Do you believe that if you get married you're forfeiting your freedom?

[SolitarySolace]

Yes

No

[Lliam]

I wouldn't call it "forfeiting" your freedom. You are agreeing to a partnership, which means that you can no longer think only about yourself and do whatever you want. Rather, two partners have to be concerned about each other's happiness, welfare and sense of fulfillment. They work together as a team.

You still have freedom, but you also have a trusted best friend who loves, admires and cares about you. You can collaborate, confide and do things together, build a happy life and plan for the future.

I had girlfriends from the time I was 16. They were wonderful girls, but I wasn't ready to settle down and I had no interest in commitment to a family. I needed to see more of the world and experience life. Yes, I wanted my freedom. It wasn't until my early 30s that I thought I had done everything I wanted to do and was ready to begin a new chapter with a life-long companion. I met my future wife when I was 40 and married her two years later.

We've been married for almost 27 years. We have had a LOT of fun and built a wonderful life together. We have helped each other to grow. At this point, I'd be lonely and miserable without her.

I did not lose anything. I gained.

[SolitarySolace]

Your in your 70s. Your generation of women didn't hate men like mine does.

[Lliam]

Excuses, excuses.

[SolitarySolace]

How is that an excuse? 😂

[Lliam]

Women hate men? LOL Maybe they just have no respect for those certain kinds of men who have no respect for women. Maybe they are looking for good, honorable men and don't have to put up with self centered, manipulating, douche bags from your generation.

[SolitarySolace]

Yeah, you’re only looking at it from the woman’s perspective. Why should I have to live under the boot of a woman who’s just going to cheat on me? Falsely accuse me? Use me for my money? I’ve had all of the above happen to me. It seems every time I attempt to see where something will go with a woman one of the above happens again. Then I end up pissed at myself for even trying to see where things would go. It’s better to stay single

[Lliam]

I get that you are bitter. But I don't understand why you think your own experience is an indictment against women and marriage in general. It's like saying that you ate a piece of rotten meat, therefore all meat is bad.

[SolitarySolace]

Unless every time you eat meat you get sick and if it keeps happening you’re not going to want to eat it anymore.

[Lliam]

That sounds like a personal problem.

[tremendousfern]

@Lliam So it's only the men who are to blame? Women who walk around dressed like sluts, initiate the majority of divorces, sleep around with a half dozen men are all pure and innocent right? You haven't been in the dating world for over a quarter century, gramps, stop pretending like you know what you're talking about.

[Lliam]

@tremendousfern. Ahh, another butt hurt loser that women can't stand. And no wonder. The fact that your angry rant had nothing to do with what I said indicates that you are an irrational imbecile. I'll bet the only people you can get along with are your incel, MGTOW drinking buddies.
Cry away. 😭😭😭

[tremendousfern]

lmao, you talk a lot of shit about this imaginary "incel" boogeyman but don't ever criticize the poor behavior of women. You're a simp. And once again, you have zero authority on advising anyone on modern dating considering you've been out of the dating scene for decades. You would think by 70 you'd have the maturity to have learned to stick to your own wheelhouse, but apparently not.

[Lliam]

@tremendousfern. Your problem is, you never grew up and learned how to be a man. You're still blaming others for your own bad attitude.

[tremendousfern]

I have a great attitude. You're a simp. Simple as that.

[Lliam]

@tremendousfern. “Simp" is a slang term used to describe a person who is perceived as overly submissive or even desperate for the attention or affection of someone without receiving anything in return.
I suspect that your definition of simp is valuing women and treating then with respect like human beings. You know, not being an ass hole.

If you had a great attitude, you wouldn't be pissed off about my original response to the question.

[tremendousfern]

You're simping for sluts by pretending that they don't exist and that only men are to blame for the state of the modern dating market. I've explained this all ready, old man, learn to read.

And if you think I'm pissed off, it's you projecting your own emotions on to me.

