Why do women these days are bothered by the "obey" word in the marriage vows?

[TonyMetal___86]

[Anonymous]

Well, if you're not Christian, and a lot of people around the world aren't, you don't ascribe to these words anyway. There was a lot written in that book that doesn't apply to modern times, and yet people still focus on it like nothing can ever change or has changed which is ridiculous. I mean if that were true we wouldn't be eating shrimp and wearing linen and wool together. A successful marriage has never been dependent on a set of words spoken once, one day at an altar.

[TonyMetal___86]

Sacred words cannot be changed and doesn't have an expiry date but if it was said normal humans than yes they can be updated!

Here i'm talking about Christians but also in the muslim religion, the woman should serve and obey the husband!
Don't know about the jews if it's the same!
Now if you're hindu or buddhist i cannot help you cause i have no clue about their beliefs...
Now if you're an atheist, than make you're rules and vows since you believe in nothing!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Because most men took that to mean their women should obey them.. but if you both said obey 🤷🏼‍♀️ and also because obey comes off like you can just order someone around and they should "obey" you.. When marriage should be a partnership and you should love, cherish, take care of, be there for one another...

[TonyMetal___86]

Someone who truly understands what the word obey means 😁
It's all about respect!
For example the spongy forehead have to obey me when i ask for muffins and if she refuses, her spongy forehead will be bitten like a muffin, she got no choice 😬😬

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You know where you can stick those muffins, right🙂

[TonyMetal___86]

Nope i don't cause it's dark, the sun doesn't shine in here SPONGE 🤣🤣
You brag as much as you want, in the end i'll eat these freshly baked muffins and they better be enough so i don't bite your spongy forehead 😬😬

[NathanDavis]

a true man does not need to dig up a centuries old quote to demand respect from anybody...

a true man and partners inspires devotion and loyalty in many ways because of his worth and often comes reciprocated, not demanded...

[TonyMetal___86]

I agree, but what's wrong if these words were said in your marriage ceremony?

[NathanDavis]

and what is wrong with these words not being part of anybody's ceremony

I have never seen them, never heard of them, anywhere...

and maybe the reason is because the weddings I go to are for real men

and real, true men do not need to someone to "obey" them... that kind of talk is left for the weak men, and I just don't go to their weddings

like I already said, reciprocation in devotion and respect is what grown ups do... that's what is right and better... for better men, and women

if you need an "obey me" clause that is because you are not worth the best, the only thing you have left is to demand it and then expect someone agrees to it and perhaps that's why these words died out centuries ago

[TonyMetal___86]

Well a christian man cannot write or erase what suits him the best, it is what it is, these words have meanings but it's up to the couple if they believe in it or not...

Also the man doesn't have to be weak or strong to use these words cause these words came up from respect and for sure an unworthy husband won't be respected...

[NathanDavis]

I will assume you believe these words, so... how many times have you been married

or how many women have you found that do think you are worth or have any value to them...

did you have these vows are your wedding?

[TonyMetal___86]

I did have them in my wedding, i only had one woman (wife), but i'm not married anymore...

[NathanDavis]

I see... you divorced?

isn't that then a failure to sacred vows you promised to god in the first place?

also failed to your wife? or what happened there?

[TonyMetal___86]

You made some fast snd wrong assumptions about me, who told you that i failed and that i broke my promises, i'm glad cause i'm not the one who did these...

It's a long story, you can't make things work in a marriage if your other half have changed and wouldn't want to continue anymore, also changed her views and beliefs...

[NathanDavis]

let me correct you there...

they were questions, that is why I used question marks like these?

so, in other words... you either chose your partner very wrongly or you just didn't inspire the worth or loyalty, right?

you were not worth for them to bother with you... probably prefer better

because like I said, better men could inspire much better in other people

but those that are not the worth, well... they end up bitter and alone, and divorced, it happens

[TonyMetal___86]

That's not always the case, we do not live in a utopian world...
You can't blame yourself for the failure of others, sometimes it might be you or your other half or both...
There is no specific rule which says if you're alone now it's because you're a failure, maybe i'm a hero because i decided to live in my integrity... etc

People change over time, nothing in this life is 100%, guarantee and that's one of the biggest life lesson i learned...

