Is my view on relationships and marriage realistic?

Question

I'm in a relationship myself which is ironic, but sometimes I don't understand the point of it, when I break it down.

Seriously, two people experience attraction which lasts for not so long, then they decide to get married and devote themselves to each other. Only the two of them. But everybody knows the husband will always end up hating his wife and always lusting for other women, and the woman will do so as well. It happens like 90% of the time. The woman usually gets tired after bearing children.

Why do men want to commit when their instinct is to inseminate as many women as possible? Why do women commit when they so easily get tried of not having enough sex?

As a single person you can do whatever you want. You have financial, sexual and social freedom. You have the love of your friends and family. You can adopt, and women today have the resources to raise a child by herself. Men and women can survive without each others commitment. Is the concept of commitment just a product of human egoism? That we want to feel special and adored?

This is more a hypothetical question. I know a lot of you will think "try to answer this question yourself" but it's difficult.

Levin · Accepted Answer

I did notice an interesting theme in your questions. For example, I think you have mentioned cheating quite a few times. I find it interesting, because obviously, themes that are repeated give interesting clues into one's subconscious makeup.

There's a few things to say. There are a lot that live in the fashion you describe. Independence and non-monogamous relationships. They're all over Tinder for example, as reflective as you can say Tinder is of society. In any case. It's clearly happening.

The other thing is, are you being true to what you want? What is that you actually want? And why can't you have it? You're not stuck to any fixed structures, if you don't want to live that way. Life is short. Why can't you live in the way you want?

Also, it's important to realise a few other things. You clearly have certain associations and connotations about relationships. About boredom, breaking down, desiring other people. Where does that derive from? Where did you get these ideas about relationships? Is it something you saw in your parents or other relationships around you? Not trying to put words in your head, it's important to consider yourself where they came from.

The last thing to say is that it's important to understand that we're living under a certain paradigm, briefly known as scientific materialism or reductionism. All of our understanding of our world comes from this rather small paradigm. AT least, for those who subscribe to it, unquestioningly. There are other worlds out there, for people who do the sufficient research and experimentation. For example, I have certain spiritual beliefs of my own, as I say, derived from experimentation and research, which are not the same as religious dogmatism.

Love is an important concept to me. And it is not derived from our biology or scientific conceptions about our existence, ie Darwinism, survival of the fittest. In that case, love can rather a pure and not a cynical derivation. Alas, our understanding of the world is sadly poisoned and coloured by this scientific materialism. Of course, love doesn't have to be contained within single all and only relationships, either.

YHL6965 · Accepted Answer

One small detail : the part about getting tired and hating each other is called a toxic marriage, and it's up to you to choose the right partner so that you don't end up in this situation.

Also, you saying that all men want to inseminate as many women as possible makes me question your view of men to be honest. We are more than just a penis and testicles on legs, we have higher aspirations than just sex.

I personally don't believe in marriage as I think it brings nothing to a relationship.

However, I want to commit to a woman so that we can build and share things together : memories, a family, a house, experience things together, share personal things, show each other love, affection, gratitude...

If you take a look at love and relationships from a logical/rational point of view, you will not get any good conclusions as love is a feeling and feelings are irrational by nature. You will never be able to understand an irrational thing with a rational mindset (trust me, I have tried doing that way too much). Love is all about feelings. Therefore, I would suggest using your heart instead of your brain to approach the question.

I'm wondering though, your view of marriage, does it come from observing how your parents interact?

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

I def disagree with what you think. There are many natural instincts that actually bring a couple together to be monogamous. Especially when having a child. Its suppose to bond the couple for life. That men should spread there seed shit is complete bs and has been proven wrong. Men should naturally want to settle down with the baby mama.

And for me I think like yeah we could love multiple people in a lifetime but I don't think that's a invitation not to be loyal to someone for a long term relationship. It's more of a opportunity for if we were to lose a partner, that there is a option to find another. Not to slut around and not settle down. Marriage is important and shows that you'll be loyal to someone. Being in just a dating relationship forever ain't gonna work out considering that they never actually are devoted to each other. It's weird to me that a person can't find it in their heart to be tied down for life to the person they're in love with. Obviously everyone thinks differently about relationships though so no hate.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think marriage is a vow to only be with one another and love one another. They no longer desire to have sex with other people but their spouse. Marriage is good for the children to have both parents.

Marriage can bring more success in life if they both worked together to achieve what they want in life.

ohshee · Answer

I agree with you 100 % with all of it because it all is true ,,, BUT. LOL buy the way I'm Single BUt,, when two people connect. We all have an energy that glows when two energy s become one I mean every little touch is beautiful you walk on are the world is RIGHT Then you get married and thing.
Changes. You find a rude put it in drive and. Let it take it's course,, when this happens I should have copied and paste your Question right here all life stops you fight someone has an affair you brake up ,,

And life starts again you found another hot sexy energy that feels good with your s walking on air again be. BUT. LOL A BIG LIST OF ALL THE NEGITIVE. THAT WILL HAPPEN And it time you find that rute again.

So how about this. Since there are more women than men guys are allowed. 4 girls and girls are allow 4 guys you live with. for. 4 months and you change partners every 4 months lol

I don't know. But I do know I love the bond the excitement of being around each other and being happy experiencing life

I don't like when 1 PERSON wants to stop doing this and that and feels like. You both just shot each other in the foot lol

Not_Average · Answer

There’s a lot you can do to maintain that fire in a long term relationship. Sex is better in relationships from my experience. Sexual compatibility is something of importance though.

While younger people typically value lust and random hookups, different priorities take precedence as you become older.

Life can really kick you in your ass as you age, and having someone by your side to offer you emotional support, assistance, and affection through those times offers a great deal of benefit. Have you ever had to deal with a death in your family yet? Shit sucks and leaves scars. These are the things you have to deal with as you age.

Just the ability to grow with someone who consistently tries to help you be the best person you can be is great. The ability to offer that back is immensely satisfying as well.

I tend to notice that couples who become bored with one another do so because they stop growing together. They get different jobs, they get the house, maybe have some kids, and then they settle and stop growing. I plan to consistently grow through new phases of life and keep moving forward to bigger and better things with my partner. New environments, new goals... etc.

Also, having kids seems like a blast. I think I’d be a fun dad. A kid should have a mom and dad. Still holding off on kids though.

Don’t get me wrong, I still check out other women. I still watch porn. But I really have no desire to really be with anyone else. I’m sure I’ll feel a desire for someone else at one point of my life, but I’ll walk away understanding that it’s just temporary lust and not worth what I have with my girl.

RohitLakra · Answer

I believe most conservative people tend to have loyal marriages filled with richness of life. You may or may not come up with XYZ examples to prove me wrong, but the society I belong to or the culture I belong to tend to have very healthy marital relationships. Most married couples, be it in my own family or outside in neighborhood seem to be peaceful and content. Also, I don't believe these people get into relationships just because of love or women lacking financial independence. I don't really know what binds them together in a good relationship. I believe the way they look at life is often similar. I can't really say either whether your view is realistic or not because your views are probably shaped by the things you have seen and heard around yourself, so you've grown up with that attitude towards relationships. Since you're young, you should have a flexible view on such things instead of being rigid and making a mindset about the whole relationship thing in society. I believe it would be interesting for you to hear your parents answering the same question and share their views on relationships and marriages today.

Also, I'm not sure if it's right to point out, but I can't help mentioning it. I used to be active on gag few years ago, and I guess I interacted with you back then. Anyway I just want to say it's nice to see an old user here. I came back on gag couple of weeks ago. I see you've gained thousands of followers here :)

PrudentGuy · Answer

I think when we're "young and crazy" (Mr Goose, Kungfu Panda"), aka below 35, us guys just want to sow wild oats.

Reason is simple: no money, no career, no girl, no hope (LOL). Or perhaps can get a girl when we tried our best to attract her.

But eventually, guys grow up and have a career, some money, got his card, car, possibly condo and some cash.

And most importantly, with enough wild oats sowed, the desire to "settle down" creep in. This is where he made the stupidest ("stupid" is a bad word, Game Play) of decisions, martiage.

The rest is similar to ahat you wrote, with a conclusion of him suffering loss of almost everything including the kid, a broken heart, and a lot of drugs for depressions.

Ya, religion and possibly natural instinct. That's what ruin an older and crazier man.

