Should you insist on getting a pre-nup or is that ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

I have always been pro-prenup. I have two businesses and I'll be damned if someone I no longer get along with decides he's just going to take my businesses and everything I've spent half my life building in a divorce. One of my good friends was in a nasty divorce in which her husband cheated on her with their secretary, and then wanted the entirety of the business they built together with her working 70 hour weeks at one point to sustain it. That was such an eye opener for me what people can do, even if they are the ones at fault in destroying the marriage. We would all like to think we could be civil in a divorce, but nope, of all the ones I've seen happening in person, only about 20% are ever shaking hands at the end.

So what about you, would you absolutely insist on getting a pre-nup or do you think like some do, that a pre-nup is just setting your relationship up for pre-failure

Absolutely, I'd insist on getting a pre-nup or I'm not walking down the aisle

Absolutely NOT, getting a pre-nup is just saying you plan on your marriage failing, I'm not signing one

[RavVid]

I suddenly found myself in a common law marriage the day after I had made the decision to end a relationship. All due a single court decision. Thank god I bought a retro printed newspaper to read that day to read over a cup of coffee as I thought on how to socialize my decision.

So blood oath I'm favor of prenups/cohabitation agreements since not signing up is no good anymore.

I am SIGNED up after two years anyway with that court decision.

Note you are very vulnerable to court decisions over the next 5/10/20/30/40 years.

Throughout the Anglosphere, at least, there is a concept of unconscionable contract terms and courts might/can strike them out especially when there is an imbalance in negotiating power.

Already there is a red flag because on the YES side here as it's an ultimatum of take my terms or no marriage. It's duress. The truth is every prenup has an element of duress in it because of the no marriage leg and there is no point in a prenup unless it limits what the spouse gets in a standard divorce settlement.

You are best off limiting a prenup to the type of clauses that courts have supported in the past. Even then you are vulnerable to courts changing their views over the next 5/10/20/30/40 years. There is no debate on whether defacto couples should be regarded as married after two years. It can be a judge's unheralded decision. Retrospective to boot.

In 40 years time the prenup might be regarded as unconscionable - it is impossible to predict how radical courts might become.

If you don't want to lose your assets
1/ Don' get married - Why are you thinking about it anyway?
2/ Sack your partner before the clock strikes 2 years (less in some jurisprudences - check)
3/ Don't do relationship indicators

There are a raft of things not to do under 3/. If there are children don't buy them presents. Don't hang out with their friends and don't invite them to hang out with your friends. That's just a sample of couple things not to do..

[genericname85]

i don't understand the second argument. if you're not planning for it to fail, then signing the prenup shouldn't bother you. in fact why don't you sign to just give your spouse everything yuo own in case of divorce. you're not planning for it right? nothing to lose right?

[avery58]

I'd be in favor of a pre-nup. It's just about being safe and realistic, you NEVER know what will happen. When you were dating your ex did you expect to break up and for each of you to end up banging/marrying someone else? No, and it happened (unless you don't have exes).

[LazerBean]

Getting a prenup is definitely a way of saying you don't really believe your marriage will be a good one, so I would never get one.

That said, most women and men today are not cut out for marriage. So I don't blame those people for wanting one.

[Asker]

I would have agreed more with that if this were 1940, but the stats of today suggest you have only a 50% or less (in the US) chance of success. When you have a business that you built with your blood, sweat, and tears, and someone decides they want it all just to be spiteful, then you may be left there with nothing SHOULD the marriage go sour. Happens all the time.

[LazerBean]

Actually for me, the stats suggest that I only have a 4% chance of divorce. But I do realize the stats are much higher for the vast majority of other people, and therefore I do see the reasonability of them wanting a prenup

[Lliam]

I selected no.

I had the greatest time when I was single. I lived life to the fullest. It wasn't until my early 30s that I stared thinking about finding a partner to spend the rest of my life with.

At that point, I was very, very, very cautious in selecting the right woman. I had a couple more long term relationships before I met my future wife.