[Lliam]

@tremendousfern. Who's projecting?" LOL You are reading things into my comment that I never said.
But I do tend to defend the female gender from angry, bitter, insufferable misanthropes like you, just as I would defend the male gender from angry, bitter, insufferable, misanthropic women.

[tremendousfern]

"If you had a great attitude, you wouldn't be pissed off about my original response to the question." That's you. It's amazing that I have to remind you of your own words. Dementia is coming for you, gramps.

Sure, but the criticism isn't being directed against all women, but rather the slutty and disloyal women. Why are you white knighting for them?

[Lliam]

@tremendousfern. You're the one who brought up the subject of "slutty" women.
Personally, I'm not the slut police. People can do what they want. And I'm not interested in your definition of slutty or your lack of success in finding a holy virgin.

You can get drunk and cry to your incel and MGTOW buddies all night long. I don't give a fuck about your angst.

I do have to say that I'm glad I wasn't as stupid as you when I was 34. And thank goodness I've continued to gain experience and wisdom. You just sound like a whinny brat who can't take responsibility for your own life.

[tremendousfern]

Yeah, like I thought, you're a dipshit simp.

MGTOW and incel culture is just as poisonous as feminism and sluts, but because you're a degenerate simp and probably a porn addict you can't say anything critical of women who exhibit slutty behavior. Effeminate men like yourself are disgusting.

[Lliam]

@tremendousfern. Your true nature is apparent, tremendous💩. A mentally unbalanced, intellectually impotent degenerate hurling school yard insults.
Simps and sluts! Simps and sluts! Is that all that occupies your twisted mind?

Instead of monsters, do you imagine malevolent sluts hiding in your closet and under your bed waiting to come out at night to corrupt you?

[At3mis24]

That's why I'm not really in joy about thinking of a relationship, so I only accept in my life my soulmate.

[DarkLegacy]

If you marry a woman then yes, since women control men these days and quite often use sex as blackmail to get their own way.

[SolitarySolace]

Exactly.

"Since women control men these days and quite often use sex as blackmail to get their own way."

This is why I say women gain power through sex with men. If only not men understood this and actually did something about it

[SolitarySolace]

More*

[DarkLegacy]

Yes i know and then they complain about men only wanting sex, i never let any woman control me that way.

[SolitarySolace]

Me neither

[jorfan3]

No. In fact, I have discovered more personal freedom while I've been married than when I was single.

I've been codependent for a long time, and this is my first healthy relationship. We've taken the time to both go to therapy, and grow as individuals.

I found an immense amount of freedom in that. Now I'm able to go do my own thing without worrying about my partner, or how long I am going to be apart from them. It's very freeing.

[SolitarySolace]

Is that because your partner is living under your boot? Has he no freedom? “Happy wife happy life”

[jorfan3]

My husband gets what he wants most of the time. I really try to spoil him 😅

[SolitarySolace]

So that he can remain under your boot?

[RefriedBeans]

Yes, of course. But love is pretty cool. He bought me a vacuum for Christmas. It had eight million attachments. I loved how excited he was to show me the eight million attachments.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you have chosen the right partner. . . I believe that a committed relationship or marriage requires a compromise on the degree of a person's unfettered autonomy, in exchange for having love, affection, and companionship with a devoted partner. It is a compromise I am willing to make.

[SolitarySolace]

If there were such a thing as the right partner divorces wouldn't be a thing

[OlderAndWiser]

Wrong. Many people choose the wrong partner. The fact that some people get divorced doesn’t prove that marriage is a flawed institution.

[SolitarySolace]

It is a flawed institution because it benefits the woman. Marriage for men is a huge risk. I honestly don't understand why men still marry. "Happy wife happy life" is an extremely flawed mantra probably created by feminists to empower women

[OlderAndWiser]

Self fulfilling prophecy

[SolitarySolace]

How so?

[snowboarder720]

The answer is no.
Any commitment you make it forfeits freedoms for more freedoms. Everyone who honestly thinks getting married is nothing but a trap doesn’t know what it’s like to be in a real relationship when you take good care of each other for our own well beings.
I’m not going to say that all marriages are healthy. What I will say is a true healthy marriage is like marrying someone who takes care of you and preserves everything that makes you, you.


