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I believe it is unreasonable on his part. However I CAN see the other side. It’s possible you’ve given him a reason not to trust that these are just friends or it’s possible he was hurt in a previous relationship when it turned out this friend wasn’t just a friend.
If it’s the second one though then that’s pretty shitty on his part and I would suggest you talk to him about it and make him understand you’re not the same people.
I do not think it is unreasonable for him to say, “I don’t really trust him and I’d really prefer you weren’t friends with Larry”, I think that’s more than fair and you should at least take his feelings into consideration. For him to say no male friends, that’s a bit too far for me. You’re less wife more child then. No boyfriend of mine will ever again tell me who I can or cannot be friends with, if he does he will find out real fast how badly he overstepped.
Again, sharing feelings and making requests is one thing but to make demands, no. You’re a adult and you make your own choices. That’s way too far in my opinion
He sounds insecure and borderline controlling. Nip this in the bud now before you’re not allowed to have any friends.
I may be overreacting based on my past but this isn’t someone I’d stay with unless his attitude changed.
Oh here we go with the same buzz word shaming tactics. Look there are more than enough stories that start out "he is just a friend" only for the spouse or boyfriend to find out his partner has been smashing that "friend" like they are dogs in heat.
Can you have friends that are opposite gendered? Absolutely but that person needs to be able to set firm clear boundaries. We do not have enough information to make a clear judgement here. Unfortunately her boyfriend is correct in that the LARGE majority of time these "friends" are only acting like friends until they find the opportunity to cross that boundary then suddenly his girl is in front of him crying begging to be forgive because "she was confused" or "it was a drunken mistake" or " it just happened!!"
In these cases she is absolutely in her right to seek out these friends, but if he feels she is disrespecting him or the relationship then he has his own choice to make and he can choose to walk away and end the relationship.
If he doesn't have girl friends then it's not unreasonable. Maybe he's the type of guy that, once he find the girl he wants to be with, he doesn't want to make anymore friendships from the opposite sex, just to avoid the possibility of catching feelings for someone.
But if he does have friends of the opposite sex and still wants you not to do the same, then yes, he's being not only unreasonable but controlling as well
Also if he agreed to marry u knowing you have male friends that's also unreasonable.
It's not the way I roll. I never thought it wise to be controlling that way, because even if you can forbid some girl from having guy friends (or vice versa with a boyfriend), what are you supposed to do when you're not there? Lock them up in the basement?
Loyalty is something to inspire as I see it. I'd rather try to inspire loyalty towards me rather than try to deprive my partner of all possible temptations that would challenge their loyalty. Otherwise I feel like I'm being a tyrannical dictator, and I'd rather be a benevolent leader.
With my wife, she has her share of close male friends (including some good-looking ones, I guess). And I have my share of close female friends (including some very pretty ones). But we trust each enough not to think that's going to lead to cheating or something like that. I even go for dinners with my female friends sometimes, and my wife doesn't mind. And I don't mind if she goes to dinner with one of her male friends.
That said, I have known some girls, including an ex, who seem to love controlling guys. I had a very close ex (former fiance) who ended up marrying a very controlling police officer who doesn't let her out at night after 9PM and does not allow her to have any guy friends (she could barely even talk to me when we hung out because she was worried about her husband finding out). But she said she loved that and that he reminded her of her father. So for some bizarre (and in my mind, fucked up) reason, some girls really dig the controlling type of guy. I refuse to become one of them though.
u It doesn't matter whether he is being unreasonable. If that is how he feels, you should be trying to accommodate him, even if others think that it is unreasonable, because. . . you probably want him to accommodate in some ways that others think are unnecessary or unreasonable. That is what you do in a relationship; you try to accept each other as you are. What you want to do is insist that he change for your convenience and you can try that, but it probably won't work.
Why was this issue not resolved before you got married?
He started being this way shortly after we got married after I started a new job
Was there any opportunity for this issue to be addressed before you got married?
Other than this, is he placing any other new expectations on you?
RESPONSE TO UPDATE: "male friends usually have ulterior motives" Does that mean that he has ulterior motives towards other females?
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I don’t see why you’d need a male friend. I only talk and want to spend time with a guy if I like him or want something with him. I don’t need male friends because ultimately I want my partner to be that male input and presence in my life, not some other guy. That being said, I don’t think one should shy away from small talk or conversations with a guy, I can have acquaintances but I’m never gonna have a male friend unless I’m trying to seek something with him. So I find it reasonable, unless he’s jealous and just doesn’t want you even saying hi to a guy, that’s just crazy!
He has a good point.
If you have a meaningful, open and endless dialogue with your husband, what could you possibly gain from male companions? Nothing, I think. Of course, the same goes for him. He shouldn't have any female friends if that's truly his stance on the matter. Some questions need to be answered to know what's up, exactly. Has he been cheated on by a woman with lots of "male friends"? Have you ever cheated, on him or anyone else?
