Why Do Southerners Get Married So Young and Soon?

[Anonymous]

As someone who was born and raised in the upper midwest and moved to the deep south at the age of 11 and has been living in the south for 12 years, there has been a lot of things that I've noticed a difference in. One of the things I noticed was how young people would get married down here. When I tuned 20, at the start of COVID, I noticed people in my age group getting married one after another. It was never-ending. I never had a boyfriend, still living at home and still in college, you can imagine the pressure I was under.

Since 2020, I personally know over 15 couple who are either now married w/without children or engaged to be married. The women would be from 18-23 years of age and the men would be from 20-27 years of age. This baffled me and still does as a 23 year old female, who's still single, living at home and getting my Bachelors with goals of moving out of the south and traveling before settling down. I should say that I am a Christian and so is everyone else I know.

Am I being ridiculous or have others noticed and have been or are going through the same thing as I am? And is this the norm or the standard for Southerners to marry young and soon because I just don't understand the rush!

[WindAtMyBack]

It depends on the culture and how people are raised. When I was young it was very common for people to get married at that age. And they were more likely to stay married.

In the more distant past, it was more common to get married in the mid teens or earlier. But they were raised in a very different way. If you treat a 12-13 year old like a child, with the expectation that they will not be an adult for another 10+ years, then they will not mature as fast as 12-13 year olds who have been taught and given the responsibilities of an adult. They grow and mature very differently.

In the modern first world, there is the expectation of going to college and, more and more, the expectation of going to grad school. They might not enter the world and be on their own until their mid-20s or later. Whereas in the past, people were probably working and taking on responsibilities since they were little.

The responsibilities people take on are closely related to the expectations made of them. There is nothing inherently young about getting married in the late teens or early twenties. I know multiple couples who were dating in middle school who got married not long after high school. They are still married almost 50 years later. They are obviously doing something right.

[Avicenna]

The people you know are more likely to be conservative Christians and may be more marriageable at a young age.

[Asker]

What do you mean by "marriageable at a young age?"

[Anonymous]

Southern Christian conservatives have very strong beliefs when it comes to family values. They hold onto the belief that the family unit is the most important thing within society, and that belief is coupled with their Biblical beliefs. Some parents raise their daughters to be wives and mothers, and their sons to be husbands, providers and fathers. And so, many people raised in this fashion feel ready for marriage much sooner.

[LazerBean]

Southerners are more likely to be Christian. Christians are less likely to sleep around a lot, and people who don't sleep around get married sooner than people who do. Pretty much all my friends my age are also married, so yeah it's Def a thing.

[OlderAndWiser]

You seem to be exxposed to a skewed population. The average age of first marriage is not that low anywhere in the US.

https://www.marriage.com/advice/pre-marriage/average-age-of-marriage-by-state/

[Asker]

I disagree. In certain regions and areas of the United States, that varies

In the area I live in, it's much younger.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you compiled statistics from marriage license applications in your area, or is this based on your perception of how young people in your circle of friends get married?

[Asker]

Have you? Because you're the one claiming how it's a skewed population. I believe only one of us lives in my city/town and would know. Otherwise, your claims are just for a specific group in a specific area.

[OlderAndWiser]

You didn’t ask about your town. Your question asked about Southerners. I cited statistics with a state by state listing. Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Tennessee, Louisiana, Mississippi, Texas, Arkansas.

[Asker]

Southern states include Kentucky, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, District of Columbia, Tennessee, Arkansas, North and South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, and Oklahoma. Did you check for all of them?

[Asker]

And it's going to vary from state to state. So don't say that it's skewed when it's only an average and it doesn't represent all of the states.

[OlderAndWiser]

OBVIOUSLY, you did not look at the source I cited.

Most people define Southern states as those who were part of the Confederacy during the civil war. That excludes Kentucky, West Virginia, Maryland, District of Columbia, and Oklahoma.

[Asker]

I don't care what most people define as southern states. The states I listed are the official southern states. Who cares what people think southern states are! Get it through your thick skull that Kentucky, West Virginia, Maryland, Florida and Oklahoma are southern states. And to prove you still don't know what you or others are talking about District of Columbia is not a state. It is a city on which the US capitol resides in.

[Asker]

Why don't you take a look at a more credible source about what is a southern state and what's not

https://www.britannica.com/place/the-South-region

[OlderAndWiser]

I'll bet you rarely get beyond a first date. It's obvious why you are still single. Spewing your venoom at me won't change anything in your life.

