Can a relationship be successful if you don't see your partner as an equal?

Question

lumos · Accepted Answer

I'm gonna go ahead and take the liberty of interpreting being your partner's equal as being their equal as a person, and not in terms of career choice/circles/money.
I really don't see how a relationship can be successful if you don't see your partner as your equal. You're supposed to be a team, you're supposed to value what the other has to say, and listen to what their wants and needs are. If you don't see your partner as your equal, it's very likely that you'll always value your own opinion/wants/needs over theirs, which in turn makes the relationship neglectful and one-sided. I don't think I've ever seen a successful relationship that was a constant struggle for dominance. Unless the "less valued" person in the relationship is naturally extremely submissive (or manipulated/abused into submission over a long period of time), there will be constant fights because of what appears to be a lack of communication and mutual respect. I just can't see a situation where a "normal" human being (who isn't suffering from extreme insecurities) would be happy in a relationship with someone who sees them as lesser.
Everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel like their voice is being heard and their needs are being met. And I just don't see how that would be possible in a relationship where one person clearly thinks they're worth more than the other.

Ginfiend · Accepted Answer

On a simple basis, no.

On a more complicated one, I think the only time discrepancies can work, (and can be lovely, as long as it’s within reason, there’s still self love, and it’s only a small gap) is when each partner thinks their other half is not only equal to, but better than themselves, giving a little drive and aspiration to better yourselves, and meaning your SO isn’t going unappreciated- however too much can be self deprocating, and cause a lack of balance, and you still need to appreciate each other in equal measure and be on the same page.

If you think you’re better than your partner, it’s easy to feel resentment, like you’re being held back, and unfortunately for emotional abuses to come into play, especially from a sociopathic slant.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

You don't have to be equal in power but you have to be equal in your willingness to sacrifice yourself for the other person. As an example - when a parent loves a child - the child is not equal in power to the parent but the parent - the one with more power - is the one making most of the sacrifices in the relationship. So you do not have to make equal amounts of money or have the same degrees or the same i. q. or the same level of confidence and natural ability - but you have to be equally committed to each other and equally wiling to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of the other person.

talltom94 · Accepted Answer

I think it is possible depending on the values they both hold, and depending on what you mean by as an equal, earning an equal amount or viewing them equal to you as a person.

In terms of earnings definitely, to me it doesn't matter if the girl is earning pennies in comparison, or whether she's earning 10× more than me.

In terms of how they are viewed as a person, I think if 2 people have the view that one gender is better than the other then why couldn't they be in a successful, that was societies view for thousands of years, and people stayed together successfully, it's only recently that that view has changed, but obviously if one sees them as equal and the other doesn't, then I don't think that would work out, I think at this point when it comes to guys still thinking men are better than women then good luck with matchmaking as I'm sure finding a woman in this day and age with that idea that women are the lesser gender is going to be very very difficult, but i would still think that there would be some girls that are brought up with those 'traditional' values that men are the better gender.

But yeh i think it depends on if that view is shared by your partner, because tbh if you're going to treat your partner as a 'lesser' person then I think they deserve someone who does treat them as an equal.

i_am_me_you_see · Accepted Answer

Yes it can, as long as you both know where the other one stands and your both okay with it and as long as the "lesser" not shamed or treated subhuman because of it,
I would say of your in love with or even deep feelings work to help the other one up and to become an equal, if that's not an option try to at least make a sub / dom roll to have fun with

pawprints · Answer

Tricky. I guess your partner doesn't have to be equal, as long as you can see the value of the differences they bring.

If you see yourself as superior, or more worthy etc,,,, I feel those type of power dynamics can lead to forms of abuse (even if that isn't the intent) x x

SmartGirl92 · Answer

I personally don’t think so. That’s just because equality is very important to me, especially considering how I’m a bisexual atheist. I’ve experienced my fair share of unnecessary misconceptions & prejudice. Some of my exes treated me in the standard sexist way, it didn’t feel nice at all.

If someone wants to be treated less than the partner, that’s their business. Although I worry about when the line crosses over into abusive type treatment.

