Is there anything wrong with having kids before marriage?

[Anonymous]

[OneViewpoint]

Depends... is it planned or unplanned?

• If it's planned and the commitment to each other is already discussed and decided, and the marriage ceremony is just ticking the box, an afterthought, then having kids before marriage is fine. But few people are that grounded and secure in their future together.
• If the kid is unplanned, there has been no conversation and/or agreement on having a family, then the potential for either the man or the woman to feel they are either trapped or settling for convenience is high. After that sets in, it's only a short hop to resentment and disrespect. And one more step to cheating or divorce or both.

The decision to have kids is the most serious decision most people will ever make. Choose carefully. Don't fuck it up. Your decisions can create ripples in lives for generations.

[slatyb]

No, there isn't. It's wrong to have children that you don't plan to support.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

According to puritan standards, yes. Puritans don’t allow people to have procreative sex before marriage as it’s a sin against god, so having kids before marriage is something of a triple-whammy because it means:
A) you are having sex for the purpose of pleasure, not procreation, which is a sin.
B) You had children outside of marriage, meaning you procreated outside the approval of God, which is a sin.
C) As an unmarried woman who now has children with a man who did not marry you, you are now branded a sinner/whore/slut for life and will be excommunicated from puritan communities.


Amazing how much influence they still hold in our social lives, isn’t it?

[jennifer_bloom]

Children are valuable regardless of the year or situation they are born into, but the bible says a stable family is the morally necessary way to bring children into the world.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having kids before marriage.

What matters isn’t the sequence, it’s the stability, intention, and maturity behind the choices.

Some people build strong families without ever signing papers.

Some get married first and still fall apart.

Life isn’t linear, and love doesn’t always follow a checklist.

But there *are* practical realities,

Raising a child requires emotional and financial teamwork , the relationship needs to be steady, not accidental
both parents should be aligned about commitment and responsibility

If those pieces are solid, the timeline is just a detail.

What matters most is the environment the child grows up in, not the order in which the adults chose to do things.

[RingOfFire]

To see the answer to this question just look at real life:

Here is the percentage of out-of-wedlock births in the United States by race.

Non-Hispanic Black: 69.3%
American Indian/Alaska Native: 59.3%
Hispanic: 41.6%
Non-Hispanic White: 21.9%
Asian/Pacific Islander: 15.6%

Which of these groups is more likely to have children who become independent and successful? It all starts with the parenting.

Children in a two parent home with a mother and a father are far more likely to succeed in life than single parent children. This isn't a function of society, it's a function of nature. Children need to different strengths of both a male and a female parent to become the best they can be. Each parent has a different role in creating a strong family unit which is the building block of a successful life and a successful society.

[art84]

My brother had two sons with his girlfriend and his girlfriend didn't want to get married. Didn't work out for him after 5 years together. He met another girl at his work and they had a daughter together. They had a second daughter and finally got married. After five years his wife cheated and left behind his sons and him. In both cases I am not sure if getting married before having children would have made a difference. Both women were lazy though least my brother would have seen the type of women he was possibly marrying.

[exitseven]

Yes, it is a lot harder to get child support for the kid when the relationship sours. It is also bad f=to have kids grow up in single parent households. They are less likely to do well in school and more likely to wind up in prison. Having a kid is a lot different than having a pet cat.

[Gwendoline]

I think its better to raise kids in a two parent home inside a committed marraige.

[TonyMetal___86]

Well said!

[Xalooo]

@TonyMetal___86 You're such a beautiful slut 🤣

[Xalooo]

I wrote it incorrectly

[Anonymous]

It is cart before the horse. It's not the end of the world. There've been a lot of people who got pregnant and then got married in response. And a lot of people who went on from. There to lead good lives and raise good kids. But ideally it's best to get married first. It's OK as long as you took the time to properly vet your partner before jumping in to bed with them. If you didn't, then you kinda reap what you sowed.

[PeachyPie93]

Not really but there's a higher chance you will end up a single parent if you aren't married since it is much harder to walk away when you are cuffed to each other..

[Noredcarpet]

No it is not. I understand it from a perspective of clarity, safety but these days we got alternative ways that too work. The guys I've been involved with have all been telling me this is what they want for our future, wedding

[AMS700CX4u2]

I have known folks that never got married had children and sent two to college. A formal ceremony was never necessary. They are two strong people that just never let peer pressure enter into the situation. Very independent

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

You can't think of ethics floating over the cosmos. This is the thing we are in now. What is the way you want kids to be raised? What is the way you want your parents to be as a kid? Married parents or not?

[TonyMetal___86]

Personally i think that it's yes!
Like how come having kids without a marriage? Where's the family? Where's the sacred bond? Where's the legal documents? Also who is he to you and who are you to him, if you're not a husband and a wife!!

[fishcake_buttie]

Two people becoming one person IS THE MARRIAGE. When that person is born, the couple are married to each other and people should think harder about the future together BEFORE intercourse!

[Anonymous]

No.

It is wrong to have children and not to raise them together - planned before you become pregnant and you dont love your partner

[Miristheiss]

YES!!!

But I am guessing you think fucking around, risking disease and pregnancy without a husband is ok and normal.

As long as you want to do it that makes it ok.

[WhitneySnow]

I wouldn’t do it and it’s not good for the kids unless you’re in a committed relationship, but it’s your right and it’s not morally wrong or anything

[mysteriousNicholas]

In the old days, they'd say out of wedlock lol is a no no ❌ 🤞🏻

[TonyMetal___86]

And i still support this rule 😁

[loveyouoak]

I don't think it's right to have children before marriage.

[Staximus]

It's ok if you live together and don't see a breakup in the near future. Having a baby when a man and woman are not committed to each other enough to even together is fucking stupid.

[_piotr]

Yes. Having kids before marriage must include sex before marriage. It is a sin.

[OneViewpoint]

Sun is a human construct. There is no god and no sin. Now if you want to call it a stupid decision, that’s another discussion.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. It is statically better for the parents to be together in the long term.

[noohair]

There is no guarantee that the marriage will happen.

[fuddly]

I think if you choose to have kids that's fine

Young girl say 18 finds herself pregnant unexpectedly that's a pity

[robocop666]

Many people dont marry today. Lawyers and accountants dont recommend it.

[jazzy34]

It’s not my preference.

[goaded]

Not as long as you both love them.

[seeyounexttuesday]

It's not the ideal.

[zombiewoof]

Nope, nature does not care

[MasterKS]

Its personal choice.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with it

[Ariesman81]

Yes.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes.