Why do my single colleagues give me the side eye when I say my husband thinks I should or shouldn't do a certain thing?

Question

I'm married and most of my colleagues are not. The ones that are single always seem very desperate to find someone but can never keep a relationship or cannot even go past the first date.

Honestly I'm fed up of hearing their conversations. We're in such different phases of our lives and I feel like we don't have much in common. But they're my colleagues so I have to deal with them at work.

It has happened frequently where they invite me to go out for dinner/drinks and I always refuse to go. I say I have things to do but the truth is I don't really care to go out with a bunch of single women and I'd rather go home to my husband and take care of him and spend time with him.

They sometimes mock me and say that I have to live a little, as if they actually know what's going on in my life. I'm happily married and I take my role as a wife very seriously. I'm happy with taking care of the house and cooking and is something that is not a burden to me. Me and my husband always find ways to have fun together and we love to spend time with each other.

I always tell everything to my husband and always ask for his advice before making certain decisions. When my husband is not present I'm the type of person who says "I need to talk to my husband first before making XYZ decision." Recently, I had to tell them my husband thinks I shouldn't do a certain thing and I feel that they looked down on me one of them even said "so your husband has a say on everything you do?" I didn't like the way she spoke to me and said "well, his my husband, I'm his wife and this is our marriage." and turned my back.

They think I say Yes to everything my husband asks but to be honest to me my husband is my mentor in a lot of things and his opinion matters a lot to me. I don't ever want to come out as someone who doesn't share the same opinion as my husband or that we're not on the same page. We live a happy marriage and this is how things work for us and we are a great team.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You are a very good wife , for wearing your husbands’ shoes the same way he should be wearing yours , if he does? you have a very good marriage , because you are both making each other your top priority , and choosing each other over everyone else and that’s how love grows in relationships. sadly Most people in general are very selfish people , that only really care about themselves and then they wonder why their relationships don’t last, it’s because they don’t make their partner their top priority and that’s where most relationships begin to fail. Your colleagues are jealous of your marriage and sadly they are toxic to your marriage as well, by mocking you for choosing your husband over them, Your colleagues wish they had what you had , so you are doing the right thing by not choosing them over your husband , one thing I learned about relationships , is to never choose your friends or colleagues over your partner , a true friend will support your marriage and be happy for your marriage , a toxic friend will try to sabotage it , because they are jealous of what you have , the truth is , toxic friends aren’t really your friends’ they are just acquaintances, the second one of those colleagues or toxic friends meets someone and falls in love , you won’t even hear from them anymore, mark my words, My ex started choosing her toxic friends over me , and started going to bars and clubs with them , I pretty much knew my marriage was over by her choosing them over me , when she never left my side before , My ex started to become selfish and only thinking about what was best for her , I was no longer a priority to her , She started excluding me and telling me to go out with friends as well , I laughed because she stopped me from hanging out with friends when her and I officially got together , but after many years together she just decided one day I was no longer her priority when she met a group of single toxic girls’ that were influencing her to go to bars and clubs all of a sudden when she was never a drinker , My ex was dressing up like she was looking to get hit on by other men by wearing clothes that made her boobs stick out , doing her hair and make up , she would tell me she would be home late , I said ok , have a blast , even though I was hurting inside , and thinking to myself why is she doing this all of a sudden , then I was angry because it was a double standard , that now all of a sudden this is ok for her to do when it wasn’t ok for me , So instead of arguing with her , I started making plans with my friends and excluding her , the second she started seeing me go out without her is when she started getting insecure and thinking I was up to no good. She would ask to join me and I would say Nope , you excluded me from your friends so I am excluding you from mine , she look devastated when I was leaving , so I had a change of heart and said come on let’s go , I talked to her privately and said do you now see how I felt when you were excluding me for your single friends , she agreed and we worked things out for a short period of time until o found out she was having an affair , and that’s when I threw in the towel

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

OK so those single ladies definitely giving you side eye sounds annoying! Like it's your life and your marriage so who cares what they think? They're probably just jealous 'cause they can't find someone and you got a good thing going. Don't let them get to you.

As for going out with them, you gotta do what feels right for you and your husband. Nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with him instead of going out with a bunch of single girls! Like you said, you're in different stages of life now.

And you're right, it's great to run big things by your hubby and have him as your sounding board. You two do what works best for your relationship. The other girls just need to back off and worry about their own love lives. Don't feel bad for being happy with what you have! Next time they try judging, just be like whatever haha not my problem you're lonely! Keep doing you.

devilish-cutie · Accepted Answer

They can't understand as their life circumstances are different. In my case is the opposite, all married people, few as me single, and many do look upon it and have a thing to say like when will you get married? You are too picky etc. Exactly, like they know anything about my life. People will always be like that, not accept you if you are "different" than them. You just have your opinion, but try to hang out with them a bit, to the point you can, to have good relationships as you work together. And dont share too much of the things they won't undersrand, like how you make decisions. If your husband is making decisions and you follow him like a puppy, that doesn't sound right, but if you both have a say in decision making and compromise, thats normal.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i dunno... you can be married AND be independent and make your own decisions. i think it's a bit outdated and weird to be asking for permission all of the time. you don't need to make your whole personality that you're a wife, that you have a husband, that you're married. also, just don't tell your coworkers about your personal life. that was your first mistake.

otherwise, i do hope you have friends outside of work (not coworkers) so you can do other things than just be a wife, because it's healthy to get out every once in awhile with friends.

wolfcat87 · Answer

Does your husband consult you and ask you for permission for everything the way you do with him? If not, then that's an issue. Other than that, it's normal to run big things by a spouse. It is weird that you imply that you have to ask him for permission about EVERY decision... That just sounds controlling and like you're incredibly codependent. Not healthy.

For example, If I want to do something I'll say, "I'm going out with these people, to this place, for this amount of time. Are you good with that? " That's running it by him without really asking for permission. It's just verifying he doesn't need me for anything else, and he does the same with his plans.

Lara_Croft · Answer

Bruh, I'll say 'Let me ask my husband first' is a phrase most women even modern ones actually would love to hear themselves say by God's Grace. Find Godly married woman in your community- I am glad you're different. Repent and believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ first though if you haven't yet

Saiesh30 · Answer

One word. Jealous.
When they're jealous, all they can do is mock you or make fun of you.
I really respect the way you are. It's a world where women like you are not in majority which is another reason they look down upon you.
Fact - they're unimportant. And you care about the one who's important. ✌🏻

Anonymous · Answer

As the late Kevin Samuels once said, “Single women keep women single.” They mock your marriage and try to plant seeds of doubt in the hopes that you will become as jaded as they are. These women are single for a reason, and they continue to be single for a reason.

You are doing the right thing, prioritizing your husband and marriage. Until these ladies learn to prioritize others above themselves, they will continue to have failed relationships.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

Eh
While they can be jealous, all of this behaviour you're showing can also be secret signs of abuse. While it's not the case with you, I'd also be similar in my reactions to a colleague saying the same stuff.

Jennz6 · Answer

You are so fortunate to have a great relationship with your husband.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Because you are a good wife and they get left at the curb every Monday morning

Anonymous · Answer

They haven't reached gear 5 yet.

Why do my single colleagues give me the side eye when I say my husband thinks I should or shouldn't do a certain thing?

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