Conflict in long-distance relationship: Mom's visit exposes her racist views. Boyfriend's angry reaction and claim of no feelings. Seeking advice?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone, I (33F, African American) need some perspective on a recent conflict that arose between my boyfriend (31M, African American) and me. We've been in a long-distance relationship, as he lives down south while I'm up in the northeast. We had a strong emotional connection, exchanged love notes, and even discussed marriage. Here's where things got complicated. My mom is planning to visit his city in a few months, and she doesn't know about our relationship yet. I intended to reveal it to her once we became more serious. However, my mom has always insisted that I should only date Caucasian men, believing they would treat me better. I find her beliefs challenging to deal with, and we often argue about them. When I shared my mom's visit plan with my boyfriend, he encouraged me to go with her. However, I expressed my concerns about being in close quarters with my mom due to our strained relationship and her strong opinions about dating African American men. I wanted to be honest with him, as he deserved to know about my mom's views. Unfortunately, he became angry and went on a rant. He questioned why I didn't challenge my mom's beliefs and stated that he no longer had romantic feelings for me. He even listed his family's accomplishments and the fact that his parents are still together, highlighting the contrast with my own family situation. I was hurt by his reaction, and in the heat of the moment, I responded with a curt "ok good, bye," and blocked him on social media. Now, I'm feeling conflicted and would appreciate some perspective. Was I wrong to share my mom's views with him? How would you handle a situation like this? I'm open to hearing different opinions and understanding who might be at fault here. Thank you in advance for your insights.

I was wrong!

He was wrong!

[Anonymous]

He was wrong. You tried to have a difficult conversation with him and he couldn't handle it.

Ofcorse he is right in that your mom is wrong but that won't be solved over night.

[Asker]

Thank you, I thought I had done something wrong by even mentioning it, but thank you for letting me know that I am not the one that should feel regret!

[Opinion Owner]

Ofcorse no worries!

If you want you can utblick him and tell him you wanna solve this. But thats up to you

[Asker]

Yes I am contemplating if I should or not, but he posted a picture of him hugging on other girls with a bear bottle in his hands and that just turned me off. So I am wondering if it is even worth going back there with him!

[Opinion Owner]

No keep him blocked. Thats ridecolous... he is clearly no real man. Sounds like a narcissist.

Have you met him irl?

[Asker]

No I never met him irl, but that is what the plan was when my mom takes her trip!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO!

[Asker]

No problem I appreciate your input!

[Opinion Owner]

👍🏻👍🏻

[Avicenna]

It would have been better to keep it to yourself since it was guaranteed to cause bitter feelings. That said, it's more wrong that he overreacted that badly.

[Asker]

Thank you, that was my initial thought when he began to hurl insults! I should have just kept it to myself, but eventually he would have found out so it was better he did now than when we actually got really serious, I guess.

[Asker]

Get*

[Avicenna]

It showed a lot of immaturity on his part. It's far from uncommon for a girlfriend or fiancee's parents to think their daughter "could do better" or prefer that she date or marry someone else, and they often get over it.

[Asker]

Yes that happens often, it really hurts that he acted that way and I feel like I dodged a bullet, but it also feels like a gut punch.

[Avicenna]

That's completely understandable, especially as it happened so suddenly and it was a very serious relationship. Time heals, though.

[Asker]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your advice and words of comfort! 🙏🏿

[Avicenna]

No problem, and I'm sure you won't be single for long.

[Asker]

Well I'm a home body, so there aren't a lot of chances for me to meet anyone, so I'll be a lucky to find someone for sure! Lol

[Avicenna]

Meeting someone compatible is usually a matter of luck in the first place.

[Asker]

This is true, I'd be grateful nonetheless in the event that it does happen!

[boobliker]

Only you can answer that as we may give you the wrong idea.

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion I appreciate it!

[Iron_Man]

Just speak from the heart tell her the truth

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice, I will try but my mom never listens and once she has a strong opinion it's like talking to a wall. It gets so exhausting!

[Anonymous]

He was in the wrong here.