How can you bring up the topic about not liking the male friend of your husband?

[Anonymous]

My husband have a male friend who I have not ever met since we got together have asked him recently for a catch up.

He texted my husband the other day and I happened to be using my husband phone at the time. He text was “Let’s catch up for a beer and invited him to techno trance party to get a cap. I was wondering what does cap mean so I asked my males friends about it. They told me it’s a drug and when I found out, I definitely did not like it. We already have been having a problem about it in the past and have communicated him already my thoughts in regards to that topic.

I am not sure if I should agree with him going out this time because he has already done it in the past where he had a boys night which I suggested to him but he used the illegal substance without telling me and I ended up finding it out later. I also really don’t like about this friend of him after finding out. I don’t know how to bring it up without having to come like I’m controlling him.

[Summeroflove]

You need to be open and honest about your feelings. If you don’t want to do something. You’re a grown woman and can say no. I wouldn’t be doing drugs either.

If he wants to be friends with him. That’s fine. But you don’t have to be around him either.

You need to communicate with your husband about how you think and feel about stuff like this.

[Moose304]

I was reading another comment about trust. Gosh, I could write a book on the importance of trust and what happens when trust is lost. It doesn't matter if the relationship is a marriage or a business partnership. If you can't trust your partner there are deeper problems than just a possible toxic friend. In this situation speak to your husband but please don't use passive-aggressive words in doing so. Also, I would have asked the husband what a "cap" was and segue that question into letting him know your concerns but make it clear you trust him. I would be remiss if I did not add this last point. Two of the largest reasons for divorce in the western world are money and the fallout from toxic friends. To repeat, if you can't trust the husband your marriage is basically doomed anyway! Sorry, sometimes the truth stinks.

[pewter_moon]

Think really hard about what you want. He’s going to keep doing this. Do you want to live with it or find someone who doesn’t do the occasional night out with substances.

[fantasticass]

Are you sure it's a male friend? What if it was a woman. You have never met this person, and this person is causing problems. I think it's a woman, not a guy at all.

[coachTanthony]

If you can't trust your husband not to use drugs then maybe that is the issue and not his friend.

[Nominal]

Best answer.

[coachTanthony]

@Nominal Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Listen to me now. This “new friend” is going to make a lot of issues for this relationship. A real man doesn’t allow things like this to fuck up his marriage. I was doing a lot of shit to make money when I was younger and hung out with many bad dudes. But as soon as I got married I let all that shit go and cut many people out of my life. Because that’s what a man does. He sets an example for his kids and he protects his wife and marriage.

[Jamie05rhs]

Do Not let him see this guy. This is an absolute deal-breaker. I would put my foot down. I would say, either you agree to zero contact with this individual, or you LEAVE. Period.

[boggboss]

All u can do is vocalise your issue and go from there

[DiegoO]

If you can't trust your husband, that's the end of everything, because everything that makes a relationship work, is trust.

[Luckycharms12]

Be open and honest