Engagement point of view?

[bakersbin]

How do i know he's sure? What to take into consideration? What's make or break? Is it going to last?

Updates

+1 y

😹the moment i started giving answers to my questions i spiraled

[MementoMori777]

I need more info, I don't know what's happening here lol

[bakersbin]

What do you need tho?

[MementoMori777]

What you mean by your question, because to be fair if you are asking yourself if it's going to last then it most likely means you aren't at the point with this guy for marriage, you'd not only be sure it will last but you wouldn't be question it at all, these questions most likely mean you are probably at a early stage with him too early for marriage or you'd know he's the one and you know it would last.

[bakersbin]

He wants to but that doesn't mean he's ready. Also doesn't matter how sure you are about yourself and what you want the other individual is not you. What they tell you, think or whatever the case may be, might not always be exactly the truth.
People tell you what they think you want to hear often. In this case it's a matter of seeing what other individuals have experienced, or would suggest or give advice or lessons learned.
Things to take note of.
Obviously learning as you go and compromising is key but some things people need some push or help to figure out.
Not much of life has a 10 step wikihow (wikihow is useless and don't recommend)
Does it answer your question?

[MementoMori777]

Yea but don't you believe that person should make you feel secure about the situation? And I agree people can tell you just what you want to hear which backs my point even further that if he is making you feel uncertainty then maybe it's possible that it's too early into the connection for you to think of marriage and that's why you are having this questionnaire about the marriage because it's still to early for you to tell if this person is the one or not, clearly there won't always be 100% certainty and assurance that it will turn out the way you want but don't you agree that if it was the proper time with the right person, you would have a form of confidence about it and you wouldn't be questioning yourself about it to this extend? Jumping into marriages and and relationships in general aren't full certainty of the perfect outcome but we don't necessarily jump into it completely blind, if you are asking yourself about these things right now then maybe you are taking the leap blindly if you decided to at this very moment, I'd say spend more time with the person, studies say that knowing someone for at least 4 years before proposal, highest your chances of a happy marriage, I don't know if that helps but 🤷🏽‍♂️💯

[bakersbin]

It isn't anyone's responsibility to resolve your insecurities and yes by all means reasure the person. Even with reassurance and security you can't help but wonder if they're really ready. It doesn't actually change much its more a step to the bigger picture. But has the realization kicked in to them that you are the person they're settling down with. And that is there anything that needs to be done or talked about before you actually take that step.
I don't doubt my certainty i doubt their certainty because above all I'm not the easiest person and i am emotionally sensitive. Time apart does make it harder and quite frankly communication when we're apart is the level of a 10 year old.

[MementoMori777]

In a relationship both of you effect each other and it might not be your responsibility to deal with their insecurities but that doesn't change the fact that if you are in a relationship with this person, their insecurities will effect you, if you want real answers to your question you have to dig to the core of what's causing you to have these questions about the relationship or person and you have to also find the proper solutions for it and don't be afraid to communicate with your partner, most solutions are solve through communication, mostly when they are about uncertainty about certain situations, he's your partner not your boss, you must first find what's making you feel the way you are feeling and ask your partner questions to find a form of certainty, if for example you don't feel like the man loves you, you can ask what he loves about you (just an example) you can't really proceed to solutions without knowing the core of the problem.

[bakersbin]

I appreciate the input and advice however for a person that's so in touch with their emotions and for someone who does not have an idea on how to express theirs other than attacking you with hugs and smothering you with kisses and getting you teddies and cutting off your crusts because you always eat them first or knows that your food shouldn't touch each other unless it's a soup or a stew or a stirfry that knows so much about what you like and dislike and what you prefer and the way you want something it's a bit hard for me to even expect them to be able to communicate the way i do and to even think the way i do. He definitely loves me that i have no doubt in and i do not doubt any aspect of that. I don't doubt his commitment either. And whenever i even think what if he isn't sure i go into a spiral. And to be honest he doesn't know how to express his feelings other than doing the things he knows i adore and being overwhelmingly affectionate. And i might be answering my own questions by saying all of this. But the conversation about are you sure you're ready for that step. Obviously anyone and everyone can back out of it as soon as they want to there's nothing holding you there once you've made that decision within but i don't want any cold feet. I prefer a black and white and if it isn't black and white i will always think of whats the grey then.

[MementoMori777]

I see what you mean about being complicated and not easy to deal with 😆

You surely did seem to answer your own questions but if you are worried about backing out at the last second then I believe maybe you are over thinking it all and you are lost more in intrusive thoughts, when the guy asks it most likely means he already build up the confidence and made up his mind at the same time to make the big step, I don't think you gotta worry about this unless he drunk texted you a proposal and he sobers up and realizes the mistake that he had to do it in person and sober, you have confidence he loves you and no doubt in your mind that it's any other way and you love him, if you have love, communication, support and trust, the foundation of your future marriage is built and sturdy, not worrying about all this is called trust, trust your relationship and the strength of it, I recommend you let those intrusive thoughts go and enjoy life with your man, the pieces will fall into place eventually without you having to worry about it.

[bakersbin]

😹I'm glad you got a laugh out of it at least
Thanks for the patience and the help.
I should probably just trust the process and try not to freak out because i don't have control over a situation

[MementoMori777]

I can assure you dat that brain of yours is working overtime, exactly trust the process, stop backseat driving life 😂

[bakersbin]

I tried breathing excersizes, but i almost popped🫡

[MementoMori777]

Almost popped? Did I make it worse? You went from anxiousness to an explosion, relax missy, it's not worth exploring for 😶