Does a bad love experience changes your attitude and views on relationships and people overall?

[Vesuvius87]

My first boyfriend wronged me badly and ultimately even wanted to go after my money too. He really ended up being literally a terrible person, worse than just a player. I ended up hating him so much like never before that I sought a psychologist in the beginning.

Even though I'm now 9 months into my 2nd relationship, I never let my guard down completely with anyone ever again. I don't want to invest too much for nothing. I have still have standards but not too much expectations. If it doesn't work out, there is the door and I'm not going to cry about it. I don't share every single sad details of my personal life (ex: the time I got bullied at school, what my ex boyfriend did, my parents' rocky marriage, etc) with anyone. I don't give in too much. If I had to share details, then only tell him or people positive things. Lastly, I don't believe in passionate love anymore; it's immature and short-lived.

I feel as if I've forever changed. Is this a normal aftereffect?

Updates

+1 y

Basically it's like I've become more cautious by now, don't give too much and handle everything with care. I'm guarding myself and won't make myself vulnerable with anyone.

[Anonymous]

It’s completely normal sadly 😔 If you’ve been hurt before you might turn out to be more closed off and cold out of fear of getting hurt again. I think it’ll definitely take time for you to start letting your guard down again, just remember to not give up on love just bc of an asshole has wronged you ❤️

[Vesuvius87]

I didn't completely give up on love. I'm just more careful about it and know when not to reveal too much information. My goal is still to get married and have a child.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s very understandable and there’s nothing wrong with being careful. I hope things will work out just fine for you ✨

[Chris_Morgan]

I'm pretty much the same way.

I've been hurt badly but I don't talk about it outside of Gag, and I see relationships differently now. I still believe in passionate love but I don't trust anyone and I don't get too comfortable. I live in the moment and enjoy my relationships more.

[Vesuvius87]

The thing is I still want to get married and have a child. I just don't believe in passionate love because that's a waste of time... where the guy can keep me forever at that stage and the relationship doesn't progresses. I'm not ever falling for the mistake of letting a man lovebomb me and say ''oh my beautiful wife, you're my family'' without a ring on.
No I'm no man's beautiful wife, I'm not his family if we're just dating. While I'm just his girlfriend and we both have a foot out the door at anytime, it's now an insult if a boyfriend calls me his beautiful wife.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm now ready for the mature love, where goals are met not ''I love you so much, to the moon and the stars'' bs thing where it goes nowhere. Passionate love won't give me kids.

[Chris_Morgan]

Yes, I think a lot of women need to be careful not to waste too many years with guys who don't have the same goals of marriage and kids. Time goes by and if they really want the husband and family I think it's important to focus on that.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. They also need to watch out for those men that literally lied about wanting kids and marriage. My ex boyfriend lied about it because he knew if he told the truth from the start, I would never accept it. That right there is a user. Now I know that if words aren't followed by consistent actions, he's a liar.

[Chris_Morgan]

I'm sorry he did that to you. I never wanted to waste a woman's time. When my ex asked about marriage I was all for it. I didn't want anyone but her, and I was already preparing myself to be a father and making sure I was ready.

[hyperben]

when the time and the person are right, and you are in a good headspace, you will be totally happy and content. My first serious girlfriend was a similar level nightmare and it made me very guarded for a long time, it gets better/easier

[Vesuvius87]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Hopefully you'll find someone that will make you feel secure. I feel better in my current relationship and there hasn't been a single argument at all. I think it really isn't needed to share negative information about your personal life; that's like optional.

[hyperben]

oh thank you, this was a long time ago really, im in a great relationship these days! sounds like you too which is great!

[CloudMassacre]

I was hurt in a long term online relationship and it’s definitely affected how I view things

[Vesuvius87]

True. Another thing is... when someone hurts you badly, they also destroy your sweetness, your overall innocence (I don't mean just the virginity innocence but everything else) you're never have again and your trusting nature. You just feel you can't trust easily and are more careful by now.