One of my biggest fears of living alone and single was being incredibly sick or seriously injured. Who will take care of me? Who will feed me?
As an athlete who competes in world championships I’ve sprained my ankle 4 different times. Having to take care of myself during all of those times was the biggest pain in the ass. I knew I couldn’t keep doing this as I grew older. Being married was definitely one of the best moves I’ve ever done in my life.

[SolitarySolace]

You must not know what it’s like to get divorced and have multiple ex wives who have taken your money and resources. I’m sure you will someday.

If you’re single and end up sick you would have your family and friends to support you. You don’t need a woman who will just wait for you to die so that she can claim all of your money, resources, kids ext.

[snowboarder720]

That’s based on a lot of assumptions. You’re assuming that I have living family members, that I live close to my family, and my family has resources to help me. Also assuming that my friends don’t have respect for their own schedules and will aid me in any instance.

Relationships aren’t for everyone. If it’s not handled correctly it can hurt you, like all things in life. Just because it wasn’t handled correctly the first time shouldn’t mean it can’t be handled correctly the second or third time. The great thing about love is money shouldn’t matter. If you find love in its purest form it will love you for who you are. Broke or rich. I’m not going to say that it’s easy I will say that it’s worth it when you find it.

Best of luck to you.

[SolitarySolace]

So your saying you have no family nor friends who care enough to help you in your times of need? Then what are you going to do if your only life line decides she doesn’t love you anymore? Or starts to abuse you either physically or emotionally or even mentally?

You’re right about money shouldn’t matter. The problem with that though is that money is the only thing women care about. If you were fired from your job and lost your car do you think she’d really stick around? I’m pretty sure another guy with money would start looking real good to her. Women don’t love men, they love our wallets and The fact that we live under her boot

[snowboarder720]

What I said was you’re making a lot of assumptions about me, my family, my friends, and my marriage.
It isn’t in your place to judge me or how I live my life and where I get my support or how my marriage is managed.
Relationships are about supporting each other for the love of each other (friends, family, and romantic). If they are not taken care of on both sides it will fail. There’s professional therapists that help you self manage and maintain healthy relationships. If you find yourself struggling to know what is a healthy relationship then I encourage you to find a therapist who can help you in your journey to finding self love and romantic love too.
Just because love has hurt you the first time you shouldn’t allow that outcome of your first relationship define you for how you see all relationships. It’s important to heal, learn, and move forward.

Based off of what I’ve read from your comments you definitely have something’s you need to heal from. I suggest finding professional help for that because it’s definitely not healthy to live that way.

[snowboarder720]

Learning what is healthy and what isn’t healthy takes some serious learning with an open perspective. It took me until I was over 30 to really understand boundaries, love languages, defense mechanisms, and coping strategies.
Most of my therapy journey has been understanding myself and how I can self manage my own unhealthy triggers. About 95% of therapy is learning about yourself. After you understand that you really do have a greater understanding of what is healthy and what isn’t. It’s absolutely worth knowing that before stepping into a serious relationship because you really don’t know what you’re doing that’s unhealthy in a relationship. It shouldn’t be the responsibility of your partner to deal with your unhealthy habits and if you choose to not listen to them when they mean to point them out to you then they SHOULD leave you.

[SolitarySolace]

I do see therapy. He knows about my thoughts on all of this and you know what he says? After every session he says I’m doing fine.
It wasn’t one relationship, it was 4, then a female friend falsely accused me. Then i was conned by another woman out of $1,000. Yet everyone says it’s my fault? Why should i continue giving even in general chances? The next time i try I’ll probably end up in prison for no good reason.
If you want to continue believing that women actually give a fuck about you be my guest. Continue living under her boot without realizing it. Supposedly healthy or not I’m not a far better situation than you are.

