This shouldn't take too long, and it's mainly about romantic relationships, not family problems necessarily.
It also apparently (and sadly) needs to be said, judging by some plebeian comments I often see on GaG (i.e., "not all girl/guys are the same! how dare you generalize even though I myself do it all the time!"), that when speaking about generalities and generalizations, we are talking about the overwhelming majority of whatever you're speaking about, not. literally. each. and. every. single. person. on. the. face. of. the. Earth. There will always be exceptions to ANY rule when speaking about sociological matters. However! in many cases, they are outliers. An exception is NOT the rule, or disproof of the rule. If a Bell Curve of people, 66-70% or so think a thing, then we can comfortably say that "most people think X thing." I'm surprised that needs to be said, but apparently a lot of people out there have never taken any statistics or sociology courses.
Are we ready now? Okay then.
So something I've noticed during my time here on GaG, and just in general,
is that there is much talk of "insecurity." Emotional insecurity-- self-doubt, a lack of self-validation, and just generally feeling like you suck. I also have noticed that almost to a tee, almost no one who wraps themselves in the virginal white vestment of the Moral High Ground based on their emotional or physical insecurities EVER thinks anything is their fault. It's not THEIR fault that they have these feelings of self-doubt and anxiety based on their lack of a relationship or their excess body weight or their refusal to just try to generally understand the world around them... it's someone else's fault.
It sucks to feel like you suck, right? No one wants that, and giving people positive backup is good, right? But I also see a whole lot of vitriol (http://www.dictionary.com/) concerning people who reject another person, for reasons that are THAT person's fault, not the person who rejected them.
EXAMPLES: Dude and girl meet, like each other, find each other physically attractive, go out, etc., normal behavior. But then! dude gradually changes in the form of putting on lots of fat and weight, and doesn't much feel like doing a whole lot about it other than eating fucking chalupa gorditas or whatever, complaining, and going to the gym once a month. When girl gradually is no longer attracted to him physically, he cries out to his bros that SHE'S a bitch and a gold-digger, even though he was the one who changed and gained thirty pounds.
OTHER EXAMPLES: Dude and girl meet, like each other, find each other physically attractive, etc., normal behavior. But then! girl quits her barista job or whatever because she doesn't like it anymore and her manager's a bitch, but then proceeds to not exactly look very hard for another job and the dude has to pay for everything. When he gradually is no longer okay with that or attracted to her apathy, she cries out on her Kikchatwhatsagram that HE'S the asshole, even though she was the one who changed and won't support herself.
Folks... stop. It's stupid.
What's even more bullshit is that tards on *this very site* back these people up! Especially if that person is a girl, because girls get more online attention/validation in general. Stop! Stop backing them up! Stop telling them that there's nothing wrong with them and they're still great as they are! Stop blaming the OTHER person as a dickbag for leaving them when the first person is the one who changed! Stop saying low-brow hackish crap like "Derp I guess that means the relationship WASN'T REAL (whatever the fuck that even means) in the first place."
Because you know what people say then as backup? Especially if she's a girl? They say stuff like "Well, you have to understand that she/he's just feeling a little insecure right now" as though that justifies it. Folks-- depression and anxiety are real emotions, and people have them, and that's valid and sometimes people deserve the benefit of the doubt,
*BUT!*
that does not mean that just because you feel really, really sad or anxious in general as a person, because of your own self-criticism, that someone ELSE sucks for not wanting to be around you. How about you actually step up your game and improve yourself? It means that someone in a relationship with you will hopefully try to help you along because they care about you... but also where's the line? For how long? What, their whole entire life? You really expect that from them just because they call you "girlfriend" or "boyfriend?" Then that's your problem, not theirs. You do not *own* the other person you're in a relationship or marriage with. That's not a relationship.
If YOU change and THEY leave, stop blaming them. Find a mirror. They don't owe you love or sex or affection just for existing. Doesn't mean you suck, it just means that they don't suck either.
Thanks for reading. Hugs and kisses. #insecurities
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