I’m not having sex until I’m married, but people think it’s a waste of time. Why is it so bad to wait until marriage?

Question

I don’t wanna waste my time with the wrong person and I don’t just wanna have sex and be just a waste. I’m saving it until my wedding night and I want my first time to be special, not a waste. I’ve been asking if I’m a virgin and I bluntly said yes and I’m waiting until I’m married. Then I get ghosted. I understand men have needs too but my needs need to be respected too. My best friend said the worst thing that can happen is even if I get married, the sex may be horrible. She respects my choice but she said there might be a chance of may be with a man that sucks in bed. Wow that was….. harsh.
Some people can’t wait until married okay fine. I’m not judging. I was told wasting until married is a waste because what if marriage never happens and then I would have wish I would have get laid. I got called stubborn and just get laid. I’m a Christian and I chose to not have sex until I get married. Im 25, single and still a virgin.
Even in my one year on a half relationship my ex and I never had sex, but we almost did it. We made out a LOT. He respected my values even though he said he really wanted to do it so bad with me.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

It's a risk either way. I think you wait to commitment and ring and marriage not be that far off. But you gotta explore the compatibility... and a lot of that is solvable looking at emotional compatability, how you solve problems together... not 100%.

Back when the good book was written, the courtship was a year, and often at a young age. They weren't 3 years, until 30... when the females hormones are raging wild. It's torture "making out" and such for the guy and not going there. I assure you, he's having sex, just not with you. This whole process is all about making offspring, nature provides motivation.

It's a slippery slope, and you are the lure...

There are cases of people not being compatible so you have to figure out if you are in synch enough and can work together for decades. Feel free to talk to a therapist if you need to or read a book, watch videos together and talk. I've heard a few people say their first night was bad. It's up to you both to make it good. you'd think it's easy, but it may not be with inexperience. Question is how far you go before marriage, that's your call.

I'm a Christian, married and I waited long long time. I gave up. Id rather have had one girlfriend and wife, but without clearing my roadblocks (primarily emotional and self esteem), who knows where I'd be. Probably single. I've seen Christian marriages blow up. What works in ones mind may not work in reality. A lot of this is dependent upon the two individuals.

Stick to your guns, but respect... this is an important domain and the strongest of natural drugs.

Berethor · Accepted Answer

If you made out a lot then you not really that innocent but yea you technically still a virgin. Yes there is risk that you marry a man who suck at sex, but sex is not a rocket science, and I believe that the risk of being used and dumped is bigger, and after that becoming a used goods for a new man. I am okay with waiting until marriage, though only for a virgin, it likely that a man who is not waning to do that is only looking to use you. You don't need to be worried about admitting that you a virgin as it seen as a good trait for a woman. Myself I am not religious but I respect waiting until marriage, as I don't like hos.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

I’m not having sex until I’m married, but people think it’s a waste of time. Why is it so bad to wait until marriage?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s not a bad thing to wait until marriage. Having a sex drive is not a bad thing either, nor something to be ashamed of. God created sex, and God created humans as sexual beings. As Christians, we believe that God designed sex to be had within the sanctity of marriage. It’s one of the ways we honor God with our bodies. Decide for yourself whether to honor God or honor your lusts.
Sex is so much more than the physical, there is a profound emotional connection that comes with joining two people together. Something that really should be shared with only one other person. As for the fear of sex being bad, that’s why you communicate with your partner about what feels good and teach them how to please you, and learn to please them in return.

SweetDripp · Accepted Answer

When to lose your virginity is a very personal decision. A guy who doesn't want to be with you because it's important to you to wait until marriage is not the right guy for you. It may take longer to find the right guy but it will be worth it to find one that respects your decision to wait.

TheRealPepperPotts · Answer

It doesn't matter what other people think. It matters what you think. If you are waiting because other Christians will judge you, that's not a good reason. If you decide not to wait because other people will judge you, that's not a good reason, either.

I'm a Christian, and I waited because I believed it was the prudent thing to do, in addition to the Biblical standard. If a man pressures you on this point, walk away. He can masturbate if he wants to and it's not a sin for him to do so (porn is obviously another matter). He doesn't need sex. He wants sex. And he is prioritizing what he wants over what you think, what you believe, and your values and personal comfort and security. That's pretty shallow of him.

The first thing guys will do if you hold the line is devalue you. They'll tell you that "no guy will blah blah blah". But the bottom line is that they wouldn't wait or respect you, and they'd like you to believe no other guy would, either. Not true. Don't buy the BS.