I became certain that she took marriage as seriously as did I. It's a once in a lifetime decision, a lifetime commitment, a solemn vow, a pledge of honor. We share those values.

I wasn't concerned that she would take advantage of me and I wouldn't take advantage of her. Neither of us would cheat or hurt each other.

We became equal partners. We share everything. We both contribute what we can to maintaining our lifestyle and building a future for retirement.

We help and care for each other.
We're on the same page and want the same things.
Each of us wants the other to be happy and fulfilled. We work to keep our marriage healthy.
We respect each other, learn from each other, and have grown tremendously as individuals as a result. That has brought us even closer together over time.

We've been through ups and downs and have proven that we are there for each other no matter what.

What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. We're a team.

[NamerOfStars]

"Getting a pre-nup is just saying you plan on your marriage failing" is the equivalent of "wearing a life jacket is just saying you plan on your boat sinking" or "wearing a seatbelt is just saying you plan on your car crashing".

[Asker]

Well said...

[Anonymous]

I think anybody with considerable assets should definitely consider it. I'm in the same boat as you. 20 years. ago I wouldn't even have considered it. But today is whole nother story. And if she by chance has considerable assets I wouldn't begrudge her doing this either. It's just a business decision

But this is why I'll probably never marry. Because I think women would take more offense to this than a man given a man's societal role.

I will caution you this though. I have heard you have to be VERY careful when drafting a prenup. I've heard there are very few prenup's that are ironclad.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Prenups are consistently thrown out by judges, My advice is to move your assets business/property even your house and vehicles to an LLC if you are a guy. I’ve never heard of a prenup guaranteeing a man joint custody of his kids, Sorry that’s just the world we live in

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of wealthier men drawing up prenuptials... I think this is a giant red flag! Especially if she's a stay at home mom.

I guess in fairness, I'd have to disagree with a prenup on both sides.

Sounds like a work contract rather than unconditional love.

[BoopBoopBeep]

People opposed to prenups are typically people with no assets. I don't concern myself with their opinions. I've never had a serious relationship with a woman who didn't want one herself.

[Juxtapose]

Avoiding marriage entirely is a better idea because those agreements can be voided in court by the other person arguing they signed under duress.

[ManInChains]

All men should get pre-nups. If the woman refuses, she wasn't worth getting married to

[Nikki1989]

If you think you need a pre-nup, DON'T get married, period!

[Razp_Sorbet]

If you have assets that you would like to remain your own then absolutely.

[RedInnocent69]

It depends on your personal circumstances. If you’re both starving students, then no. If you’re more established and buying yourself a trophy or a gold digger , then absolutely.

[MicahRaine]

At this point, I want a prenup.

I've been mis-used/treated one too many times.

[RingOfFire]

Very difficult question. If you are very wealthy and also very romantic it is one of the most difficult decisions in a relationship.

[msc545]

A prenup is often very useless because judges can nullify that whenever they feel like it.

[Snakeyes7]

I guess but it could be easily tossed if the spouse in question decides to claim that they signed it under duress.

[LiamJHayden]

Where I live I would not even consider marriage unless they returned to at-fault divorce first.

[LiamJHayden]

Pre-nups can be useful if one does marry, but make sure you get the best, most experienced attorney for it and make sure the partner has separate counsel. This will help avoid the inclusion of clauses that "violate public"policy or are inequitable.

[Anonymous]

Men should ALWAYS get a prenup given what women have turned marriage into. A woman in your position should as well, but most don't need to. You are an exception.

[Twalli]

If I had excessive personal wealth, I would consider it. As of now, I don't, so I see no point in it.

[OddBeMe]

Depends on equity you’d acquire when married. If it’s nothing more than average Americans, house cars…courts usually split them down the middle.

[dudeinohio]

No way. All this is saying you expect the marriage to fail.

[Anonymous]

Most women don't need one. Sounds like you do though. Men going into marriage should definitely get one.

[Mati91]

I insist getting one.

[noohair]

I am pragmatic, pre-nup, YES!