EpicDweeb · Answer

Depends on what you mean by equal. I think relationships work best when one member is willing to be a the leader and is seen as an authority. The whole making decisions together thing, while well and good in some contexts can also just mean nothing gets done. Being seen as equals is important so long as authority is largely vested in one person. That's just my opinion I'm sure different people make it work in different ways.

Astoriana · Answer

You know how straight people are supposed to hate their spouses? I think all those weird expectations of relationships came to be because it was rarely expected that you were an equal to your spouse until very recently.

If you don’t believe your partner to be an equal, there will inevitably be some kind of resentment and that will poison the relationship.

LokiWhite · Answer

Nope!!! Not in the 21st century. I grew up in the Middle East and there were many Muslim couples where it was just known that the woman was worth less than the man, and honestly they weren't happy marriages at all. Definitely a no

AynonOMouse · Answer

Yeah it can as long as you care about your SO, treat them with respect, and don't belittle them for the things they can't do as well as you can. It can be fine.
It is pretty common for one partner in the relationship to be better at more things, but the other partner usually has at least a few things they are better at too.

MommysBoyToy · Answer

Nope. Relationships are a situation where everyone has to be full filled or it won't work. If one thinks they are better than the other then the other will never live up to the expectations of the high and mighty one. On the flip the one who is considering beneath the other will feel empty and sad.

Aphrodite765 · Answer

It depends on the people. If you both see one of you as not equal, then it could work but if you both saw the other as unequal it would most likely end in fighting. I would advise against it, but you do you.

Naditz · Answer

I read somewhere once (forgot where) that relationships are actually more successful when the woman is 15% smarter in a relationship. Something to do with it being harder for the guy to get away with things like infidelity.

Notyourguy · Answer

DOES IT MATTER? IF THEY BOTH LOVE EACHOTHER ONE WHO'S IN SOME WAY SUPERIOR WOULD LOOK DOWN AT SOME POINT TO SAVE HIM/HERSELF FROM EMBARRASSMENT AND THE OTHER ONE WHO'S IN SOME WAY INFERIOR WOULD FEEL THINGS INSIDE OF BEING DOWNWARD.

txdiie_ · Answer

That is a difficult question. But I think it depends on the relationship.

It wouldn't work with my boyfriend and I because he's white and I'm black and if he doesn't see us as equals then it's really wrong and it wouldn't work.

mademistakes · Answer

No. It will fall.
Only build feelings of resentment.
New when you treat each other's in the equal you communicate better you trust each other more and you try to understand each other, by finding that all important empathy.

Bribree18 · Answer

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t? It’s the 21st century, if you can’t see your partner, male or female, breadwinner or not, as your equal... you deserve to be alone.

rjroy3 · Answer

I don't view just staying together as a "successful" relationship. So it depends. How are you defining success. I guess you could if you find a partner that wants the same thing as you. Because then you compliment eachother.

SickPeach · Answer

No. Just no. Relation is about being partners to each other, fully respectful in every form of they life. If someone doesn't see they partner equal, is not healthy relation.

jalebkackson · Answer

Maybe. If you think they're above you and they drive you to always improve. Or if you both think the other is above the other. Like I think she's better than me, but she thinks you're better than her.

MusicMayhem · Answer

Unlikely. One person will get bored and want better, the other will get insecure that they aren't good enough and scare away the other person acting needy.

WildHeart87 · Answer

Unfortunately I can't see how it can work if you do not see each other as an equal. It causes friction and animosity.

OatsnWhey · Answer

Men and women aren’t equal. We’re very different and we can’t just ignore biological facts. That’s not to say male or female is superior or inferior, but rather to recognize we’re different and therefore offer different things in a relationship.

chrisbigman · Answer

Not likely. Sure, there may be people that will be out to prove that wrong (or right). But if people don't work at it together and see each other as equals, then it's not likely to last. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.

karahiri · Answer

It can if that's what you desire. Some people want a partner who they feel is better than them.

Andre__ · Answer

That will never work. There will always be friction within the relationship and most likely unspoken irritation for both parties.

Moonchild714 · Answer

Sadly yes, usually one is Dominant over the other. But I would never be able to be in a said relationship.