Obviously he's being unreasonable if he has lady friends but doesn't like you having guy pals. If he's walking the walk and not just talking the talk, that's not really unreasonable. It's also not unreasonable for him to attempt to protect himself from more and further heartbreak. Based only on what you've offered, his behavior is widely considered "controlling," and worth further examination for dysfunction. But any examination that doesn't extend to cause and effect would be grossly incomplete and almost entirely ineffective.
I usually hear this the other way around. Most girls I know don't want their husband or boyfriends to have female friends. As a guy I would like to think that friends with the other sex can be just friends. Though I understand that it is difficult for some people to keep it as just friends. I guess is the same just coming from the male perspective.
Unfortunately I do not know what the right answer is to this. Though from experience, it may not matter--as your friends marry and start their own families, those friends will become more and more distant.
I think it's unreasonable. One of my best friends is a guy and I love him to death. Except he is like a brother to me, I could never love him like I do my boyfriend. I also found in highschool that I preferred hanging out with guys cause i found them more entertaining.
I have also found one of his good friends to be a good friend of mine. This guy is like part of my family (knew him when i was a kid, didn't see him for years until two weekends ago) and I can homestly say i can talk to him about anything.
You should be allowed to have male friends so long as you are not messing with them and they are not trying to make a move on you. I would only understand if your male friend was constantly trying to get in your pants
I have never had friends, friends from the opposite sex. We can talk yes but I never had a male friend that is just mine after i grew up. And I am only 21. I am in a comitted relationship. All the grown Ups I know lol, in their 40s and with a family don’t have any male friends either, or friends of the opposite sex that is only theirs and not a mutual friend or just an person you know little. I think it is normal
To not keep close friends that you often text and meet up woth alone when in a relationship if they are from the other sex. I think though it is unreasonable of him to demand it of you, that is not a good sign and he should not try to control you but he should trust you. If he just said it makes him feel little insecure but he trusts you that would be much better because any feeling is ok, so as long as he can expeess them in a good way and not be controlling.
Are you hanging out with your male friends or are they like co workers/ friends you may see out in town and will talk to?
I have male friends but I never hang out with them. Most are former co workers and we stop and talk when we see each other out and about. Most are married with kids and I know their wives/ girlfriends.
It´s totally unreasonable. His message to you is he doesn´t trust you. You should not put up with it. If you do he may gradually decrease your freedom until he doesn´t accept you going anywhere or meeting anyone without him. He is trying to control you and doesn´t trust you.
Not at all. You have no reason to have any male friends. You shouldn't be with any male "friends" without him being there. Same with men and women "friends". Because they are not "Friends" . They are only friendly. Every one of them, if straight, has a fantasy that includes you in their mind somewhere.
Sounds like he is the one with trust issues. It is unreasonable, maybe communicate to him why its un reasonable. Funny thing is women can be attracted to you too... and what about men who prefer men. His argument isn't sound when he says they have "ulterior motives" its not proven until a male friend openly says their interested in you.
i think he may not see the point because he may only see women as potential romantic partners rather than platonic friends. i think it is unreasonable to think, especially in 2018, that boys can only be friends with boys and girls can only be friends with girls
Sounds like a good marriage boundary.
No need for you to be texting or hanging out alone and spending lots of time with other men.
Be single if you need attention and validation from other guys.
Otherwise, worry about having a strong marriage and honoring your husband, marriage and taking care of your responsibilities.
You sounds like you want to get the best of both worlds and to have a marriage but then act single some of the time too.
Yes. Does he have female friends? Does he have guy friends? He's being way too controlling. You can talk to you guy friends about things going on in you relationship with your SO. I had a girl friend like that once. She talked to me about her boyfriend. And I was able to give her a male's perspective. She appreciated it.
You could also ask your guy friends to talk to him. I did that once. I was really good friends with a girl for years. And I sensed there was some tension between me and her boyfriend. So I spoke to him about it. I was like, "Look. She and I have been friends for years. If something was gonna happen between us, it would have by now." He actually thanked me for being so forward and honest.
... No.
And tell him to read this:
People-- Your Personal Insecurities Are Not Someone Else's Problem or Fault ↗
Oh sorry, I read your question as "Is he being reasonable," not is he being UNreasonable. Yes, he is being unreasonable.
If you haven't committed adultery and you don't have a wandering eye, I don't see why you can't have male friends. While some men may have ulterior motives (which wouldn't make them good friends to begin with), not all men do. I'd suggest you two sit down with either a pastor or a marriage counselor. He apparently doesn't trust your commitment to the marriage for some reason.
Not at all. Very reasonable actually, unless he has GFs of his own of course. If you don't like that, either leave him or he'll leave you. It's more so a compatibility issue than an insecurity issue. I doubt you wouldn't mind if you were in his place watching him hang out with his GFs, let alone attractive GFs lol. Not to mention if you didn't have any BFs of your own.