A guy who won't respect your value can't afford you, girl. Don't cheapen who you are. Hold the line.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are married. It shows a level of character, patience, dignity and self respect. However to your friend's point, there is a reason why there is a phrase of "try before you buy" and it falls under premarital sex.

You want your partner to be compatible with you on for sure, but there is that lingering what if factor that you have great chemistry everywhere else except to find you sex life isn't compatible in that regard.

You get that far and do all of that just to find out you don't click on that which would be devastating because now you spent all that time waiting, got married and started to share your life with someone you love only to find a big factor of your relationship is now bad and can become non existent.

Now of course there is practice, communication and time to take into account when having sex with someone new and it can grow from there, but it can leave a bad feeling in your gut that you love someone so much you waited to marry them and save sex until after you got married only to find that physical intimacy is not good with them. Now you have to deal with that strain out the gate and it can really hurt the relationship too.

Regardless, it is your decision. Nothing wrong with waiting and it isn't a guarantee that the sex won't be bad or that it can't improve. Just sharing my two cents and expounding on your friend's belief.

Matt_M · Answer

It's fine if it's genuinely what you want for yourself and not something you're doing out a feeling of moral obligation or guilt. However, you're Christian and this is a high priority for you, then you'll probably have to hold out for a Christian man who feels the same way. The fact is that most people these days *don't* wait until marriage and most people in your age bracket are probably no longer virgins. That doesn't mean that either you or they are "wrong" for wanting what you want, it just means that you have different preferences.

As much as it can suck to get ghosted, those guys are doing both you and themselves a favour. If they don't share your values and aren't willing to hold out for marriage, then you probably aren't compatible anyway.

Furthermore, I think what can sometimes annoy people when this discussion comes up is that, when some people express a desire to wait until marriage, there's often an implication that others should be doing the same thing regardless of their personal preferences. It's also worth pointing out that people don't need to be married to be in a committed long-term monogamous relationship. That's what "common law" partnerships are all about.

Shamalien · Answer

Waiting till marriage is an honourable path, and one that I respect immensely. I dated a girl that was waiting till marriage, and badly wanted her as well…but we resisted temptation. It was easy to respect her decision knowing she was a virgin, and that I was already closer than any man had been.

Don’t listen to the naysayers. They can’t even imagine how much better your outcome can be if you play your cards right. Honestly I think they are just trying to drag you down to their level.

DJB72 · Answer

I've never met anyone - man or woman - that regretted waiting for marriage. I've met plenty who - like me, and I only had two girlfriends before my wife - didn't wait and regret it.

Stick to your decision. Your husband will thank you.

SixFootSexy · Answer

Most every guy wishes they could land a virgin for a wife. Now, if she's a virgin on her wedding night, that's another thing. The sexual attraction and chemistry can be built on her end over time, but most guys know within a couple dates if he's attracted enough to say, "This is the only woman I will ever sleep with the rest of my life and I'm ok with that." That's a big commitment, especially if a guy has lots of options.

Being_a_good_Indian · Answer

It's important to remember that your decision to wait until marriage for sex is a personal one, and it's absolutely valid. There's nothing wrong with choosing to save that experience for a special occasion and for a partner you're committed to. Remember, you are in control of your own body and your own choices. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage for sex, and it's a decision that many people make.

Seinna · Answer

They say (not necessarily think) it's a waste of time because they either want to have sex with you and value themselves more than you and your opinions, or because they don't like comparing themselves to you and appearing worse than... so they try to drag you to their level. Largely that depends on the sex of whomever says that to you.

LostandFound__x · Answer

Me too and I am soooooo happy I’m waiting. I think about all the jerks I’ve met and I’m so glad I didn’t sleep with them. Also being a virgin is such a flex now. When I tell men I’m dating that I’m a virgin and I’m waiting they respect me a lot more. It also filters out who truly wants to commit to you and who’s just here for sex. I find I’ve never been “used” physically.

slatyb · Answer

You made a choice. Men are also making a choice, telling you that's a deal breaker for them. It turns out that the majority of men feel that way. I think it's about 90%. A man can "respect your values" and still tell you that your values are incompatible with his. No one is obliged to date you. It's your choice: you can search for a man willing to abstain until marriage, or you can reconsider.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Listen, this is your choice. I respect it and you but let's be clear, I am under NO OBLIGATION to abide by your decision or be patient when that's not my scene. Choices have consequences.