Qwertsy · Answer

A partner has to be an equal if you are sharing a life together. Roles in the relationship may be different, but both should be equals.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

No, it can't. Respect is the lifeblood of any relationship, along with trust. No master would trust his slave completely, or a kudnapper his hostage. The slave or hostage would always be thinking about freedom and of what to do to get it.

Joeofalltrades · Answer

If you sit there and look at someone whether they're equal or not you have some personal issues you need to deal with.

zulfiqarali · Answer

No.. partners are like wheel of a car... both are equal and should support each other

Anonymous · Answer

You have to both be clear about it upfront, and yes that will put a lot of girls off (it would put me off) but there are people out there of both sexes who want to be subservient in a relationship. You just need to look in the right places.

Hannah591 · Answer

I don't think you can. Relationships need compromise and respect to work!

inmensus · Answer

No, not at all. Which is probably one of the reasons why relationships/marriages are being unsuccessful at the moment.

Cowgirlforever · Answer

When you don't see each other as equals, you set yourself up for failure.

RandomGuyDTB · Answer

Hell no. A relationship is a two-way street, it doesn't work when it's on a hill.

IdanAdam · Answer

I don't think so...
A relationship has to come to a perfect synergy in order to work, both side m and f need to see each other as equals or even if not asequals they need to make up on eachothers differences.

unicorn1978 · Answer

I think it has to be equal you both bring different things to the relationship

Voxpop · Answer

No. Depending on the definition of equal. You can be different and equal (i. e. one cooks and takes care of the kids and one works) but you cannot see them are unequal.

magikmark88 · Answer

Both of your strengths should make up for each others weaknesses. If you have the same weaknesses nothing will get better. If u have the same strengths.. you will compete against each other. And that's a conflict

Derek576 · Answer

It can be successful but somewhere or the other the less dominating partner will feel disregarded and bad so it is unsuccessful inside the heart but may be successful outside for others
I hope you understand I need yu to understand

EagerBeaver17yo · Answer

Definitely not, the moment we lose that humble nature whereby seeing one another on mutual grounds, the relationship could go toxic.  But remember each case is different.

Reach500 · Answer

I actually don't think it's possible to love someone you don't respect

Kai02 · Answer

No it can't. At least it can't be successful for the one being seen as less

TangoCharliePDX · Answer

No. People don't have to be equal in ability or roles, but they have to be equal in value. One is a spouse. The other is a concubine.

JohnFrost · Answer

Yeah sure ut you have a whole different dilemma you just don't have a classic relationship. But you need to have a partner that fits that dynamic

podiyan · Answer

Knowning each other is only solution. love each other. Not equal. According to the nom people are up and down. value is relative. That change the basis of frame of reference.

nickelknight · Answer

Think of it this way, everyone has things they are talented at, and other things they are better off saving for the opposite sex. So if everyone was equal, we would all fail.

mistilika · Answer

No. At times one partner will carry more & others the other partner. For nothing harsher than lifes reasons childbirth, illness, work schedules but there's always balance & mutual respect.

Petersonal · Answer

I dont think so I will not be happy in that relationship.

Introvert94 · Answer

I don't think so. I think one would respect the other less.

rakesh78695 · Answer

Never in a single line relationshio is all about respecting each other.

lostheart133 · Answer

No if u don't see your partner as a equal u can't have a relationship because in that persons mind they have no type of rights

MuffinKing912 · Answer

No. If you don't respect your partner, how can your relationship last. It's only destined to crash and burn

mohahrr · Answer

A person like this can have no successful relationship in his life because he sees people in the form of layers I hate these kind of people

SteveK · Answer

I see it as more important that your partner is a good compliment to you rather than an equal. Equal is a bit of a subjective term also.

tsuds · Answer

No, eventually the other will feel less than or neglected and leave

Georgeg123 · Answer

Can't say you can sorry bro unless they like being the lesser but very few are like that , honestly

ricky-775 · Answer

Yaa.. but u should always see ur partner above ur level... thats true love of a relationship

Anonymous · Answer

Relationships are only successful when the man dominates and the woman is happily subservient.

Mysteriee · Answer

Why don't you see your partner as an equal?

daydreammarie · Answer

No. That will never work and is quite awful.

Acegoolah · Answer

If they ain't equal how are they a partner?

taleets · Answer

i personally don’t think so

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