Do you still believe in asking for hand in marriage? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

I believe it was once an outdated practice that I would love to say good riddance to. If someone is a grown, consenting adult there is no reason why you should ask their parents' permission (or specifically one such as the father, excluding the mother) to marry this person.

What are your thoughts on this? For those who are married, did you/your partner do this with their/your parents? How did you feel about it?

[BarryLiverstone]

No longer is it asking for permission. But I am still old school and would let her parents know before I propose. It’s a sign of respect; after all they will be a part of my family as well

[Asker]

I respect that. I don't think there's anything wrong with the couple informing both sides of the family they're getting married.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thank you for saying it’s respectful. As I see marriage as both people adding to the others family, it seems logical to let them know. Wouldn’t ever think to ask for permission like the other person is property.. that seems way outdated right?

[Asker]

Yes exactly. Letting the family know is a different scenario than asking permission.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll still get down on one knee and ask her to marry me tho. Not sure how that would happen and hope she didn’t say no ;)

[BCRanger10]

What's wrong with it? It's ultimately a show of respect for the first man who loved her and the man who raised her.

[Asker]

Because of the history behind it (women were property of their fathers until they got married, then became property of their husbands). I'm aware it doesn't mean that anymore, but I don't think it's necessary since nothing can be stopped when two consenting adults are getting married. Also, why only the father and not the mother? Who carried her for nine months, went through birth and took part in raising her to become a woman? That's where the piece of history comes from when women were "owned" by their fathers, and the mothers were most likely left out of that conversation.

If it's a sign of respect and he is willing to "ask" her father, then she should "ask" his mother for his hand in marriage since she's the first woman who loved him and the woman who raised him. There's no reason why it shouldn't go both ways then if it's something they absolutely want to do.

[war_daddy]

marriage needs to go