I am a Southerner and my family has been in the South for over 300 years, so you lecturing me on what constitutes Southern states is ludicrous. Your "official" source is Britannica? What makes that official?

I understand that DC is not a state and I never said it is a state. That was you who made the statement: "Southern states include Kentucky, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, District of Columbia, . . ."

Whatever state you are in, the statistics I cited include your state and they don't show girls getting married at an average age below 23, as you suggested. That's only important if you care about facts.

[Asker]

This statement goes to show how "wise" you really are lop

Britannica is a reliable and credible source. I should know. Why? Because I'm getting my degree in Professional Studies. So I think I'd know more about what a credible source would be than you would. Your credible source would probably be the radio or a newspaper 📰

Recalling back, you did include District of Columbia as a state, when its not and even left out many other southern states that are in fact southerner. And me getting beyond a first date is like you getting not be able to get beyond your bedside for assistance to help you with you diaper.

But my love life is none of your business and my love life will succeed with or without your "help". Your research, of course, doesn't equate to my experience and studies. Average is just that, average. Of course, an older and wiser person would know, right?

[OlderAndWiser]

You have spouted off a great deal without knowing anything about me. How much education do you think I have?

I suspect that you are getting a degree in professional trolling.

[Asker]

Same to you, thinking you know me and acting like you know it all. Both of us don't know everything. And I think on my student portal it says "Professional Studies". And the person trolling on "my" post is you!

[monorprise]

The question is why do western women get married soo old. The marriage age thou-out history for women has been their late Teens to early 20's around the world for good reasons.

Women have a short window to have children they really can't afford to wait until their mid to late 30s

[Asker]

If you're talking 30s or even early 40s, that is not old. They'll still be able to bear children. Some with complications, some without.

When one has children very early in life, there are a lot of health risks, such as more bouts of depressions, your social life tends to drop, a woman ages faster and looses sleep, which can cause more health problems...

Your backwards and totally inaccurate way of thinking about women in their 30s and 40s bearing children is "old" is not only old fashion, but it has been proven wrong. Many women in their 30s and 40s have had great pregnancies.

[monorprise]

Im sorry to say but that is old bordering on too old in your 40s. Its not your opinion that matters but nature. A woman's social life and inability to deal with children at younger ages is a modern social problem not a nature problem.

Specifically we tried to move from Full (include grandparents and cousins) to nuclear (just parents) and now one parent families while raising the bar on everything soo high as to take decades just to meet said social standard.
All of that changed in just the last century in the west, mostly because of things like Social security and to a lesser extent the mobility demands of modern industry.

Shockingly someone just starting out can't afford to do everything on their own many women can't even handle it mentally. This new bar afforded sociality set for us is indeed out of reach and that is why the same sociality is dying.

[monorprise]

Every penny we spent keeping grandparents in their own home rather than helping raise the grandstands in their kid's home is a penny we didn't spends on raising and supporting those children.
Its a penny instead spend depriving them of the bulk of their historic support system.

[Asker]

60 is considered old. 40 is middle age. You don't even qualify for social security at that age. It's still young, despite what you think.

Even in 2 psychology classes that I took, in both classes, it mentions have 40 is still young for both men and women.

[monorprise]

We are talking about family not life as a whole. And I dont care what the university who put kids into a life time of dept chasing careers for which there are no jobs says.

They don't care that you know the truth to have a good life even if they themselfs knew the truth.

[Asker]

That is included. Makes no difference. Now if we're getting up in our 50s, yes, there's a change.

And someone is either salty or jelly! If you wanna up your life and stop disappointing yourself, you could apply to a university, if they'll accept you and further your career and wealth if you wanted, but you trying to make me feel about about getting a higher education and make something of myself so I can do the things I want, which I will, is absurd and pitiful. Just sad. I might go in debt for a little while, but in the end, I will be doing things and going places that I want. What about you?

[monorprise]

I wish that were so but the older a woman gets the less likely she will be able to have kids even with IVF your odds are not good after 40

[Asker]

Not true, again. Man, a man's ego is so fragile and weak that he can't take a full grown woman, who's independent, has a career and knows what she wants. Man very intimidating for you I see.

[monorprise]

No, men don't like to marry and remaining committed to self-obsessed career driven independent women for reasons that frankly should be self-evident. She's married to herself alone and doesn't value what he brings to the table.
But thats fine for most men as they really just need to pump and dump her and let her do all the work by herself.

