I chose the first option, but I'm not too sure if it represents my actual position. I believe in mutual happiness i. e. both partners place the same value on the happiness/opinions of their partner as they place on their own (happiness/opinions). This means that in a conflict of interest, priority is given to the solution that both partners are happy with. Failing that, they either opt for equivalent exchange, or to maintain the status quo (before the conflict arose).
As you can imagine from this, mutual happiness rejects popular positions such as "if they really loved me, they will (blindly) support me/my wants". It's not for everyone. I'm actually rather surprised that so many people chose the first option. My past observations are that the majority prefers what I call "together but separate", something resembling the last option on your poll. And yes, I think that mindset is what is wrong with relationships today.
It's only 50/50 in the sense that there are two people, but both should do their utmost to make it work and make each other happy, support each other, and lift the other up when they are down. A relationship is work. It's not all sunsets and fancy dinners. Equal is just both partners are trying their best.
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u You are aware of everything that you do to make a relationship work. You smile and go with him to his family events when you would rather not. You don't wake him up when he starts snoring. You don't throw a major bitch fit when he forgets your dating anniversary.
But. . . you aren't aware of everything that he does to keep the relationship running, because not all of those things are visible. When you want to go to the Indian restaurant for the third time this week and he doesn't complain, you don't know it. When you tell him the same story for the third time and he just smiles and listens instead of complaining, you don't realize it.
So. . . when you compare your effort to his. . . if you are both doing whatever it takes to make things work, you will always think that you are doing more than he is. That kind of comparison isn't valid and it isn't really useful.
The important questions are:
1. Are you getting your major needs met in the relationship?
2. Do you feel that you are "paying an exorbitant price" for being in the relationship?
3. Would it really be better with with someone else?
If both of you answer those questions "yes, no, and no," then it is a good relationship for both of you and that is the equality that you really need.
I think of a relationship as a responsibility bind and mutual care type of association - you are responsible if they become sick and they are responsible if you become sick - you have to treat them with respect and sweetness and sacrifice and they have to treat you with respect and sweetness and sacrifice
Nothing, because I frankly don't adhere to that ideology.
I don't mind loving a person more than they love me back, I don't expect anyone to match me in the manner and magnitude of my appreciation of them.
I actually think that it's a contrived and stressful way to do relationships.
I only expect a person to respect me, be honest with me and loyal to me.
If they don't give me shit and are honest in their affection towards me and their desire to be with me, then I don't care how strongly/weakly they demonstrate it.
I will give them the benefit of the doubt that they are honest with me in that way and I don't place any sort of expectation on them to do anything outside of what they are comfortable with naturally.
I definitely don't expect anyone to "infinitely" sacrifice anything for me, that seems selfish to me.
I want a person who simply wants me as their company, I don't think there should be obligations outside of the very basic ones that maintain the structure of an exclusive romantic relationship.
Relationships should be based around intrinsic wants and desires, not arbitrary obligations.
I would say it goes back to yin and yang balancing a relationship out. A woman shows through emotions and communication. A man shows through actions and communication. Both people involved would need to learn communication in order to balance a relationship. Unless you're 100% open to expressing how you both feel toward ANYTHING, nothing will operate correctly. My boyfriend and I both put in 100% that doesn't mean he have a cap on what to expect. We just what's natural and that's WANTING to please each other. Happiness is the goal at the end of the day. I'm not saying one sacrifices more than the other. We allow each other to be who we are and it works perfect. We had to learn how to understand one another before we could fall in love. Most people call it "the love language" it changes all aspects to a relationship. My boyfriend and I laughed when we first thought about reading the "5 love languages" but after finishing it, we laughed at all the silly fights we had because we didn't understand what the other way communicating. Honestly we haven't had a fight SINCE reading that book and understanding our relationship.
“Equal” is not possible in a relationship. There will always be things she can do that I cannot and that I can do that she cannot not. I doubt equal exist even in homosexual relationships. Couples compliment one another. They don’t keep score. Trying for equal is keeping score. That alone is exhausting. Further, I do not think her less than me for not being able to do as I can nor does she feel me less than her for not being able to do as she can. We (Her and I) are on the same team versus the rest of you yahoos of the world. That is that.
