Is it okay for my mum to plan my church wedding without my approval after I already had a civil wedding?

[Chicnala]

I am in a dilemma here, i spoke to my mum yesterday and it seems she's planning another wedding ceremony for me even if I'm against it;

So I had a civil wedding two months ago (there was a real big party, everyone was invited, we even booked out an entire small hotel for this party) but my parents (especially my mum) were not happy because the wedding was not in church and there was no reverand or priest to officiate the ceremony. So she's decided that when i go visit, (I live abroad), we'll go to church and have a "church wedding" because at the moment, my marriage is not blessed by God.

So, you may be wondering, what's the big deal? The big deal is, I'm not a practicing christian and haven't been for the last 10 years. I have very different views about marriage from what the bible teached and my mum is very aware of this. I've already mentioned to her several times that I'm not willing to make vows that I don't believe just to make her (and most probably her church friends) happy. Those from the evangelical world can understand. My parents are relentless and say they are going to plan the whole wedding including a lunch thereafter for us to get the church blessing.

Now how do I put an end to this?

[andreasderjuengere]

A church is a club.

Does it hurt to participate in some club rites?

My Missus is Buddhist, and not long ago I was dragged to a temple. For the peace at home I joined, but emotionally I did not participate. So I did not ''sign a contract''.

I suggest: keep Mom happy; she won't be around forever. And as for the ''religious implications'' - that's between YOU and God only. You are free to choose.

God blesses you NOT through a church function. A typical 'wedding' is just humans' show to declare good will.

Anyhow - I further suggest to communicate this clearly with your Mom.

[Chicnala]

But i feel like that's different, in that even your wife is practicing. It's not an "outsider" that's asking you to go for this ceremony and all you have to do is show up, no vows, no words, just be there. Right?

[andreasderjuengere]

The one thing I find somewhat 'incorrect' is, that Mom was overriding your adult's right for self determination.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Let her plan it and stand her up.

It isn't okay, your wedding is valid and she's only upset you didn't give her a chance to live vicariously through you.

She's not well, but mothers often act like this around weddings if they're... Not well.

Don't give her any money for the event, don't encourage it, strongly speak against it to everyone who will listen (you'll need a village to stop your mother).

Tell her you're cancelling your vacay if she goes ahead with this, and she'll be stuck with a wedding with no bride.

Maybe she would prefer to use those as a chance for her and her husband to renew vows? If outright forcing her not to do this is impossible (it isn't, refuse to go), spinning it in that way might help.

[Bee-Hatch]

To end it is simple. Discuss the situation with your husband. Become a united front, standing together. Then tell your parents that you will not be attending this church thing because you're already married. If she continues neither of you will attend. If she lives you she will respect your feelings and wishes. And she should understand that being this way is casting a shadow on the best day of your life.


Lay it on thick and stand by your decision

[Ευδεμονια]

I think honestly she’s meddling in your business. It’s YOUR marriage, YOUR choice and YOUR day, she need YOUR approbation. She’s going to impose her religious views to you. In general they talk bad about talibans because they impose things but sometimes I think other religions have the same problem. She’s not doing anything for you, she’s only meddling in your life and imposing her view. I think sincerely this is a despicable thing to do for a parent.

[Chicnala]

As long as it's a religion, they're all the same.

[Ευδεμονια]

Radicals have no faith, every religion can be an instrument for imposition

[ChrisMaster69]

Nah just be very clear with her.

she keeps doing this, she never sees you again.

Far too controlling.

Anyone saying yes to this, I wonder how they would be if say your mum was into some weird Satan cult and she was planning that?

it does not matter what’s she planning, if you do and your husband do not want it, it does not happen.

[Anonymous]

in my opinion, no, it's not ok that someone wants to make you do something you don't want to do, even if she's your mom. You don't want it, that's it.

There are two options, you make it clear once again that you don't want that and that you won't attend no matter what happens, or, you make a sacrifice for her and make her happy.

[SaoirseS]

Just tell her it isn't happening. She can plan all she wants but you won't be attending.

[KelleyNice]

Just have a small family only wedding in a church. It shouldn't take much more than an hour and you should be willing to do that for your mother.

[Chicnala]

Nope, i am not. 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️

[KelleyNice]

Then I can't help you. If you are so bitter that you you won't even give you family an hour of your time, you need to seek professional help. People on GAG are not qualified.