[SolitarySolace]

I’m in a far better situation than you*

[snowboarder720]

That’s quite the rude comment for someone who was giving an opinion that you asked about in a public forum. That’s interesting how you continue to make assumptions about me and my relationships. It’s evident that you find nothing wrong about you and how you self manage.

Have the day that you deserve 👋🏻

[Flatmanlewis]

Not at all. In fact, it’s quite liberating. I don’t have to spend time trying to connect with any girl I find remotely attractive. I don’t need ti attend every social event invite hoping to meet some woman worth my time. I don’t have to constantly self-evaluate if I’m bringing my best A-game to every female I meet.


I can enjoy the slow pace of life (when I can find it) with someone who knows me and cares for me. I can focus on the life we want for ourselves. I can politely decline every social event or avoid interactions since I stand to lose nothing. I can freely spend my time backpacking or diving or smoking a cigar, confident that I can come home to share my story and a warm meal with someone I love. When I have a weak day I find support. When they have a weak day, I can be there for them.


It’s absolutely liberating.


Sure, I lost the freedom to go chase ransom chicks and party until 0300 but truth be told, that gets frigging old after a while.

[Glideess]

Only if you marry the wrong person. If you marry someone with similar values to you, have mutual respect, and good communication, then you should have a healthy marriage without feeling 'trapped'. The old ball and chain meme that boomers like to spread aren't really true if you truly felt out your options and dated long enough to know yourself and what you want from a relationship, and are with someone who did the same. Of course, there are sacrifices in any relationship, but the pros outweigh the cons.

[CozyCoffin]

Nope. You're just declaring that you're committed to each other, more so than when you're in an exclusive relationship. You're getting numerous laws like tax, medical, and other things into effect, also as a man, you could also put yourself at risk in a divorce situation, but that depends on the government.

[ChiTown33]

Only in the sense that you're a partnership now. Simple life decisions that were solely your own have to consider your partner if you want the partnership to remain successful. Most aren't that tough if you married right. But nobody no matter how close thinks exactly alike. If you truly view marriage as loss of freedom you probably aren't ready for it. And I'm not talking "cold feet". Everyone gets that right before. That's natural.

[Tina19]

Yes of course because the other person will have expectations from you and you will need to do things for their happiness at some point you will have to listen to them and make adjustment

[SolitarySolace]

Women don't do that though.

[Tina19]

In my country they do because they have to if they are married

[SolitarySolace]

What country would that be? And what would the punishment be for them not? I might have to consider leaving my country lol

[snowboarder720]

Just because they have expectations doesn’t mean you need to abide by them. Those are called boundaries. Everyone needs to respect your boundaries, including your spouse. If your spouse truly loves you they will respect everything about you. Boundaries, love languages, and all.

[snowboarder720]

Ah if you’re living in a country with messed up marriage laws then yeah this is a completely different story that I can’t speak about.

[SolitarySolace]

As if America doesn’t have messed up marriage laws 🤣🤣🤣

[RoronoaZoro8]

In some ways you will have to compromise in a relationship, which I guess could be seen as losing some aspects of your freedom but ultimately if you marry the right person and communicate well you shouldn't feel like you lose anything.

[Biancam13]

Not if you're marrying the right person. The right person would enhance your life in such a way that you would feel worse without them in it. You would feel free with that person and insanely happy (most of the time.) Until you meet that person, don't marry.

If you feel like you're forfeiting your freedom in a relationship, then it isn't the right person.

[SolitarySolace]

There is no such thing as the right person. That is a false idea that compels people to continue searching for something that doesn’t exist. Everyone struggles in relationships. Relationships are never perfect. So this idea of a fictional “right person” is pathetic.

[Biancam13]

I disagree, personally. I was like what the OP describes until I found my now long-term boyfriend. I feared commitment because I had this belief that if I were to be in a relationship with someone, I couldn't do what I want, when I want.

But then I found a guy who is almost exactly like me and shares the same values. He is the 'right person' FOR ME. I have the freedom to totally be myself in this relationship and he will accept me regardless. Now I have realised that feeling free comes from me, not from my circumstances.

