Is having a baby before marriage a good idea for women?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

Other

[Haha456]

Im having a baby regardless if I can find a husband or not. I feel like exercising the right to have children should not be dependent upon whether or not someone can find romance. Being able to give life should be seen as a gift, not a mistake.

[Apple1996]

Yess gotta see if the guy is a good dad before locking it down

[Asker]

interesting take

[Apple1996]

Yeah I'm speaking from experience. Having a baby changes a man and its impossible to tell before having the baby weather he's gonna step up or not.

[Asker]

I sort of think you would tend to be stuck with that man whether or not he's a good father after the children but maybe not. I haven't really tested the dating market to see how many guys out there wanna be step fathers.

[Apple1996]

a lot of couples break up once a baby is in the picture cuz of all the stress. So nah no one is stuck unless they are stupid and want to stay with a shitty dad.

[Apple1996]

I had the opposite happen where he didn't want to be supportive during my pregnancy and I planned on doing it alone but then once the baby was born he completely changed and decided to step up

[Adam1978]

Doesn't matter, they need to find a guy that commit. Marriage isn't necessary for that. But they should really do that before sex, not just before kids.

[Haha456]

You can't commit if you won't want to get married. Talk about commitment is nothing if you can't prove it. Marriage is the ultimate seal of commitment

[Adam1978]

No it's not. It's a way to reward breaking the oath. Aslong as no default divorce exist. Giving commitment should not be one sided. Breaking it should be punished, not rewarded.

[Haha456]

saying "marriage is just a piece of paper" is a man's way of getting the full benefits of marriage without ever making a full commitment

[Adam1978]

What benefits? Marriage only give women benefits, nothing is given to men. So no wonder why men stop signing that paper.

[Haha456]

Married men live longer; married women, not so much: Study
torontosun.com/.../married-men-live-longer-married-women-not-so-much-study

[Haha456]

Statistics on marriage and health show that married men are healthier than unmarried or divorced men, and are also more likely to live longer.

www.health.harvard.edu/.../marriage-and-mens-health

[Haha456]

lastly, very few women are willing to have kids with a man who won't marry them. women want marriage. there's not a very likely chance you will ever see kids if you won't marry her.

[Adam1978]

Health has nothing to do with marriage but sharing home, ie not living alone. And the whole kid thing is cultural and not valid where I live. Almost everyone marry after having kids these days if at all.

[Haha456]

@Adam1978

Married men I've longer cuz they have someone to talk to hug, do things with. It eases stress and loneliness. They also tend to have someone take care of him

[Haha456]

[Almost everyone marry after having kids these days if at all.]

Most people want to marry BEFORE kids. Most women dont want a man who doesn't want marriage

[Adam1978]

Again stuck in your own views, in sweden we are not religious so marriage has little value. So your fact doesn't mirror our women. Most couple just live together without marriage and has done so the last few generations. The laws are basically the same between co-living and being married. So no point to involve either the church or the state in your private affairs.

[Avicenna]

Well, women shouldn't have kids outside of a stable relationship unless they prefer to be a single mom, something I do not recommend.

[Nikki1989]

You don't need to be married to have a child.

[Asker]

true but most be would say its easier with two people

[Haha456]

@Asker

ideally two people is better. but sometimes there is no guarantee that you will find this other person throughout your lifetime. will that mean you will never get to enjoy children? life is not a fairy tale. It is not perfect.

[XXblack88]

I think it depends on how long the woman has been in a relationship for. I personally think it's stupid to be having a baby with someone you only been in a relationship with for 6 months or less.

[desidoll]

A big no. That’s a horrible idea to end up as a single mum. I won’t get pregnant until the guy marry me.

[TaureanBull81]

I don't think anyone here can tell a woman when it's the right time to have a child regardless of whether they are married or not.

In my opinion, if a woman wants a child then why not try 🤷‍♂️

[Justmeagain1]

Nothing prepares you for changes that happen in relationships after a child. If I had my time again I’d tell myself don’t do it.

[Asker]

what changes?

[Justmeagain1]

Life looks different in general. Priorities change - they back flip on you. For me i wished I was told that every ounce of your self worth will be self measured by how you provide care to that infant and to your partner for a period of time, that your relationship needs to be stronger then any thing you have endured before. You have limited time and energy for self care let alone showing physical intimacy to another grown human. That every spare bit of cash you earn or have will be directed to someone else that relies on you to provide something. It’s not wrong to want a family before marriage, it’s not right it just wasn’t right for me. Being in a marriage also does not automatically make everything unbreakable.

[Haha456]

@Justmeagain1

having a kid with an irresponsible man is the same as having a child as a single mom. Sometimes even worse.

[Anonymous]

No I don’t. If she’s willing to give him a baby before marriage there’s no reason for him to marry her after if she’s basically giving him everything he wants w out commitment.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

If you aren't sure about the man, NEVER. And never would I suggest it to anyone. Just because others were happy about it doesn't mean it'll work out for everyone. :)

[imawfulatusernames]

It entirely depends on if she even wants to get married and loads of other factors tbh it’s not a black and white question

[Anemone978]

I would never have a kid with a guy who wouldn't marry me..

[darline19]

I don't want to be a single mom lmao

[Asker]

I wouldn't wanna be a single mom out there either

[Haha456]

single motherhood is only doable for rich women, not poor women.

[Raaj4you]

If you don't believe in marriage, a couple can still make babies. If a man and a woman don't believe in marriage they can go for live in relationship without being single.

[Jazzy54]

Personally, I want be married before having children.

[David4358]

if they want to get married that makes it much harder, most guys dont want to raise someone elses child

[Anonymous]

Not really, just that if they are married then they would have insurance to cover it from the father and his last name but you don’t need to be married to have kids

[LazerBean]

No, it's a terrible idea.

[gag37627]

You are different than most of the old members

[LazerBean]

Thanks lol

[Miristheiss]

NO!!!

[Cubus]

No, he may leave you then.