Am_and_Pm · Answer

Fuuck Wolverine!!!

Anyway, relationships r nice.

It's nice to have someone that only u thi k is the sexiest person in this crazy universe.
U could date the biggest, fattest, most ugliest person, but o ly u would see something else.

That's becz u have a very cherished moment that was created with this one bad MFer. "AND, THAT IS WHAT TRUE LOVE IS!!"

So, what does this mean? It means, o ly u will know. Like, Y TF em I going to waste my moments looking for ur perfect B. When I'm busy looking for my little sexy big bouncy booty slut. U know. That's ur job.

Jjpayne · Answer

I think there is such a thing as religious views on traditional families and relationships. There is also just the idea of having kids.

But overall, I think deep down people want to trust other people and be able to feel safe and comfortable around other people. To find a sense of belonging.

I think people just have feelings within themselves, ones where they want to feel safe, encouraging, familiar, consistent relationships.

I think there is a hidden desire in each of us to want someone to commit to us, to love us and pledge their life to us. To do it honestly, willingly with full understanding of what that means.

And the kicker here is that people do have long lasting marriages too

I think there is a value in it, even in today's society

Anonymous · Answer

Your point of view is very interesting. Seems like marriage is getting relegated knowadays due to word coming out about all the problems that happens down the road, that end on divorce. The system fleeces specially dudes on behalf of women. So many say "why marry then?" and decide to stay single. In my personal opinion i say that it's better to not marry as long as the goverment has this laws that favor women in case of a divorce. There has to be change there that balances and yields a good outcome to both parties. I say that it's best to stay unmarried and have casual sex and ltr's for whatever time it lasts but stay away from marriage for the time being.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Well if you save your virginity for your husband he has something special with you he can't simply get with some other woman. And if you have your V to offer you can get much better men that would be out of your league normally (for marriage specifically). You could lock down that really awesome hot guy. This helps keeps marriage strong.

Versus what most people do, sleep around. The man doesn't really give a fuck to go above and beyond because the girl doesn't seem as special to him so why he going to go out of his way to be the best man he can be for her? she's no prize so he can drink beer and play video games and ignore her, etc. And as he is more and more like this over the years she's going to get fed up with it and not be sexually into him any more.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Your views are wrong and your whole ideology is wrong and that's why your making a wrong concept about love and marriage...

Shamalien · Answer

Marriage is about providing a stable foundation for children that is the missing piece. Easy to forget in these hedonist times

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

The parta you say attraction lasts only so long and that they will eventually hate each other is where you are wrong is this.  With the right person none of those things happens.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Actually you make logical sense. It doesn't make sense for two people to devote themselves without ever really wanting to be with each other. But that's what love is, it doesn't make sense. When you get two people who do not want to be with anyone else and ate together for of a companionship and sex is just a side gig not the main reason.

Twenty2 · Answer

Death is what gives meaning to life. If you're immortal, you'll lose interest after a while.

That being said if a person can do stuff but chooses not to and the other person is like that too then the marriage is beautiful but if it's not like that then there's no reason to marry. You're only wasting your life that way.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Not really, but I completely agree with what you said about being single.

And coming to marriages, actually many people do have happy married lives.

You said you are in a relationship. How long have you been in this relationship?
What makes you continue in your relationship?

LemiaOfTheCodes · Answer

Your question you should be asking yourself Is it the right time for me because if you can't promise the best verison of yourself then its not your time.

Slim57 · Answer

No... Because for one some people never fall out of anso easily and two there are men, and women, like me that don't have a cheating bone or eye in any being of their fibre.

havingfun101 · Answer

"I want to have me cake and eat it, too." ... women file 75% of divorces and when women make more money the divorce rate goes up by 50%. You're not in the same galaxy as intellectual honesty.

Clarke498 · Answer

That's only true if you don't believe in true love.

locutus9999 · Answer

Ok... more divorses like almost all are start by women, but people once married forgets that love must be feed every single day. Is not like , oh we are married is all ok. No... both have to continue every day to make the other one fall more in love.

psychoticanimallover · Answer

It’s just a habit to get married now. There’s no need. Men and women are both happier single.

Is my view on relationships and marriage realistic?

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