Thats pretty ridiculous. Not every male who talks to and is friends with a woman has alterior motives. Plus its nice to get away from one scene of all females every once in a while it can get tiring sometimes
yes he is being unreasonable, you had male friends before he came on the scene?
then how would he like it if you said he wasn't allowed friends?
same difference... he needs to grow up and start acting reasonably
Opposite sex friends are awesome until they’re not friends. Or one or both have feelings. When that happens things get weird. And painful. Been there. It rocked my marriage and changed my perspective on male-female friendships
Yes his being unreasonable. There is nothing wrong in having friends with both genders. If that's the case he shouldn't have male friends either because they might be into you. See that sounds ridiculous. It's called being equal 50 and 50.
Yes, I think he is being unreasonable and overly controlling. It shows that he doesn't trust you to be able to tell if your male friends are trying to get in your pants or not.
no. if that's the case, you shouldn't allow him to have any female friends. if he's gonna be with a woman, he has to realize that them having male friends is not up to them. thats being controlling
sorry! i read "reasonable" .
yes that is unreasonable
I mean but I would think that there's enough trust in the relationship as to where each party can have opposite gender friends
That's insecure, if you've never given him any reason not to trust you.
When you're in love with a beautiful woman, it's hard
Everybody wants her, everybody loves her
Everybody wants to take your baby home
He trusts you, he doesn't trust other men.
My ex did that to me. Said while we were together I couldn’t have any female friends and made me go through my Facebook friends list at the time and unfriend all of the girls who aren’t family members or herself.
She claimed she didn’t have any friends
Tell us why you NEED male friends.
The whole friendship thing is different for men than it is for women. Men are sexually motivated, they don't just be friends for fun. Perhaps you have something to learn about men and friendships.
@Asad1ONE1 Are you 34 or 14? LOL
Id say its a bit unreasonable. He should trust you to have boundaries with your friends in my opinion, even if the guy does have other motives.
To me it's an issue of trust in you for your husband or fear you might find someone better, mind I'm not trying to bash your husband I'm sure he is a fine man. It's just possible issues
You married the wrong guy to call him your husband.
Be safe and aim to divorce this someone, who controls and manipulates you into misery because of his own insecurities.
@Asad1ONE1 well if certain humans want to isolate themselves (and isolate their spouse too from others), then yeah, it is a compatibility issue.
@Asad1ONE1 it is my duty to stay away from such toxic organic trash.
I refuse to consign on the regard of my present absence.
If he's willing to do the same, then he can ask that. Also he has to devote all of his attention to you.
You may have male friends, but it depends on what kind of these guys also. I wouldn't let my wife to go to a bar with his any "male" friend.
He is right: men are not your friends!
Those guys want to smash and he is doing the right thing by keeping you away from them.
He is either insecure or just really smart. Not all but a lot of women with male friends are cheaters.
Would you like it if your man had a lot of female friends?
Was this part of your agreement before marriage? If so, why would you break it? If not, he's insane
Sounds unreasonable to me. Many men will have ulterior motives for being friendly, you can tell them to get lost. If they won't, being friends with them probably isn't a good idea anyway.
Ask him if he has any female friends or not. If he has then why shouldn't you.
And if he has no female friends - then I guess he's not much of social person. A conservative one.
He wants u to suicide that's y? Suicide then tell him to fuck it.
Yes. Weither it's him being controlling or that he married you knowing that's not what he wants.
I get where he is coming from, but it's not a realistic thing to ask of your partner.
Just curious. Why do you think it’s unrealistic?
He is asking her to not associate with half of the world's population. It just seems excessive
Nice answer
This is not reasonable. It implies he doesn't trust you.
If you're a grown ass adult. Then yes you can have friends of both sexes. Those who say no. Are immature and selfish. Oh and very insecure.
Not unreaaonable if you have a history and he knows it and same goes for him. Really depends on the situation.
Yes he is. And unless he's already done a number on you, you knew this already.
extremely unreasonable he has way past the line of a control freak! lol
Yes very. Unless you also said he can't have girl friends
Simple answer... YES!
Have you said or implyed he shouldn't have any female friends?
Early on in our relationship , I asked him his female friend was sending him random texts but that was at least 8 years ago. We have grown & matured
It is insecurity, and its taken to more of the extreme. But some men do have ulterior motives but others do not
he might be afraid that you will cheat on him , why do you want a male friend anyways
He's a little jealous and scared you might find the other guys more attractive or he's a butt
He is being unreasonable. I did the same thing because I was insecure.
That's very controlling and unjust. I don't even need to explain.
in my opinion, he's being controlling.
I mean, think about it. Would you want him having female friends, especially prettier ones?
it does seem a bit unreasonable
That’s insanely controlling
Yes, its unreasonable. Everyone else covered why.
Jealousy and insecurity on his part
How does that make you feel?
Yes because he doesn't trust u
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