[NathanDavis]

was it a long marriage? did you marry very young?

because, good people, great people hardly ever turn bad over time... they usually get better, like wine

so, something must have happened there... either you picked someone that wasn't good, or you were just not worth the bother and she decided to get better

[TonyMetal___86]

Got married at the age of 20, remained married for 9 years, seperated for 6 years and divorced from 2 years

[TonyMetal___86]

She was 17 when i married her

[NathanDavis]

oh... that explains a lot

[TonyMetal___86]

Maybe yes and maybe no... some people mature with age and some people act like kids when they grow older...

Life has it's ups and downs, maybe you chose not to surrender and fight to keep on going but she chose to stop and leave...

You never know what the future is holding for you...

[NathanDavis]

she probably realized that there's much better out there

[TonyMetal___86]

She's still single hehe and your talking as if i'm someone bad or ain't worth! Who told you that she went from the bad to find the better, maybe she went from the best to find the worst 😏

[NathanDavis]

if you were both worth and better...

reality would reflect that

and that is why you did not say it with conviction

you said "maybe" that's hesitation... a true men would not hesitate about their worth

anyway, after that failure of your sacred vows before god... how many other women have you made happy and made you happy as well?

did you remarry? had girlfriends? or none of that yet?

[TonyMetal___86]

None, i only seek for serious relationships...
Tbh i'm not making an effort anymore to find one because whenever i remember the past, i feel like it's enough, don't know what god is planning for my future...
I live day to day...

[NathanDavis]

thought so...

insecurity, lack of confidence...

no self worth, no ability to grow up or overcome adversity, it does happen

well, good luck with that one

[USLegionary]

Because women today want all the benefits a traditional christian marraige offers without any of the responsibility or effort on their part.

[TonyMetal___86]

The corrupt women are like that, the ones who were infected by feminism!

[Guy13]

The Word of God underpins this and He is the one who created you and Family. He can bring you in and take you out,

[JosyJosy]

"O-OBEY? Not obey!! Obey... Goodness me. GOD HELP US ALL!!"

No eh if we look at it from a negative toxic point of view, one could say that the man goes "You make a sandwich with your left hand, clean with your right while I take you from behind, all on commannnnd!"

But come now, it's not like that. You're a team working together, supporting eachother. Let's not take it too literally.

[TonyMetal___86]

Well said smart miss josy 😌

[Anonymous]

Those vows are outdated and old-fashioned, and you don't have to use them anyway. We wrote our own vows when we were married.

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks for sharing, but why do you think that it's outdated? These words are sacred and will never be outdated, just because a bunch of women doesn't like them, it doesn't mean that they are outdated...

What were you're vows?

[SaoirseS]

Why be bothered about something that isn’t used anymore, and hasn’t been used for ages?

[TonyMetal___86]

Who told you so? It's still used and these words are sacred, cannot be eliminated but it's up to you if you believe in it or not...

[SaoirseS]

Attending plenty of weddings tells me so. There’s nothing sacred about the verbiage in wedding vows. If it doesn’t affect you, don’t worry about it. It’s nobody’s business but each couples.

[TonyMetal___86]

True, the couple can choose if they want to follow it or not...
I'd like to know what's wrong if you obey your husband? You're a girl, why does it bothers you?

[SaoirseS]

It doesn’t bother me because my husband and I live in modern times.

[TonyMetal___86]

Good, well if you're happy with your husband than good for you but personally i see nothing wrong with these words and a respectful wife would obey her husband ofc if he's a good one...

[SaoirseS]

A respectful couple knows how to say please and thank you, and respects each other. If your wife or prospective wife wants to enter into a marriage in which she promises to “obey” you, that’s entirely your business Reb Tevye.

[TonyMetal___86]

A woman who will obey me will never be disappointed...
Anyways who's reb tevye? 🤔

[SaoirseS]

Have you ever seen Fiddler on the Roof?

[TonyMetal___86]

Nope i googled it and saw that it's an old movie about a poor milkman who lives in russian and is jewish i think...
He is the head of the family... bla bla bla

Anyways why have you mentioned it? Is it related? Also that's good for a 24 year old girl to know about a movie made in 1964 😄