Why do people stay in unfulfilling marriages?

[shaysh87]

They claim to still love their spouses very much but YET, many of these folks are stuck in chronically lonely marriages for YEARS. Some men face verbal abuse from their wives at home and need to other women to provide them therapy and affection. There are some women who are so bored with their spouses that they want to "date" someone new and exciting so they can feel "butterflies in the stomachs" again. She has no plans on divorcing her husband or cheating or having an affair. She just wants to feel excitement again.

It just boggles my mind how these people still claim to "love" their spouses when they clearly are so unfulfilled.

[Anonymous]

let's put it this way, it's easier on the wallet to stay married than to get divorced. and for some people that have been together for so long, it'll be like losing half of themselves. it's not easy and it's easier to just stay than to turn your whole life upside down.

[shaysh87]

Thats what i also thought

[Rose_84]

You're talking about marriage? People settle for less even when dating.

Most people can't move on from unfulfilling relationships so for the marriage they naturally don't want it to end.

[shaysh87]

So you're saying most people settle when it comes to partners? And that they refuse to divorce because they dont think they deserve anything better?

[Rose_84]

Yes they fear uncertainty, think that there won't be anyone better and that they'll find someone similar to their spouse so they see no point in changing the person.

[shaysh87]

I think there is also a certain level of attachment after being married to someone for so many years

[Rose_84]

Attachment is the root cause.

[Anonymous]

Divorce and therapy are almost equally costly.

Do I burn ten + years of memories to the ground because we hit a rough patch or do I battle through it.

Naturally I am talking in the context of non-abusive marriages. Which are a completely different.

[shaysh87]

Is it really worth it to stay in that rough patch when you're spending years being lonely and bored?

[Opinion Owner]

@shaysh87
That's a decision everyone has to make for themselves. Wherefore I believe that any partner that decides to leave must never return (but must pay child support in the case of total surrender od parental rights).

But moreover whose to say I won't face the same if not worse boredom and loneliness with someone else? Oh sure they may be an absolute God or Goddess in the sack but what use is that if they are terrible outside of the bedroom?

[shaysh87]

Sometimes people change in marriage. The wife who was eager to please you in the early years of marriage may never come back. Sometimes people get sick of seeing each other. Sometimes preferences may change as people get older. People evolve through the years.

I'd say that if you are still young with many years of life ahead, dont settle for a subpar marriage for the rest of your life. Being married to someone who is eager to please you and will never get sick of you is vital to a happy life. You can't just expect that every marriage will turn out the same way as the last. You can't just expect that every marriage is bound to be doomed so you might as well settle for something subpar for the rest of your life.

[shaysh87]

It really boggles my mind how some people so desperately want to stay with someone who can't make them happy. Loneliness in a marriage is a sign of severe lack of emotional connection. Going to other women for affection that you aren't getting at home is borderline cheating. Your marriage is not working, you're just looking for other women to use as a "crutch " so that it can still survive.

[Opinion Owner]

@shaysh87
Then what the fuck are you doing here, Karen?
Besides sitting on everyone's opinion.

[shaysh87]

@Gent207-2

Because your judgement is backwards.

you're gonna borderline cheat on your wife , just to stay married to her?
your wife obviously cannot fill in the position of a wife, which is why you need to turn to other women for what you are missing at home

[Chazmatazz269]

Men most certainly stay because we get destroyed in divorce court and family court routinely. What’s the difference between a wasted life and a destroyed life? The devil you know is better than the one you don’t.

[shaysh87]

Its your fault you didn't sign a prenup

[Chazmatazz269]

Not really. Prenups get voided routinely as well. It’s really just a contract between two people. The government has no responsibility to uphold such a thing.

[shaysh87]

Nobody can void your prenup. As long as your prenup fits the rules outlined then there should be no problem

[Chazmatazz269]

Hahaha! You don’t know the world you’re living in.

[shaysh87]

you sound like you're just an entitled brat who can't own up to his mistakes

[ArtemisSilver]

Well lots of people find comfort in what they know even when it's bad. The legal system in the west also tends to crucify men during divorce.

[shaysh87]

I don't think they are doing anything unfair to men.

Firstly, men don't like to marry women who make more moeny than them. If you're splitting half your assets with a woman who couldn't make any money when she was married to you for 10 years. Then thats your fault.

Secondly, its always the woman who gets custody of the kids after a divorce. You don't have to work a full time job then come home to do any child care. You are free as a bird after your 9-5 ends. Your ex wife still has to work her ass off after her 8 hour shift. why shouldn't you be paying her to all the work raising your kids?

its time men quit whining and being entitled. Your have someone raising your kid for you so that you don't need to. All you get are your lucky weekend visits where you do not need to change any diapers, do not need to deal with temper tantrums.

[ArtemisSilver]

I'm not going to debate you about why women get extra privilege under the law. I'm not even particularly interested in your self serving take on it lol

[shaysh87]

I dont think the law is unfair to men. Its just men like to complain and are entitled

[Anonymous]

Guess some people take their commitments seriously, and actually mean it when they say “till death do us part.”

[shaysh87]

I think it is because they still enjoy being with their spouses despite the fact that their spouses no longer put in the effort to please them or make them happy. 75% of the time things suck but they look forward to the 25% of the time where things feel amazing and magical. And after 10 or more years of marriage , they might have a certain level of attachment to their spouses which makes it hard to move on