[SolitarySolace]

That’s probably because your man is a simp who is totally cool with living under your boot. Men have been made to believe that they are not worthy of women's affection. If a woman loves you, that means you are one of the lucky few & you must do anything to keep her even when she treats you like shit.
This love is sold by media, movies, books, courts etc.
UNLEARN THIS!

[Flatmanlewis]

The right person isn’t some dream scenario like a chick flick. The right person is one who compliments who you are, supports you as they too lean on your for support. You share common goals and, at least ideally, spend some time and effort being focused on making each other happy. I understand your jaded place Solitary, as I once found myself in a similar mindset. Yet, I found out I was mistaken.

[SolitarySolace]

What made you believe you were mistaken? I'm not you

[Unit1]

Not only that but also your assets.

Call me crazy but why have i seen marriages ruin both men and women on multiple occasions? more than those, that don't look like human ruins. i see them and think to myself " don't be them ".

[Billlewis]

As a guy, yes, but women should always receive unlimited freedom to date other guys whenever they want, in my opinion.

[Billlewis]

@Claire2002 I'm a beta, but when she needs a real man, she'll spend some quality time with one of her alpha male lovers.

[Snakeyes7]

Not in every case but for the way the marriage laws are set up it can absolutely end up that way.

[SolitarySolace]

Than why is th divorce rate so high?

[Snakeyes7]

Because the marriage institution makes it easy to do so by allowing it to happen with no faults. Hell, even with a fault, the courts don't rule based on evidence.

[exitseven]

No, but you no longer are alone in the world. I had trouble adjusting to that. All of a sudden I had somebody in my life that I was responsible for.

[RainBat]

Yes, it's LITERALLY the EXACT same thing as burying yourself in a landfill.

Exactly the same, not figuratively, LITERALLY, that is what marriage is, marriage means burying yourself.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Especially if she's a ball-breaker or she's gonna basically be a gold-digger, is pushing for offspring, or is a terrific liar 🤗😆

[itsclearlynicholas]

I know I voted yes. That's why I don't believe in rings (fears of degloving and injuries and feels awkward) or marriage, I prefer a law recognised registered de facto or civil partnership, sort of like for heterosexuals what existed for legal rights before gay marriage, so I for one don't like rings, I just like the civil partnership equivalent where I think, I think legally no rings are required 😊😧

[BazookaTrouper]

If you don't lose that game of Russian Roulette by being lucky enough to find someone you can trust, you're fine. If not, you're gonna have a bad time.

[RavVid]

You can't do what you bloody well feel like can you?

[Titanic1912]

I will lose it by the time she walks down the aisle. But I’ll be free to love her and get lost in her smile.

[Peridot25]

If you truly feel that way, it’s best to stay away from marriage.

[SolitarySolace]

Which is exactly what im doing

[Peridot25]

And probably best to stay single, too.

[SolitarySolace]

Been that way by choice for 9 years now. It's my greatest achievement

[laly520]

nope
such topic gotta be discussed before marrying so no one would be confused or forced afterwards

[itsclearlynicholas]

It should always be all laid out and talked out long before or even before , if it were me 😆😅

[laly520]

smart one

[itsclearlynicholas]

Thank you, likewise lady ♀️🙂

[JayBones]

59% of people and counting are stupid or not married but voted anyway

[Shiningtempest]

@SolitarySolace I personally believe I forfeit my freedom when I get married because I generally don't like making compromises.

[grega239]

Well yeah. you're promising yourself to a single person

[Slim57]

Absolutely you are, but that doesn't mean it's an inherently bad thing

[LazerBean]

No, only severely damaged people think that way.

[BCRanger10]

Freedom of... what?

[Paris13]

lol Some, hun. xxoo

[strateguy632]

.1st

[Phoenix98]

Nope.

[elizamichale1]

No not really

[Likes2drive]

Yeah to some degree

[jahaims]

No lol

[postaldudePL123]

Yes.