When she starts doing that work independently all by herself however has nothing to do with men and everything to do with her own female biology.
You can look it up for yourself or go talk to a doctor. No need to take my word for it. They will tell you to get your eggs frozen.

[Asker]

And what would a man of the opposite of her bring to the table?

That's how dumb you are! You think an independent woman equals lonely, worthless being? I think you need some self esteem and get an education. Maybe you'll get yourself a worthwhile woman.

[monorprise]

Men who have been properly prepared for the world as unfortunately most post-90's have not can work and provide resources to ALLOW a woman the time to focus on her children.

Rather than frantically try to hold 2 jobs and raise children at the same time, failing at both. This is what I do for my wife who can devote herself as much as she feels is necessary to the needed care of our children.

This is what a man brings to the table, and what 'independent' women lose, the ability to relax and be secure with the help if not a family all together as those women who don't move quickly enough too often do.

[Asker]

Oh mercy mercy you. Have mercy on yourself. Women don't like men like this! Oh how badly you must feel about yourself. You need self esteem.

[monorprise]

Its fine by guys to simply pump and dump a woman to take care of raising his kid with little or no help from him. He get the good life of using all his time and resources for himself alone.

This is what the top 10% women all want to date are basically doing with their never settle down one night stand. As nice as they talk and good as they look your not getting anything but phony feelings and maybe a lifetime comendment without help.

If you want to call that independence and empowerment, I'm sure only the people who care about you will have a problem with that, and that is NOT the man you slept with.

[sheikalana]

I guess they tend to me more conservative, traditional and family oriented.

[slatyb]

It's not a southern thing. It's a money thing, a non-college thing.

[Asker]

There are some with a college degree. It may not be a Bachelors, Masters and some may have just gotten a certificate. Or some are still in school.

Finishing school and getting a job should be achieved first than getting married.

[DextroShade]

You have it completely backwards: a woman has a reletively short amount of time to get married and start a family but can go to college at any age so it makes much more sense for her to start the family first and work on her career later.

[lwlwl4l4]

A lot of Southerners are Christians, so they get married and have families as soon as they graduate high school. Of course, not all of them do that, though. I know a handful that don't even want to get married or have kids.

[Anonymous]

nothing else better to do

[Asker]

How so, when there's getting a degree or certification? Traveling? Getting to know what you like, want and need? Meeting people and expanding your circle of friends? Taking up on a new hobbie? Improving oneself for the greater good?

[Opinion Owner]

the south is mostly rural.

[Asker]

I live in the city part, but I guess

[DextroShade]

They are smart to marry young, it's the thots who ride the cock carousel through their 20's and then expect a husband to show up in their 30's who are stupid.

[Asker]

Once again, ignorance is not a pretty color on anyone. Your claims are flase and untrue according to the average amount of women who are more educated than you and who are getting their education and career on, rather than focusing on marriage as the only thing to make them "happy".

[Asker]

Marriage is no guarantee. Any smart person would know this. I guess you're not.

[DextroShade]

Women who prioritize education and career over marriage and family tend to die miserable and alone. I don't care if a woman has a PhD or a GED it doesn't matter to me or other men who are worth a damn.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

It's human nature to get married and want to start a family.

Typically whores and whoremongers are the ones who delay marriage or don't get married at all.

[Asker]

This is not only ignorant but totally false.

Many people are a) not yet ready for marriage, b) have no desire for marriage or to start a family, believe it or not, c) have not found that right person and one whose on their level or d) have a wanting yearning for adventure, exploring, gaining experience before wanting to settle down. Getting a global education is something that's takened for granted by a lot of people.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

It's not false at all. Human history proves its a fact.

[Asker]

It's not the reason why.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Why you think is the reason why?

Most men and women don't like to sleep around as to start isn't safe, the sex isn't steady and often not as pleasurable as with a wife or husband.

Getting married in your late 20's or beyond has never been the norm in human history nor ever will be.

[Asker]

Your statements are not factual but instead biased. You have never done any research nor actually become aware of the things and people around you

[Asker]

Getting married in your late teens/early 20s is not a wise decision for people to make for many factors that you want to ignore and exclude for reasons you're biased about.

[lightbulb27]

too much sweet tea...

[Asker]

Lol 👍🏽