Is this a situation that requires me to re think about the person am with?

[Anonymous]

My fiance is getting a second hand car , and we have been discussing about that... he said that the car he liked was 12 year old... so i was telling him to go for a much recent one's and to rethink his decision... we have been talking this for quite sometime and i understood he was going to buy the car no matter what... so at one point i told him , its about him so i dont want to bother any longer giving my opinion... but he would still discuss about this... so when it again came up i was telling him about the troubles a old car would cause.. to this he replied since am not putting in any money... i shouldn't have an opinion about it.. i was taken back by the way he responded this... am qyite actually rethinking about what kind of a perosn he really is... am i over reacting or is it okay of me to feel disturbed by this? I feel so disrespected and i am not even sure what kind of person stay stuff like this

[Anonymous]

If he’s the one paying for it and is buying it for himself then I think he’s entitled to make his own decision. He might ask for your opinion and take it into consideration but he has the final say at the end of the day. On the other hand, I can understand why you’d be taken aback by what he said.

As his partner of course you want to put in your two cents and hope that he’ll at least take what you’re saying into consideration. So it’s valid for you to feel disrespected - because he’s not hearing you out.

But then again, if he’s buying it for himself, using his own money, then he gets to decide for himself. It seems like he’s just excited about talking it out with you but he’s already made his mind up about the car so he isn’t really looking for advice or input from you regarding the car. He probably felt like you weren’t being supportive of his decision so he retaliated and got defensive.

[Asker]

I too think its his decision... as he is buying but ain't it disrespectful to tell ur wife to be that if she is not pitching in she can't have a say in it?

[Opinion Owner]

He probably could’ve been nicer about it, seems like he just said it out of frustration. If we were to flip the scenario, let’s say you really want to dye your hair a certain color and he’s completely against it, so he starts pestering you trying to get you to change your mind. Eventually you’ll feel frustrated since he doesn’t seem to share your vision so you tell him “I’m paying for it and it’s my body, so you don’t have a say in this matter”. He’d probably feel offended too but when you said that you were basically just putting your foot down to tell him to back off - with no intention to disrespect him or his opinion right?

[Asker]

Wow thats true... thanks for this perspective

[Opinion Owner]

Glad I could help! xx

[aengus27]

Personally, I feel that since he specifically getting a car for him and not for you both, he should be allowed to choose. Like, my car is 16 years old, but, well. It's a bit too unique for this comparison

Also, older cars are normally much easier to work on

[Asker]

Ya i understand ofcourse he is going to choose what he want... he asked for my opinion so i gave him mine.. but they way he responded to it to be offensive... am i wrong in that? @aengus27

[aengus27]

He probably didn't mean it that way. I think he might have been frustrated about how you weren't accepting of his decisions

[BonzoInBitburg]

If that's the car he likes and he's the one paying for it and driving it, your opinion doesn't really matter. I don't see why he can't drive what he wants.

[In_Trance]

You're pretty immature about this