MicahRaine · Answer

As a Christian (who believes  ), I totally get why you're waiting and support that. I agree with your friend, but they also could have said it in a nice way. I will never shame someone for being a virgin or for being sexually active.

exitseven · Answer

I dated somebody for 4 years who was saving it for marriage. I really loved her and was willing to wait. The distance finally screwed up the relationship so I sort of felt like i missed out on 4 years.
However, everyone is different. Truthfully I think it is good that you have a moral code that you plan on following.

Staximus · Answer

You should live with somebody for at least a year and have sex before you get married to make sure you're compatible living together and in bed. If one person is into a bunch of freaky shit and the other isn't, it's not going to work out and they are going to go look for it somewhere else.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

As a Catholic who did not wait until marriage, I am now doing so myself from now on.

I think it's still valuable. Honestly, I think you're doing it exactly right, keep being upfront and scaring off the wrong men. Ultimately you need one man who isn't going to run, compromising your values may open up a new pool of men if you are truly becoming frustrated with your results dating.

AGAM1 · Answer

Keep doing what you’re doing and do not let anyone else lead you but HIM! This is the way to true happiness. You’re going to get a lot of opinions here including my own. The only one to listen to is HIM and what he tells you! This is on your heart because he is alive and speaking to you, blessed is what you are. Stay on track do not swim in the mud puddle, when HE has a resort luxurious pool waiting for you!

Anonymous · Answer

most people don't want marriage these days anymore. so that makes it kind of hard to accomplish losing your virginity when you get married.

anyways. not sure why other peoples comments affect you and your body. do what you want. just know that some guys will have issues with it and some guys won't have issues with it. all depends. you already found one guy that was okay with it (your ex).

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

You keep going, you'll be alright, at some point you'll find someone worthy, them ghosting you just saves you time and shows you they aren't worth the time.

Josey29 · Answer

It's not bad if your future partner is also a virgin. Imagine marrying a man and losing your virginity to him knowing you weren't his first... it's going to haunt you for the rest of the marriage.

ThinkerShell · Answer

Listen:
They told you the risk is marrying a man who is bad in bed?
Lets think
You get to know someone worth living with, wirth sharing all your existemce with. And you find out he's bad in bed. Would you leave him?

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Because people in the world are demonic and possessed by demons. Only the true Christian understand this. Good job I'm happy that you are waiting.

LazerBean · Answer

That's a great idea. I did it and have no regrets. Your friend is multiple times more likely to have awful putsime because she didn't wait for marriage than you are because you did.

Unit1 · Answer

You do you. It's neither good nor bad. It's your call. Me doesn't wait. I'm a sex beast, that needs a sex beast lady. Meow!

Friendlybro79 · Answer

If you're happy with your decision it isn't bad at all. You do you and don't worry about anyone else. If you change your mind one day you can do that too. If you stick to your guns and you're happy... the hell with what others think.

Flower7 · Answer

I think you'd regret doing it more than not doing it. Sex can bring a lot of drama and heartbreak, especially outside of marriage.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Nothing wrong with it. The Freedom to be You, whoever and whatever You is, is never a waste of time!

coolbreeze · Answer

You do what you feel is right. And don't let people change your morals and values.

shortster · Answer

Nothing wrong with waiting for marriage. If guys complain then you know who to avoid dating.

genericname85 · Answer

Because what if you're not sexually compatible? Then you're stuck with the marriage or gotta file an expensive divorce.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's a fine idea but only if you plan to get married VERY early.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's dumb to promise forever to a person when you don't even know if the two of you are sexually compatible.

Anonymous · Answer

I use to think it was a waste of time.. But um marriages where the wife is a virgin have an 80% better chance of being successful and not divorcing.

Pterodon · Answer

Because you have to know if you’re sexually compatible

In_Trance · Answer

No matter how you look at it there is absolutely no benefit in waiting

noohair · Answer

Your choice is valid for you. I think some people might be jealous of you.

Anonymous · Answer

Did you and your ex-boyfriend have oral sex or nothing below the pants?

Radiate143 · Answer

It isn't. Pay them no mind.

clampfan101 · Answer

I’m waiting too.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

I wish I had waited.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It isn't.

I’m not having sex until I’m married, but people think it’s a waste of time. Why is it so bad to wait until marriage?

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