I like your definition of equal its been we'll thought out I'm on the same page my belief has followed modern trends such as the woman was basically (metrofolicly speaking ) chained to the kitchen and had to be obedient to there ( Bliss haha ) man including having sex Then came flower power and peace and love This lead to the rebellion of Burn the Bra run by feminism A take over by Women Now we have equal rights which works ok but needs improving So yes I believe in joint decisions Honestly and romance
Don't expect your partner to do things for you that you wouldn't do for them.
If they do something they hate for you, consider doing something for them you hate doing. If you both hate doing something that has to be done (cleaning the toilet?), at least sometimes do it yourself.
Don't mistake things you want done for things that have to be done.
Don't get upset at your partner for not doing them!
Appreciate your partner, if they do do them!
Communicate. Which means infinite listening, and not making snap decisions.
Total mutual respect and a genuine desire to make each other happy. That's going to require some compromise. Who cooks and does all the household chores? It's not just one person's job. You have to figure it out so that both people are satisfied. Nobody is the boss. You are a team. And you want your partner to feel fulfilled and happy. You want to be their hero without turning into a door mat. And it goes both ways.
I choose the first one in my opinion.
You know, it's not that I'm sacrificing myself for my partner/family. It's like that I would like to be taking care of the things that she wouldn't be suitable for. Rather than sharing the hard part, I like to ask for help with household stuff, taking care of children, shopping, etc. Cause that naturally, women are very good at those things. As they believe me or not. But it doesn't mean I'm locking up them at the home. they can explore the universe if she likes.
As a Christian infinity is impossible. My relationship with God comes first, but through him I give all my available time. Automatically it's God first, but ideally followed by Wife, Kids, myself, family, and then neighbors. It's kind of hard to define equal, because there is equal quantity (time, tasks, etc.) or quality (effort, results, etc.). I would be spending 8+ hrs a day at work, before children potentially she could match, but after that's going to already tip hrs at home towards her. I plan to divide up the chores, I can take out the trash, put away laundry, and choose between making dinner or doing the dishes. She can make the bed, do laundry, and choose between washing dishes and making dinner. She and I can alternate cleaning the tub and toilet. I would run the finances, but give her equal amounts after bills. That's how I imagine equal, but this setup is unpopular these days.
I think we should both have a healthy goal, not one of expectation but one of commitment.
We both agree to be equal with each other, there is no forcing. One does the dishes the other cooks, one does the vacuuming the other dusts.
I do think both of us should work because that leaves more money for us in the long run. And it prevents the other from being relatable and bored from staying at home
I really love the way you look at it. Thats going to be how it is in my relationship. It is like that but just never heard of the infinite approach but it is what we have for each other all along and it definitely suggests that the two are keeping things equal.
If you can do infinite, I think that's great. I just want to focus on striking some kind of balance that we can both agree on. You know, whatever works. 60/40, 30/70, whatever. I'm not worried about who does how much.
Uh honestly I don't know how to answer that. For me i do a lot of things in a relationship but it seems to barely happen in return so i think the first one would be best but at the same time the last one seems interesting but from past experience it more then likely won't go well so i am gonna pick the first one
I mean... as long as she makes me feel valued and puts consistent effort into the relationship. I don’t like keeping a score card with my friends and loved ones.
True partnerships require 100% effort from both parties.
50/50 implies lines and limitations. That doesn't fly with me.
We are both functional adults, we can both give 100% to each other.
Yeah both people should be all in, and generous towards each other. It's usually effortless in the beginning, but marriage is work. People should expect that.
If you have to sacrifice to be happy with your partner, you're with the wrong partner. If I'm giving it my all and she's not, I'm out. I have no patience for being taken advantage of.
Keeping things equal is both partners doing what it takes to keep a relationship healthy.
50/50 is not a proper measure.
A relationship with someone else that's committed to growing would by definition describe a unit. That said, what I may lack, you may be abundant and vice versa.
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