfaction; if he can’t cherish the wife he has, he has no business being married.

Yesdarlingmoon · Accepted Answer

no girl, gaining weight is normal if your husband wants to be an immature little boy and sleeps around with other women tell him he can but don't ever give him the benefits of being your husband. you deserve a man who loves you and only wants you. not a boy who sees you as a side piece. life is too short to be with a shallow person.

coachTanthony · Answer

Did you guys agree if someone gains weight they are allowed to have an open marriage? He doesn't get an open marriage because you gained weight. What he does get to do is simply leave you if that is what he wants. I would not agree to that. You either work on this together or go your separate ways in my opinion of course. Counseling is highly suggested here.

Ghostykill3r · Answer

I won't judge a man for not being as attracted to his wife when she gains weight, it's a normal preference that some men have. The biggest issues I see are; has he tried to help you lose weight? As in helping you diet, dieting with you, offering to exercise with you, giving you encouragement, etc. The other issue is he won't die without sex, yes sex is an important part of many relationships but that doesn't mean it should be looked for outside of your relationship. If you are comfortable and on board with him having relations outside of the marriage that's one thing, but if you're just doing so he doesn't leave you that's not ok.

Anemone978 · Answer

Really? your husband wants an open marriage and your okay with that if my ex ever said that to me I would tell him to do one... You don't owe him shit for getting fat lmao I would say try to lose it but if he wants to cheat on you that ain't real love...

TheFlak38 · Answer

Notice how all the women here feel obligated to support the woman and tell her what an asshole the husband is. When the genders are reversed however, they will never call the woman out for being a whore. They will tell her to "go girl" and how she deserves better and she shouldn't let her lazy, ugly husband prevent her from getting what she needs. Women are the epitome hypocrisy and contradiction.

Anonymous · Answer

Seems like a big risk to allow this. Is he being honest with you? With himself? What if he falls for one of them?

How much weight have you put on? I take it is a lot.

May be right for you two, maybe some therapy would be more effective.

Finchie40 · Answer

Let him screw someone else and then take his ass to court and file for divorce , if he truly loved you he wouldn’t hesitate to stay faithful to you , kick his ass to the curb where he belongs

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I'd say to get some marriage counseling at this point. It sounds like your husband loves you but things sound a bit off track perhaps.

Anonymous · Answer

it's over. nothing you do will create the spark again. he's moved on. and is also an asshole. love how guys think girls are the ones who create divorces...

This_Is_My_Opinion8 · Answer

He clearly didn't read that "until death" part on the vows.  One should only marry if he loves his wife unconditionally.

Timid-but-manly-guy · Answer

While losing weight is healthy and should be encouraged that's not an excuse for him to cheat on you, I don't judge women by their weight, it's what's inside that counts.

Preeti161101 · Answer

I will write ✍️ easy weight loose take soon Stay connected

Anonymous · Answer

In other words he's gonna cuck you and you're OK with it. OK then.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds to me like he's going through a mid life crisis.

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